Salma Hayek Breastfeeds Stranger

February 12, 2009

Before you pervs get too wound up, the stranger was a baby. Salma was in Sierra Leone to support a tetanus vaccination project. Apparently, she came across a baby whose mother had “dried up”. (That’s gross breastfeeding lingo). Anyway, Salma picks the baby up, whips her boob out, and the kid has the finest meal he has ever had in his young life.

But I am confused. Are there not some sort of rules about grabbing someone else’s kid and breastfeeding them? This strikes me as something akin to wife swapping. I know people do it but it is pretty much frowned upon. Do women have baby swapping breastfeeding parties where they just pass the kids around in a circle?

Now don’t get me wrong. If Salma was actually saving the babies life or something, I would understand. But this causes all kinds of problems. First, how is this baby ever going to be able to go back to just a “regular” boob? This baby has just drunk from one of the greatest boobs of our generation. How in the world can it be expected to water when it is now accustomed to champagne?

Plus, is this going to lead to other celebrities whipping their milk bags out all over the place to get the same photo op? If Courtney Cox just had a baby, would you want her to snatch your kid from the stroller and start feeding it because a TMZ camera crew is close by? Worse yet, what if someone like Rosie did it? Your baby would be scarred for life.

If I were one of those guys that thought pregnant women were sexy, this would be an awesome story. But guess what…they’re not. You can go on and on about the “glow” of motherhood and all of that other crap but large women waddling down the street are not really attractive. And when they are breastfeeding, that is equally unsexy. Who wants to go have fun where your own baby goes? It just seems creepy to me.

So Salma, you are still a Goddess. And while I appreciate the fact that you are willing to share your world class boobs with others, you are going about it in the wrong way. You can’t just snatch kids up and start feeding them. If you really want to make the world a better place, offer your services to Hugh Hefner. That photo shoot will kill billions of sperm cells in young men as they are deposited in any number of inanimate objects. This, in turn, will lower the teenage pregnancy rate. You see how awesome that would be? Do it for the world. God bless you.

P.S. Lose that horrible looking bra. Go for something more lacy in red or black. You are welcome.

Here is the unsexy video: