I MUST Start Listening To Classical Music!

I will be honest, for a change. I listen to all types of music on a pretty regular basis. I like everything from James Taylor (on tour again this summer) to AC/DC. I will even throw in a little country due to my love for Faith Hill and Shania. Old R&B (no Chris Brown) to older stuff like The Chordettes and Buddy Holly (who just happens to be singing Oh Boy! to me at this very moment) is also likely to found on my various playlists.

The one area I have pretty much ignored for my entire life has been classical and anything opera related. For the longest time I refused to listen to Opera because I thought it had something to do with Oprah. I just couldn’t stand the thought of listening to that beached whale sing.

Anyway, this morning, I am doing my normal surfing of my fav sites and come across this photo of an apparent porn star. Here she is:


I thought to myself, “wow, porno chicks sure are a lot hotter these days”.ย When I was watching grainy reel to reel movies or old VHS tapes they were NOT sttractive. ย I mean that chick from Deep Throat was just fugly. Good at her craft, no doubt, but her looks were hard to swallow (rim shot please!) The lone exception was Marilyn Chambers.

But I was wrong about her being in porno (At least the commerically available type). The photo above is of Katherine Jenkins. She is a classical opera singer! Are you freaking kidding me? Technically, she is a mezzo-soprano. I don’t know if that means she used to be in the Mafia or something but who cares? My God, what a woman! I would hit that with Ram’s thingy. (Yes squirrel, I am exaggerating. The only thing I am hitting these days is small women).

When I think of the opera, I think of mostly really large women. Rubenesque, if you will. And hey, I am ok with that. But c’mon, an opera singer that looks like a top notch porn star? It doesn’t get much better than that. So, I now have to see if I can go to one of her performances and see if I can sit in the front row. (Little doubt in my mind that once we make eye contact, that I will be asked to meet her backstage immediately).

To be honest, I am kind of worried about getting some gay on me by going to the opera, but sometimes there is a price to pay. Hopefully, the number of guys running around in leotards with their groin area stuffed to look like a small watermelon will be kept to minimum. It confuses my boys when they look at something super hot and then super gay. They feel dirty somehow.

I am now off to find out more about my new love, Katherine. Wish me well!!!

Oh, and if you were wondering who The Chordettes are, here you go:


28 Responses to I MUST Start Listening To Classical Music!

  1. womaninblack says:

    Look at the shadow on that woman’s breast, TL – dear God, she could have your eye out with that.
    The thing I admire most about KJ is her bravery in going public over her former drug-taking…coincidentally just 12 hours before a Sunday newspaper ran the story of her ‘cocaine, ecstasy, amphetamine and cannabis cake (! lame-o)’ binges
    Nice norks, though.

    • tannerleah says:

      WIB – I am not saying I WANT to lose another eye but, if she is the price to be paid, so be it. The fact that she is a hardcore narc addict just makes her that much more appealing!

      Norks? Now you are just completely making up words.

  2. Geronimorex says:

    Wow, you left so many points of entry, I’m not sure which ones I want to exploit. First of all I love the politically correct terminology and artistic usage of Rubenesque to describe women of large body weight. large women, plus sized women. All these terms and more, have replaced the previously used fat. I shall now Rubenesque my steak and trim the “plus sized” off my budget. If we’re going to be correct then “these” plus sized women and men should be referred to as endomorphs. Regarding the other women in your blog, their attractiveness is due in large…no pun intended…part to their ectomorphic and even slightly mesomorphic body types.
    And shame, referring to your testicles as ‘my boys’, has to have a shriveling effect on their part. Doesn’t “boys” bring to mind an image of something immature and small. Hmnn, so much for the front row seat fantasy.
    My porn stache awaits the deluge. I have noted your obsession with porn staches, however slight or secretive. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • tannerleah says:

      Ok , Tom Selleck, now you are starting to hurt my feelings. First of all, stop using big words on me. I am a lunatic but a mentally dull lunatic. I stay away from using “fat chicks” because that usually gets me punched in the head. Besides what constitutes “fat” these days is generally quite attractive to the average guy. Newsflash, guys like b00bs and butts. Not sure why marketing doesn’t believe that.

      A true man does not have to embellish his manhood. I could had said grapefruits or bowling balls but I choose not to brag. Now, I will mention my python now and then but that is not really bragging. And I can’t explain my fascination with mustaches. I wore one for about 20 years but then my wife and kids went on a binge about how much they hated it. So it is gone. I miss my furry friend.

  3. Michael says:

    All that and japanese manga eyes, wow!

  4. Geronimorex says:

    Yes the stache is a wondrous thing…a filter, a flavor saver and a peek into the mysterious world of Harry Reems and Ron Jeremy, Both cinematic giants, as it were.
    “My boys”, I’m not saying you need an embellishment. The term “My boys” is an implication, not a specification, so in order to embellish you would have to start with some standard for comparison. I suggested neither embellishment, nor belittlement.

    Technical and proper word usage doesn’t equate to big. Somehow I seem to think you already know that.
    I’m a leg man myself, and it seems that Elle Macpherson(whatever her age) shall never become gravities bitch.

    • tannerleah says:

      You overestimate my knowledge of grammar. I am a high school dropout fer goodness sake.

