Obama Looks Like A Dead Monkey?

February 18, 2009

Do me a favor. Look at this cartoon out of the New York Post:

obama-the-monkey

What is the first thing you think of when you see that cartoon? Two things immediately popped into my mind. First, both of those cops need to get nose jobs. Seriously, how can they even carry those things around without hurting their necks everyday? The second thing I thought was, “Damn, that guy is a pretty good shot”. Sure, it was at close range but I bet the monkey was acting all…well…apesh**!

Basically, every media whore personality, jumped on the fact that the monkey was meant to portray Obama. Now you know that I, being an occasional black person, do not condone any kind of racial bigotry. (Ok, I do have an issue with Eskimos). But besides the nose rubbers, I am the first to stand up for what is right when it comes to these matters. And so, the truth is the first thing I thought of when I saw this was that even an idiot monkey could write that piece of crap bailout bill.

That’s the honest to Jehovah truth. It wasn’t until I was surfing later that I read the comments of the Honorable Rev. Al Sharpton. Reverend Al said  the cartoon was, “troubling at best given the historic racist attacks of African-Americans as being synonymous with monkeys.” Really? We just voted a kind of black man in office but if you make a monkey joke you are racist? I completely and utterly miss the correlation.

This continues to be a problem for our country in all aspects of race, gender, and religion. Every group, even white males (KKK) feel like they are somehow being offended and read way to much into the most innocuous events. Could we all just sac up a little please? There are plenty of real crimes against humanity out there. So many, in fact, that I could just write a blog about them everyday. Gay person being beaten? Yup. Person of color being assaulted? Check. Woman being sexually abused? Several times a day. When this kind of thing gets blown out of proportion, it takes the spotlight off of the real problems we face.

Eh…enough of my soapbox speech. Back to what you hoodlums came here for.

One time, in band camp, I met that hot monkey chick from Planet of the Apes. (You know, the one that Charlton Heston wanted to bang). Well, we knocked back a few banana daiquiris after practice one day and can I just tell you she rocked my world! Monkey chicks can do the most amazing things! And her tail? Oh my God…if only all women had a tail. What a wonderful world it would be. I don’t know where you are monkey woman, but I still fling my poopy around every once in a while just like we did in the old days. I miss you…

my-monkey-and-chuck-heston

(That damned Heston! Always trying to get busy with my monkey girlfriend).


When Will I Get My Mortgage Bailout Check?

February 18, 2009

I am sorry; I should have said “mortgage mitigation” check. Sounds much less welfare like, doesn’t it? Will I get it tomorrow? In a month? A year? Never? Bingo! I think I just landed on the correct answer.

Last year, 2.3 million homes were foreclosed on. So, if the number stays about the same this year, we can “give” each of these homeowners $21,739 each. Do you think that is enough? Maybe we should “give” them more…maybe 100 billion instead of 50. That way, they can have some leftover money and take a nice vacation. After all, they have been through a lot.

Since, the above is clearly not going to happen, where the hell is all of this money going? To the banks? Why in the world should they get a dime? To me, a bad loan is equivalent to loaning family members money. You know you are never going to get repaid so, in essence, you are just giving them the money. That’s exactly what the banks did so, as Michael would say, they can suck it.

The homeowners are not going to see anything close to $21k a household. So I ask again, where is all of this money going to go? Let me guess. It will go to banks so they can “do the right thing”. As we have seen with the various stimulus packages already out there, corporations take these handouts incentives seriously. So, we definitely can trust them to do the right thing. Whew…I feel better knowing that competent people are in charge of this mess.

Here is the problem. For every hard working family where the primary bread winner has lost their job, there are 3 homeowners who cashed in on the no money down, ridiculous ARM loan, crazy days of everyone gets a house. For the guy, or gal, that lost their job, I have no problem with them getting help. For the rest, they are SUPPOSED to lose their house! That is exactly how high risk mortgages are supposed to work. If you come up snake eyes, oh well. Pack your El Camino, take down your bed sheet curtains, and get the hell out. 

Wow TL, kind of being harsh, aren’t you? No, not at all. I can tell you from personal experience that when you can’t make a rent payment, this is exactly what happens to you. You and your family get thrown out on your collective a**es. I can’t remember EVER getting bailed out when we were getting kicked to the curb. Was it the landlords fault that we didn’t pay our bills? No. We had no one to blame but ourselves. But an important lesson is learned. You either get your crap together or pick out a lovely box to live in on the corner of MLK Blvd and Highway 42.

Dammit Barry! Put your check book away and let these things resolve themselves. We will all be better off for it in the long run. If you can’t help yourself, I expect my mortgage mitigation check pronto.