What Is So Wrong About Getting Your Cat High?

March 3, 2009

Acea Schomaker (pronounced Ass – Shoe maker) was busted for trying to give his cat some “magic smoke”. Shadow, Acea’s hyperactive cat needed to mellow a bit so his owner made a brilliant contraption to help solve this medical condition. Here it is:


Sure, it is a little small for a cat bong but the cat is only six months old and you know you can fit cats into damned near anything. You don’t need something as roomy as a microwave, for instance. Plus, I am sure Acea was trying to bogart a little of his weed and keep the cat’s share to a relative minimum. Can you blame him? He is the one doing all of the work!

Anyway, someone (probably a jealous neighbor cat) called the cops and they arrested Acea and confiscated his cat. Once again, a police department with absolutely nothing better to do. But hey, what do you expect from Nebraska? Christ, just living in Nebraska probably makes people want to be high as a kite every day. 

By all accounts, Acea is heartbroken over this turn of events. Rumor has it that the cat was not only his only best friend but that they also had a certain “chemistry”. Just look at how bummed out our dude is. 


BTW, totally dig the do, bro.

This whole story is just a pity. The good news, however, is that Shadow will now be America’s favorite celebrity of the week. (Sorry pilot dude, Sully…go save some new people). I hope they let Acea get the hell out of Nebraska and join the cat on the tour. The “Shadow and Ass Tour” is what I would call it. 

One last thing to you cat lovers out there. Stop being such hypocrites. You give your kitty’s catnip everyday and watch them behave like lunatics for your own enjoyment. (“Oh look, Sassy ran into the wall again. Isn’t that hilarious? Where’s my video camera?”) You people are little more than drug pushers to your cats. The fact that it is legal doesn’t change the fact. 

Plus, how many of you lazy cat lovers would have put the kind of effort into helping your cat that Acea did? So before you judge, realize that the REAL hero here is the young man that tried to find a way to solve a serious medical condition for his kitty. Here’s to you, reefer smoking – cat fixin’ dude. Here’s to you.   

One toke for kitty, one toke for me