Academy Award Predictions

To be honest, I don’t really want to do this. However, since I have been asked, I will concede. Here are my choices for tonight’s Oscars.

Best Actor –

  • Richard Jenkins – No one has ever heard of him nor seen his movie.
  • Frank Langella – Died several years ago so might get the sympathy vote.
  • Brad Pitt – Really? It’s not enough that he gets to bang Angie? Not gonna happen.
  • Mickey Rourke – Just looking at him makes me feel dirty. What a nut job. No Oscar for you.
  • Sean Penn – True, he plays a gay guy but, hey, it’s Sean Penn. Congrats on your victory!

Best Actress –

  • Anne Hathaway – Very doable but just too young. Did I mention she is highly doable?
  • Melissa Leo – Who? Next please.
  • Meryl Streep – Like Frank Langella, died a few years back. Could get pity vote.
  • Angelina Jolie – Should win but won’t. Too many tats. It doesn’t matter how cute they are.
  • Kate Winslet – Wins because Oprah said she has nice boobs. Oh, and they have to always have a token Brit win.

Directing –

  • Seriously, does anyone care? Besides, Clint Eastwood should have won for Torino. Academy di** lickers.

Supporting Actress –

  • Only two matter…Penelope Cruz and Marisa Tomei. As much as I love Penny, Marisa was smoking hot and crazy good in The Wrestler. Congrats Marisa. (To other nominees – sorry never heard of you nor have any desire to hear from you. Buh-Bye).

Supporting Actor –

  • Josh Brolin – I like Josh but I like his dad James more. Josh = loser.
  • Robert Downey Jr. – Who made these selections? Black face in the 2000’s? This struck someone as a good idea? And funny?
  • Michael Shannon – Another token Brit. Sorry guv… no win.
  • Philip Seymour Hoffman – Maybe the weirdest cat in Hollywood. Might have a shot.
  • Heath Ledger – Can you really not allow his daughter to go onstage and collect the hardware? Slam dunk. And well deserved I might add.

Best Picture –

  • The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – Interesting premise turned into a chick flick. Oh, hell no.
  • The Reader – Brit flick that is a better cure for insomnia than sleeping pills
  • Milk – Movie about a gay mayor. Do you really think this has a shot? Didn’t think so.
  • Frost / Nixon – Two of the most boring-est people in the world. Sure, I would love to sit through a movie where they chit chat
  • Slumdog Millionaire – Even though I still don’t know why they played for rubies instead of cash, here is your winner. Forrest Gump goes to Bollywood.

As you can see, a pretty damned weak year. Hopefully, there will be plenty of cleavage in tonight’s show to keep me up until 9 or 10. Other than that, this is a snooze fest.

I hope you enjoyed my predictions because I did not. This kind of stuff is pure tedium to me. Still, I am merely here to serve and serve I did. You are welcome.

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4 Responses to Academy Award Predictions

  1. squirrel says:

    Already – 1 for the supporting actress prediction. Penelope won, sorry. Plus Anne Hathaway has talent, besides being doable. Gross.

    • tannerleah says:

      squirrel – I said it would be close. Besides, did you actually expect me to get any of them correct? Lower your expectations.

      EDIT: Could you go back and see how I scored? I don’t care enough to check it out but I want to be prepared if someone asks. Think of yourself as my apprentice. Pretty awesome, eh?

  2. art vandelay says:

    Anne Hathaway doable?? Come on TL…you usually have higher standards.

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