      As to Elle, I wholeheartedly agree. She did some movie where she was in a body of water skinny dipping with some other women. What a Goddess. I always preferred her over Cindy Crawford.

  5. nursemyra says:

    Apparently Elle owes it all to Revlon. she told me that on a television commercial last night

    • tannerleah says:

      So her looks are fake? Balderdash! She’s off of my list. Welcome back Lynda Carter. (Sure, she’s a little long in the tooth but she’s Wonder Woman for God’s sake).

  6. Geronimorex says:

    Amen Brother. She’s doing some commercial now and I’d give one of my boys, either grape, or grapefruit size to have that filtered through my moustaches. Hell I’d even shave. Alas, I’m merely Adonis, not rich, nor famous. ๐Ÿ™‚

    As to your grammar, I’ll bet you even know how to properly say “short-lived” unlike the 99.999% of the folks who use the improper, but more used pronunciation. Stupidity will find its own level IRREGARDLESS of what is proper. God I hate the “word” irregardless.

    The movie you refer to is Sirens where Elle had to gain almost 20 pounds to get the part.

    • tannerleah says:

      Sirens…yes! If that is what she looks like with an extra 20, she should have kept in on. Wow. Irregardless, she is still smoking. (I know it’s weak…I just couldn’t help it).

  7. TL, it’s Orca Winfrey your thinking about. BTW, I don’t mean to butt in to your illuminating conversation with Gerinimorex, but the use of the terms endomorph et al is just silly. These are older terms and they are rarely used in science (for what’s its worth I taught anatomy & physiology at a university for a number of years). You may find them in a Victorian novel or possibly they still use these terms at Jenny Craig, but not in the life sciences. At least we know how to say ‘short-lived’ now.

  8. Geronimorex says:

    What is silly is feeling better about yourself because someone refers to you as plus sized, or big and beautiful. Give me a break. Fat is fat. If you can’t take it try cutting a few thousand calories a day.
    Yes, those terms for body types may be somewhat old; I learned them in college(psychology not physiology) quite a few years ago, but that’s not really the point is it? The whole point for me is amusing myself…I got mine, you get yours.

    • tannerleah says:

      No, no, no. you can’t go around calling people names. Especially women, because one day you might have to sleep with them. Or, if not you, one of your fellow brother men.

      See, this is what has happened to you because you are a stud. You and your grapefruits can just shrug off losing 60% of the female population due to Rubinesque-ism. (See how nice that sounds?) Most other single guys can’t. My God, these guys are taking advice from the dude with the ponytail, eyeliner and big fez hat. Men are desperate so let them at least have a shot with Big Bertha. (By the way, when Bertha Butt did her boogie, they called it the Bertha Butt boogie!!! No questions…)

  9. Geronimorex says:

    Once again your pragmatism has has brought me clarity…perhaps someday I will want a Rubenesque woman and indeed I should be nicer. I mean Rosie O’Donnell isn’t that bad is she?
    Well, for now I’m off to the den and my precious Victorian novels. Just the thought of a novel by Jane Austin, or the Bronte sisters makes my thighs tremble with lust.

  10. Ram Venkatararam says:

    Forget Opera and Oprah. They’ll both break your heart.

    Now, if you want good clean American music…try the Collins Kids.

    By the way, I refer to myself as an endomorph all the time. Makes me sound like a fat guy with superpowers.

    “Hit that with Ram’s thingy???” Don’t push it TL. I can always play the Alanis Morrisette card.

    • tannerleah says:

      Ram – Whatever card you thought you might play with Alanis went out the window with the Collins Kids. What the hell trailer park did those two escape from? But, yeah, I’d hit that. The girl is pretty too.

  11. Geronimorex says:

    TL, sorry but Rosie was the most disgusting woman I could think of. Are you talking about that show where this dick-wad takes geeks to a club and “teaches” them how to pick up women? That jerk sucks more than a ShamWow.

    Ram, a “fat guy with superpowers”. That’s too funny. I almost shit myself, or IASM.

    I only have two rules regarding women:
    1. Never get together with a woman who has more problems than you.
    2. Never; never ever love a woman more than she loves you.

    The Ambien is kicking in. Bye.

    • tannerleah says:

      Yes, exactly. Evertime I see him I have a strong urge to punch and I am, generally, quite passive.

      Well, if you actually follow those two rules you might as well go gay or be a monk. What woman DOESN”T have massive problems? I actually find that endearing – in non crazy women. I think, however, you are dead right on count number two. That is just a nightmare waiting to happen.

  12. art vandelay says:

    I didn’t see any mention of gospel or contemporary christian? Surely there are some hotties from that genre somewhere.

    • tannerleah says:

      Um…no. I think the one woman that dumped her husband for the country guy was ok looking (he is kind of fat and gay looking). Maybe Tammy Faye but, bless her heart, she is no longer with us. Can you give me a few names?

  13. “I am doing my normal surfing of my fav sites and come across this photo of an apparent porn star…..I am kind of worried about getting some gay on me by going to the opera”

    This post is absolutely hilarious! I work with a guy and often joke with him about attending an opera one day. Maybe something like Carmen…something I can understand the premise prior to attending.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: