Why Won’t My Dentist Fondle Me?

I have a lovely female dentist. She is very professional and does a wonderful job. She is an excellent dentist…for the most part. My frustration with her, however, is starting to grow. Why? Because she simply refuses to fondle or touch me in some sort of inappropriate manner.

It seems that male dentists are much more likely to perform this service. Mark Anderson, a dentist in Woodland, CA. was convicted of 11 felony charges of sexual battery. He felt up more than a dozen of his patients. Now, to be fair, the dentist did have an excellent reason for groping these women. It seems they all suffered from TMJ (a jaw disease) and massaging their breasts helped relieve their symptoms. That sounds like a reasonable excuse to me.

Normally, perverts seem to have poor taste in women. At least this particular creepy guy “massaged” attractive women. Plus, he would also say nice things about their boobs. For whatever reason, the ladies did not appreciate his extra attention to detail. Here are two of the ladies that testified against Dr. Mark:

mark-anderson

Sure, these ladies are attractive and probably have nice breasts, but the first thing I noticed in the photo was their TMJ jaws. Frankly, if I were their doctor, I probably would have gone straight for chest massaging as well. It’s the right thing to do.

As for Dr. Anderson, he is kind of in big trouble. Besides being guilty, it turns out he is a huge a**hat. Walking out of the courtroom, he said, “how many times do I have to say ‘no comment’ before you understand no comment?” That’s it Doc, keep that attitude up all the way to prison. That will make the gang rape you are fixin’ to get just that much more enjoyable to your new boyfriends. (See if you can keep that smirk going while you are catching a few fastballs up your pooper).

Anyway, back to my problem. What is it that I need to do to get my hot dentist to hit me up? The last time I was at the dentist I pulled my pants down to my knees but she just covered my stuff with the apron. I know she was impressed because she murmured, “hmm…didn’t think it was that cold in here”. That is DEFINITELY code for “I want you”.

Maybe I need to knock a couple of my teeth out so I can get the pity vote from her. Yeah…I think that just might work. Excuse me while I go fetch a hammer and chisel. Wish me luck!

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13 Responses to Why Won’t My Dentist Fondle Me?

  1. Bearman says:

    You need more fat on your body to get man boobs. She isn’t attracted to your scrawny self, so nothing to entice her to fondle.

  2. Before you invoke the Leon Spinks Protocol, you should definitely make sure you are tracking her correctly. You may want to go with a bad case of gingivitis first and see how that plays.

  3. Ram Venkatararam says:

    I’d suggest you give up overpriced dentists entirely and follow my lead.

    I have my dental and other hygene needs addressed by a professional dog groomer. She cleans my teeth, trims my nails, brushes out my pelt and rubs my tummy! Plus she gives me a treat.

    All that for $15 bucks.

  4. i had a pervy dentist. he was an old dentist, and old school, he never wanted to wear gloves while working in my mouth and once he was doing something and straddled me, he had a drill in my mouth so i didn’t really say anything cus i wanted to keep you know living…but afterwards i gave him hell…he could of atleast lowered my bill or something…then i might of kept my mouth shut….

  5. nursemyra says:

    your dentist STRADDLED you?????

    • yes..he did. it was very awkward..and i felt kinda uggg.. i have history of PTSD stuff so it was very very traumatizing..and i am very fearful of dentist anyhow, so i really haven’t been to one since. i cry everytime someone mentions that i need to go…

  6. George says:

    Wow! I wish I did have your dentist. The closest experiences I can get is when my barber leans on me a little too much. 🙂

  7. art vandelay says:

    My dentist fondles me..but he’s my husband so I guess that doesn’t count…:(

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