I Would Like A Big Mac With A Nickel Bag

Small business entrepreneurs pay attention. Douglas Brice has come up with a great way to supplement your fast food pay. Simply sell marijuana at the drive through as people collect their food. How simple is that?

Unfortunately, some idiot snitched on Doug to the po-po and they busted him when he sold them some weed from the McDonalds drive thru. Clearly, the snitch was just mad because he/she didn’t think of it first. It is a simple yet brilliant idea. I am sure it happens all of the time but I just don’t get out much.

So, in an effort to provide some decent undercover journalism, I went to my local Wendy’s at lunch today to buy some of the demon weed. (I left McDonald’s alone because I don’t want to pile on). Here is what happened: 

Voice in box (VIB): Can I help you?

Me: Yes, I would like a number four with a diet coke. Oh, and throw in a dime bag of your best weed.

VIB: A number 4 with a diet. What was the rest of your order?

Me: Some pot…you know, Maryjane, ganja.

VIB: Sir, I don’t understand what you are saying.

Me: Does anyone in there listen to The Dead or Bob Marley? I need some herb!

VIB: Do you mean our herb chicken sandwich?

Me: No! I need some Rasta, mon!

VIB: Pasta? Sir, we don’t have pasta.

At that moment, the police officer in the car behind me laid on his horn and I bailed. The thrill of the “almost” chase reminded of watching the OJ chase. I then proceeded over to Arby’s because this attempt to score had made me very hungry.

Since the drugs at the fast food idea has been taken, I need to come up with something new. What about bodily organs? You could say kidney, heart, liver, etc. and it still kind of sounds like food. “Yes sir, one young kidney to go. That will be $12,000. Please pull up to the first window”. (Voice screaming inside…”Paco! We are running low on kidneys. You need to restock”. To which Paco replies, “Si”.

I love the way people always think of new and better ways to generate commerce. THIS is the kind of stuff that makes me proud to be an American. This blunt is for you Douglas Brice. May your star continue to shine bright!

19 Responses to I Would Like A Big Mac With A Nickel Bag

  1. Aces n Eights says:

    Until local/state/federal law enforcement legalizes (or at least decriminalize) this plant, man will continue to find creative ways to get it to one another. Talk about an economic stimulus….control it like they do tobacco and start taxing this stuff and watch the economy change! When they do…I’m buying stock in Frito-Lay!

    • tannerleah says:

      Aces – What a better time to start collecting all of that massive sales tax than by legalizing now? Sure, no work would ever get done but people would be in a pretty good mood about it.

  2. Ram Venkatararam says:

    They should have promoted him. He’s obviously got management potential. By the way, never to Wendy’s for pot. Just acid. You want the Big Boy for pot.

    Nice investigative journalism…

  3. Ram Venkatararam says:

    I say go for it. A good porn stache will serve you well no matter what. It’s a classic. Like those 70’s roller disco short shorts..

    There could be a whole new look for you here.

    • tannerleah says:

      Ram – Of course YOU are for it. All of your people are covered in hair. (And by “your people”, I mean convenience store owners).

      Having said that, you have yet to steer me wrong. Porn stache it is!

  4. Michael says:

    People in some countries are so paranoid about that stuff, like it’s the gateway drug to everything, including playing the piano really fast, being a slut, and driving eratically (at least that’s what I learned from Reefer Madness). Some other countries, not so much.

    I think alchohol is way more dangerous in my opinion.

    • tannerleah says:

      Michael – On this we agree. I have yet to see a guy smoking weed start a fist fight over a bag of Doritos. Drunk guys do it everyday. Something tells me that the big pharms are completely against it as it would cut into their pill popping society.

  5. fundamentaljelly says:

    So you’re saying like, dude, wait what were you saying?

  6. Aces n Eights says:

    The primary driver behind marijuana prohibition was the political power of the DuPont family. Hemp was on the verge of becoming a huge textile product in this country at the turn of the century. The DuPont’s would have none of it, fearing it would cut into their market share (or monopoly, however you want to put it). The smear campaign began with movies like Reefer Madness, etc. Marijuana is now listed by the DEA as a Schedule 1-Narcotic, with the likes of heroin. For the record, cocaine and morphine are only Schedule-2.

    So, despite no scientific evidence that any physical addiction is possible, and not a single documented case of an overdose, the DEA refuses to budge. Can we blame the Bush family somehow?

    • tannerleah says:

      Aces – Of course we can. It makes perfect sense that the coke-addled Dubya would not want reefer to become the drug of choice.

      At least his daughters learned how to handle their booze…finally.

  7. Hi there,
    Cool blog, I just found it and I’m already a dedicated reader
    I recently went down 30 pounds in 30 days, and I want to discuss my weight loss success
    with everyone. I wrote about my experience
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    If I can lose weight then anyone else can too. Whatever you do, don’t give up and you WILL
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    • tannerleah says:

      Joan – great story. The sad news, of course, is that even with the 30 pound loss you are still quite…how should I say this…ectomorphic. Sadly, Geronimorex will not do you but I think fundamentaljelly will. I would but I am happily married. Plus I don’t dig fat ectomorph chicks.

  8. Hi there,
    Nice blog, I just came across it and I’m already a dedicated reader
    I recently went down 30 pounds in 30 days, and I want to discuss my weight loss success
    with your readers. I wrote about my experience
    on my blog, and I would love your comments!

    If I can lose weight then anyone else can too. Whatever you do, never give up and you WILL
    reach all your weight loss goals!
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    • tannerleah says:

      Joan, no offense but I thought you were much hotter with the extra 30 pounds. You had a lovely bosom and impressive hips. Now, you just look like a young man. Get a burger…Jesus said so.

  9. At first I was going to say you are all making me wish I still smoked. But now I’m laughing so hard already it’s probably not a good idea. And there’s no Wendy’s here, so I’m screwed.

    Nice touch approving Joan’s comments. I never get any interesting ones. But they often read as if written by a convenience store owner. Go figure.

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