Anne Heche Pays Ex $515k Divorce Settlement

March 10, 2009

The obvious question is, “How the hell does Anne Heche have that kind of cash?” I mean seriously, what in the world has she done in her career to earn that kind of jack? Did she get special lesbian pay when she went gay for a couple of years?

Don’t get me wrong. I like crazy Anne. She is attractive in a “watch me implode” kind of way. If I knew she was this loaded I would have knocked her ex out of the way in a heartbeat. Sure, she is no Oprah when it comes to cash flow¬†but she also doesn’t sweat gravy when she jogs.

Her ex, Bobby Buffoon, also got about $700k MORE in stock shares and various other sundries. Really? Who the hell is this guy and what did he do to earn all of this cash? I would have slept with Anne for as little as $100k (plus airfare and other perks). Plus, I would have given her the kid with no strings attached.

I must say that I have always had a problem with the “Tom Arnold” marriage plan. You know, marry someone wealthy and then take 1/2 of their stuff. Now, to be fair, Tom turned out to be a comic genius but still, he shouldn’t have taken so much of Rosanne’s cash. I realize that wealthy celebs can always get a pre-nup but why should they have to?

Look, if you are the local butcher, pool boy, valet, or whatever low life job holder position you occupy, you should not get anything. Your payoff was to live like a king for as long as it lasted. Plus, usually, you get to sleep with a smoking hot celebrity for free! My God, what else do you want?

Even someone as average looking and nutty as Anne Heche should not be made to pay a ton of money to some loser. Look at her:


Ok…I stand corrected. Larry, or whatever his name is, probably did deserve every penny he got. I didn’t realize he would have to sleep with something that looks like a teenage boy everyday. Wasn’t there a time when Anne was hot? Maybe I thought so just because she was partially lesbian.

Still, my original point stands. Dead beat leeches should get nothing for marrying rich celebrities. They came in with nothing and should leave with the same nothing. The sole caveat would be the Oprah/Anne/Rosie rule. If you have to do it with something horrible, you really should be well compensated. It is the Christian thing to do.