UFO Attacks Texas – Subs & Sats Collide

First, I would like to say thank you to our UFO buddies for attacking Texas. If anyone needs to be attacked, it is Texas. Having said that, our little alien friends better be careful because we all know that you don’t mess with Texas. I can easily see a few of these little green guys getting shot and turned into a nice chili or some sort of mystery meat burger.

With the attack from the heavens came the usual denials from the US Government. “What? We didn’t see no UFO. We looked but can’t find anything”. What a bunch of lying goons.  I am not a big believer in extra terrestrials but I am also not a big believer in anything Uncle Sam has to say to me either.

I think it is pretty obvious that if a meteor was about to blow the earth into a bazillion pieces, or ET landed on our planet, we would be the last people to know. “Gee Bob, what’s that big ball of fire coming at us in the sky?” Our government doesn’t even tell us the obvious stuff like where all the “rescue” money went and why we are really going to war. Is there any reason to believe they would try to explain a difficult concept to us?

Now, we also find out that satellites are banging off each other in outer space and two nuke-u-lar subs crashed into each other in the ocean. I am not the science expert that Liz is, but aren’t the ocean and outer space kind of big? How incompetent of a driver must you be to ram your stuff into someone else’s stuff?

In the end, I suspect that this is what the fireball over Texas was. Some sort of trial spacecraft that one of these genius pilots flew into a flock of seagulls. Instead of telling us how they just lost a $500 million spacecraft, they just say, “I don’t know what it was”. They need to start taking out insurance policies on all of this crap like the rest of us do. When I trash my Pinto, I don’t just get to go get a new one without first filling out a ton of paperwork.

I hope if aliens ever do land on earth, they go to Canada first. If they are evil and kill everyone, no big loss. If they are nice, the Canadians will make them feel good and get us off to a good start. Sure, they will have them saying “aboot” in no time but I think that is a small price to pay. Plus, Shania Twain can be their ambassador. What kind of alien wouldn’t appreciate hanging out with Shania?


8 Responses to UFO Attacks Texas – Subs & Sats Collide

  1. Ram Venkatararam says:

    I have to confess that I don’t read the newspapers or watch the news so even if the government did give us the big news I wouldn’t pick it up until it had been condensed into a sound bite for Entertainment Tonight. “Will the approaching meteor kill Tom’s Oscar chance and all of humanity as well?

    A Pinto? Jesus, TL, and I thought owning a convenience store was weak!

    By the way, I borrowed the keys and let you present in the trunk. Enjoy.

    • tannerleah says:

      Dammit Ram! I knew there was a stench in my car that didn’t belong to me.

      The only reason I want to know the world is ending is so I can do two things. First, ram my Pinto into every dumb a** driver on the road. I am confidant that I can take out 10 to 15 people. Second, I want to gorge myself on the kind of quality food that one can only find at an establishment like yours. Oh, and if time permits, I would probably make a porno with Sarah Palin. I am sure she is interested and I should not deny her the thrill. (Obviously, womaninblack would be my back up plan. I would have considered Art but she will be going all Jesus crazy as the meteor approaches).

  2. Michael says:

    “No big loss” huh? The country that invented the telegraph, the telephone, the communications satellite, the blackberry, practically every significant communication technology ever developed, would be “no big loss”.

    Having been stateside the past couple of years, I can definitely hypothesize where a more significant “thinning of the ranks” would be in order.

    • tannerleah says:

      Michael – you left out the best thing aboot Canada – Hockey!!!

      I have to believe you have just as many rednecks (whitenecks?) and retards in Cananda as we have here. By the way, I would have said Mexico but I didn’t want to get shanked.

  3. Michael says:

    Sort of. America’s bell curve is slanted more to the left, with the far left being developmentally challenged and the far right being genius.

    As such, with a normal distribution and over 300 million people, you produce far more of both geniuses and morons than Canada, but your middle is lower than that of an average Canadian. Hope that helps!

    • tannerleah says:

      Michael – I am going to accept your assessment. I think that “middle” Canada is a lot more mentally healthy than “middle” America. Have said that, America still rocks! Canada?…not so much.

  4. Michael says:

    That’s a typical American response, you think you rock, but actually you suck. I checked with the rest of the world, and they are backing me on this one.

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