UFO Attacks Texas – Subs & Sats Collide

February 16, 2009

First, I would like to say thank you to our UFO buddies for attacking Texas. If anyone needs to be attacked, it is Texas. Having said that, our little alien friends better be careful because we all know that you don’t mess with Texas. I can easily see a few of these little green guys getting shot and turned into a nice chili or some sort of mystery meat burger.

With the attack from the heavens came the usual denials from the US Government. “What? We didn’t see no UFO. We looked but can’t find anything”. What a bunch of lying goons.  I am not a big believer in extra terrestrials but I am also not a big believer in anything Uncle Sam has to say to me either.

I think it is pretty obvious that if a meteor was about to blow the earth into a bazillion pieces, or ET landed on our planet, we would be the last people to know. “Gee Bob, what’s that big ball of fire coming at us in the sky?” Our government doesn’t even tell us the obvious stuff like where all the “rescue” money went and why we are really going to war. Is there any reason to believe they would try to explain a difficult concept to us?

Now, we also find out that satellites are banging off each other in outer space and two nuke-u-lar subs crashed into each other in the ocean. I am not the science expert that Liz is, but aren’t the ocean and outer space kind of big? How incompetent of a driver must you be to ram your stuff into someone else’s stuff?

In the end, I suspect that this is what the fireball over Texas was. Some sort of trial spacecraft that one of these genius pilots flew into a flock of seagulls. Instead of telling us how they just lost a $500 million spacecraft, they just say, “I don’t know what it was”. They need to start taking out insurance policies on all of this crap like the rest of us do. When I trash my Pinto, I don’t just get to go get a new one without first filling out a ton of paperwork.

I hope if aliens ever do land on earth, they go to Canada first. If they are evil and kill everyone, no big loss. If they are nice, the Canadians will make them feel good and get us off to a good start. Sure, they will have them saying “aboot” in no time but I think that is a small price to pay. Plus, Shania Twain can be their ambassador. What kind of alien wouldn’t appreciate hanging out with Shania?