That’s right, it was absolutely horrible. You may be wondering what could possibly have spurred me to a) write a movie review and b) write it with such negativity? Two words pretty much explain the main problem I had with this movie…blue penis.
Actually, I should probably say it in three words…glowing blue penis. There is a character in the movie who is kind of a kinetic blue (if such a thing exists) and the vast majority of the time, he is buck naked. I don’t know about you but I have no interest in seeing man junk once, let alone several times in a movie. Now, to be fair, he had a pretty large thingy and it was nice looking if you are into that. However, it is quite clear that the director was loving him some man meat.
What agitated me is that he didn’t need to have his junk out all of the time. There are a few scenes where he is wearing a black thong. Well, WTF?…make up your mind. Why not just keep his knob in the banana hammock and save the majority of men in the audience this homoerotic experience? When I want to go gay, I will just crank me up some Clay Aiken and stare at George Clooney posters.
There was also an unbelievable amount of man butt in the movie. Obviously, blue man had his buns out constantly. Also, there were other guy(s) doing it. I couldn’t keep count so it may have been two or ten. I just sat there thinking I would never be able to chop wood in my life again. My God, the humanity of it all. The director did throw in one or two token boobs but hardly enough to compensate for the mental scorched Earth that my mind had already encountered.
As for the plot and movie itself? I couldn’t really give you a review one way or the other. Once the 30 foot glowing blue penis hit the screen, my mind shut down like it had been injected with retard juice. I just sat there with soda and popcorn dribbling out of the corners of my mouth. Even the gratuitous sex scene couldn’t snap me out of it. Why? Because it was full of man butt!!!
God, I feel so dirty right now. I had high hopes that I would see some excessive Carla Gugino boob but that didn’t even happen. Most of the time she was made up to look like an old woman. I need to go grab some Hustlers, JD and coke and smoke a stogie. (And slather myself with Old Spice). Maybe, just maybe, I will get my testosterone levels back up to speed in a couple of months.
In the meantime if my posts go all gay-like for the next several weeks, you can blame it on the glowing blue penis.
This is good:
This is just wrong: