Woman Hits Dead Man In Head With Magic Wand

Normally, such a headline would be insignificant. Dead people get hit with stuff all of the time. In fact, I just mentioned the other day that some guy had been “doing the dead” on a regular basis. No, messing with dead bodies is not such a big deal these days. What makes this case interesting is that the hitter was a complete stranger to the dead dude. Never met him in her life…or his.

Nicole Marie-Loretta Leonard, 25 years old, decided that she wanted to attend a funeral and share her love. So she did. She was driving through Laurens County SC, when she passed the Church of God in Gray Court. (I would have stopped just to see why God was in a place called Gray Court). Nicole saw the funeral procession taking place and hopped into line. She was seated in the church for a few minutes when she decided she needed to dance.

Let’s be fair. When someone has the urge to dance, how can you expect them not to? Nicole proceeded to dance about the room and then whipped out a wand. (I also never go anywhere without my wand). She lifted the casket and gently touched the forehead of the dead man with her magic wand. (No, I don’t know why the rest of the congregation just sat there doing nothing). Apparently Nicole’s initial spell did not work. So she whacked him a little harder in the head. Still no results.

Bored with her reincarnation efforts, Nicole took the flowers from atop the casket and started throwing them into the audience. Clearly, Nicole was taking a bow and rewarding her fan base for attending. Upon finishing her act, she ran out of the church, jumped in her car, and drove off. The po-po were called and soon caught up with and arrested Nicole. When asked if all of the things she was accused of doing were true, she merely replied, “Yes”. When asked why she did it, she said she, ” felt it was the right thing to do at the time.” Sounds like a reasonable answer to me.

Here is the lovely Nicole:


Now, I know what you are thinking. She seems like an innocent enough looking young lady. But look a little closer. See the way here googly eyes are all red and Satan like? My sources tell me that she was just seen coming from the movie, Twilight. Dammit! I tried to warn you lemmings, didn’t I? But you just wouldn’t listen. Yet another succubus (or substitute some other devil sounding word) that is a disciple of Satan.

Or, possibly using a much less likely scenario, one whacked out broad that has been hitting the pipe a little too hard lately. Your call.



8 Responses to Woman Hits Dead Man In Head With Magic Wand

  1. Ram Venkatararam says:

    I see from the article she is a recent grad from “the Center For Massage and Natural Health in Weaveville, N.C” That’s one of them ivy league places right? The Kennedy kids went there, no? Home of the space program?

    Have to say I would hope that if it were my funeral and some strange woman was smacking me with a wand, dancing around like a freak and tossing flowers all over the place, that someone might do something a little more proactive then just get her licence number…

    And, I know, TL, the women dancing at your funeral will be professionals and compensated accordingly….

    • tannerleah says:

      And don’t forget…tipping is not only requested, it is required. These girls work hard for the money. Of course, I will be dead so do what you want.

  2. elizabeth3hersh says:

    …or she stopped taking her Haldol and Lithium.

  3. TL, I’v driven through South Carolina and you can’t trust the cops there. Chances are pretty high that we’re dealing with a ‘throw down wand.’

  4. Michael says:

    She really does have googly eyes, if you look closely, which is painful, the right one is centered and from this, the left one is at a relatively impossible angle. Spooky.

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