By 2090, There Will Be No More Christians In America

March 9, 2009

Or something like that. In the last 15 or so years, 10% less Americans identify themselves as Christians. So, doing the math, I think the United States will harbor no more Christians after 2090. Don’t ask me how I got to the number…it is very complicated and involves statistics. Really, really hard statistics.

What will America be like with no Christians? I envision a much happier place. No longer will gays, people of color, working moms, UFO believers, and Satanists be mocked. Instead, it will just be one happy, non-judgmental family. You do what you want to do without the worry of the “invisible one” looking over your shoulder every second.

Just this reduction in stress alone will lead to a happier world. There will be no competition for whose God is better or who the chosen people are. We will all be the chosen people. Chosen to lead a productive life and chosen to die an unremarkable and dignified death.

There will be no need to attack our brothers around the world based on their beliefs because, well, we will have no extraterrestrial beliefs. The Golden Rule will finally have real value and people will treat each other with the dignity they deserve.

Sure, we will have to give up some cool stuff. Televangelists, monster crosses, mega-churches, cool religious symbols used for tattoos and jewelry, and tithing will all be goners. Also, the number of pedophile priests and money grubbing pastors will be greatly reduced. Just the price I suppose we will have to face.

What in the world will fill this religious void? I don’t know. Maybe kindness, consideration, love, understanding, unity, empathy, and a variety of other muted traits that we seldom see today. Who knows, maybe intellect and science will once again raise its head above superstition and tradition. (We can dream, right Liz?)

Don’t get me wrong. There are individuals within our culture that do great things in the name of Allah or God or whoever their icon is. This is truly commendable. However, in the future, this will be non-denominational. They will be allowed to share the same love for their Muslim or Hindu brothers and sisters as they do for their fellow former Christians. Sure, we can still hate fat people, short people, tall people, skinny people, and whatever other slices of humanity that we choose to alienate. I didn’t say it would be perfect but the religious intolerance that rules the world as we know it will be dead. That’s something we should praise Jesus for…while you still can.