Sarah Palin Back On The Man Market?

March 5, 2009

As you all know, I have been doing a lot of under the covers work on our next POTUS, Sarah. (Actually, it should be POTUSILF. Not really sure how you pronounce that). Well, my sources have told me that there has been unrest in the Palin household lately. As I researched this epic story, I came across this photo hot off the press. Here it is:

sarah-palin

Three things immediately struck me about this photo.

  1. She is as smoking hot as ever! Big coat with dead rat around the neck…that she killed with her bare hands…no problem! Even with the power of her beautiful cookie smelling hair kept in partial check by being pulled back, she is still devastatingly good looking.
  2. Look at the grip she has on that large, black book. The hand strength she seems to possess is amazing. God, just imagine her holding something of yours in that beautifully delicate, yet powerful hand. Ooh…I think I felt a tingle.
  3. But the single most important part of this photo is that fact that she is NOT wearing her wedding band! That’s right, just like J Lo, Sarah is saying, “screw you Joe!” (Or Pete or Tom or whatever that dudes name is). She is also letting the world know she is back in the game! Maybe, and I can only speculate, even without all of those kids including Trigger! Wow…talk about Christmas coming early.

Now listen up TMZ. I expect full credit for busting this story wide open! No one else noticed it but your ever vigilant, humble servant sniffed it out in no time. And let’s be honest; Sarah has been give me “the eye” for quite some time. (If you remember, I even posted a pic of her winking at me. Oohh…that tingle again).

So the question now is, what should I do? Play coy and act like I am not interested? Hitchhike with the first Eskimo I see driving towards Alaska? Climb into an oil line and try to swim upstream until I reach Sarah’s crib? I am so confused. Now I am having second thoughts on my “reduction” surgery. She is used to hanging around with Elk and Caribou so she might think that is normal. (Might even explain why Tom or Plaid or Joe is getting the boot).

I am just going to play it cool for now. Chicks dig it when men play hard to get. I will be all like, “Yo, sup girl. I di’nt even know you wuz all available and stuff”. Hmm…maybe that is too urban. Maybe I will say, “How ya doin’? What cha been up to, eh? Crap…I just don’t know.

Anyway, Sarah, when you read this, like you do every day, just know that we are all here for you. (But me more than the other losers).

I have GOT to go do something about this tingling in my loins. Where in the hell did I put the Kleenex this time?