Mormons Mad At HBO’s “Big Love”

March 13, 2009

HBO has been building up this week’s episode of “Big Love” by pointing out that they would expose certain rituals of the Mormon Church. I must tell you, when I first heard about this, I was very excited. Finally, we would get a better look at the secret culture behind the LDS church.

Ok, I am lying. All I really hoped they would cover is how Bill Paxton is able to keep 3 women happy in bed. Is there a secret “trick” (like “the shocker” or Dirty Sanchez) or is it more of a logistical thing? Since I am considering Mormonism, I need to know the details. If I could even handle two women that looked like his wives, I would be eternally grateful. Here are the ladies with ugly, old Bill Paxton.


Then my excitement completely dissipated when HBO announced what they were really talking about. The kinds of rituals they are talking about are secret clothing outfits and handshakes. Are you f’in kidding me? Of all of the crazy stuff that is going on in the LDS, this is what they want to show? Wow…think I might sleep through that episode. 

What is even sillier is that the Mormons are offended that these seemingly pedestrian rituals will be shown on TV. I don’t remember them saying much when all of the other religions were being thrown under the proverbial bus. For instance, is there any Catholic ritual we don’t know about? (Besides the pedophilia stuff). I don’t think so. 

I am not going to lie. Unless Jeanne Tripplehorn gets naked and the other 2 jump in and rub oil on her, I am going to be greatly disappointed. A hand shake? My God, I can get that kind of secret from the Shriners. (Plus a really cool hat). A good ritual needs to include a lot of blood or a bunch of naked women. How can HBO or the Mormons not know this? 

HBO has already apologized to the Mormon Church for the portrayal of the ritual although they are still going to show it. Why apologize? What are the Mormons hiding that is so controversial? Why is it so offensive to let others see it? When you have those kinds of secrets, you stop being a church and start being a cult. Now, again, I am cool with cults if they are getting their freak on. But it would seem that Mormons, like Scientologists, are deathly boring.

Too bad you blew it, HBO. Jeanne, Chloe, and Ginnifer rolling around in a big blue tub with people in hoods standing around watching would have been awesome TV. Watching Jeanne give an old dude a handshake? Not so much…

It’s Friday! Welcome To My New Job…

March 13, 2009