Mormons Mad At HBO’s “Big Love”

HBO has been building up this week’s episode of “Big Love” by pointing out that they would expose certain rituals of the Mormon Church. I must tell you, when I first heard about this, I was very excited. Finally, we would get a better look at the secret culture behind the LDS church.

Ok, I am lying. All I really hoped they would cover is how Bill Paxton is able to keep 3 women happy in bed. Is there a secret “trick” (like “the shocker” or Dirty Sanchez) or is it more of a logistical thing? Since I am considering Mormonism, I need to know the details. If I could even handle two women that looked like his wives, I would be eternally grateful. Here are the ladies with ugly, old Bill Paxton.


Then my excitement completely dissipated when HBO announced what they were really talking about. The kinds of rituals they are talking about are secret clothing outfits and handshakes. Are you f’in kidding me? Of all of the crazy stuff that is going on in the LDS, this is what they want to show? Wow…think I might sleep through that episode. 

What is even sillier is that the Mormons are offended that these seemingly pedestrian rituals will be shown on TV. I don’t remember them saying much when all of the other religions were being thrown under the proverbial bus. For instance, is there any Catholic ritual we don’t know about? (Besides the pedophilia stuff). I don’t think so. 

I am not going to lie. Unless Jeanne Tripplehorn gets naked and the other 2 jump in and rub oil on her, I am going to be greatly disappointed. A hand shake? My God, I can get that kind of secret from the Shriners. (Plus a really cool hat). A good ritual needs to include a lot of blood or a bunch of naked women. How can HBO or the Mormons not know this? 

HBO has already apologized to the Mormon Church for the portrayal of the ritual although they are still going to show it. Why apologize? What are the Mormons hiding that is so controversial? Why is it so offensive to let others see it? When you have those kinds of secrets, you stop being a church and start being a cult. Now, again, I am cool with cults if they are getting their freak on. But it would seem that Mormons, like Scientologists, are deathly boring.

Too bad you blew it, HBO. Jeanne, Chloe, and Ginnifer rolling around in a big blue tub with people in hoods standing around watching would have been awesome TV. Watching Jeanne give an old dude a handshake? Not so much…


23 Responses to Mormons Mad At HBO’s “Big Love”

  1. Davis says:

    are you REALLY considering joining? be careful with that

  2. Chino Blanco says:

    Tom Hanks puts this brouhaha into perspective (and waxes prophetic) at the 3rd season premiere of Big Love:

    “There’s gonna be lies, and secrets, and discoveries, and problems. Television!”

  3. Aces n Eights says:

    Mormons are awesome! I dated a mormon girl for about 18 months (true story), and they are a fascinating people. They have visions, and believe in “golden plates”, and if they are all like she was, they might be the horniest group of people this side of China.

    I still think of her everytime I slide a straw into the top of my soft drink cup…..

    • tannerleah says:

      Aces – Let me get this straight. This Mormon lady was relentlessly horny, fascinating and was into golden plates, correct? And you didn’t marry her knowing that you could have added more Mormon horny women? Very suspect story….very suspect indeed.

  4. 951lover says:

    Triple horn. Thats funny and appropriate.

  5. mormons are what is wrong with this country.

  6. nursemyra says:

    I don’t want to see Chloe Sevigny wearing any of that weird Mormon underwear. we already know Ginnifer doesn’t wear any…..

  7. Tizzle says:

    Dude, really the SHOCKER and DIRTY SANCHEZ? That is great stuff… You have been a lil bit too serious lately. Glad to see the ols tannerleah is back!

  8. art vandelay says:

    I’m personally disappointed to find out Glenn Beck is mormon….he’s my new TSHILF

  9. Kevinjohn says:

    Let me get this’re the only one that would consider converting to another religion that lets you have 3 beautiful young gorgeous wives?

    Hot damn sign me up too.The Baptists already think I’m going to hell over the fact that i like a beer or two after work, so what’s to lose?

  10. Dirty Sanchez, what about a Rear Admiral or Dutch Oven???

  11. Tizzle says:

    Cleveland steamer or donkey show anyone?

  12. womaninblack says:

    I’m prepared to step up to the mark TL and be one of your wives.
    I know how to give a handshake that you wouldn’t find boring.

    • tannerleah says:

      No offense, WIB, but with your pending unemployment I am not sure if you can be on the list. By the way, when will it be safe for me to stop clicking on the giant eyeball?

      Of course, the handshake thing has me intrigued. You’re in. Ok ladies and…ladies…I need one more wife. Please no pushing and shoving. (I must tell you that I am already checking out a woman named Doris over at Ram’s store so don’t dally.)

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