How Is The $800 Billion Going To Stimulate Me?

And when I say stimulate, I don’t even mean in a good way like Bar Refaeli. (Who, by the way, desperately needs a name change. Waaaay too many vowels).

No, what I want to know is what am I personally going to get out of this package? I am currently employed, like 90% of the population. So new jobs or extended unemployment benefits really only impact the unfortunate 10% of the non-working population. Except, that’s not really true. We know that unemployment never really dips below 5% so all of that money is really going towards protecting 5% of the population.

By the way, did you happen to notice that 1 million illegal immigrants have fled the country due to a lack of work? How much money is the country actually saving on this interesting new development? Will 1 million turn into 2 million and, if it did, would that be a good or bad thing?

I am also like 90% of the population that pays their mortgage every month. So what will the stimulus package do for me in this area? Lower my payments or somehow increase the value of my home which was already over valued do to the ridiculous run on real estate? Don’t get me wrong…I want the value of my property to go up but I also understand that if mine goes up, so does everyone else’s. Unless you paid much too much for your home in the first place, it’s a wash.

I think all people that earn less than 150k or 200k will get a $1000 tax credit. I am getting old and forgetful but didn’t Dubya already send me two checks in the last few years for about the same amount? If this will “stimulate” the economy, how come it didn’t happen the last 2 times they tried it? What magical thing is going to happen this time?

My biggest complaint is probably the cost of health care. The consumer is being not so gently squeezed in the balls on a daily basis and there seems to be no end in sight. Will this $800 billion do something about the mess that is the American health care system? No? Hmm….I guess that will need its own $800 billion piece of legislation.

I suppose I am glad that “we” will be building new roads and bridges although I must say that the ones I currently drive on seem pretty good. Of course, I grew up when dirt roads were not uncommon in rural areas so I probably have the bar set fairly low. Of course, with all of this construction comes detours and aggravation for us commuters. I bet people in Chicago are thrilled with the idea of more construction because they hardly ever have any going on. (Yes, that comment is dripping with sarcasm).

So, in a nutshell, I am going to sign my name to an $800 billion IOU which pretty much does squat for me personally. Look, I am all for taking one for the team but this is just a little ridiculous. The government can generate all the money it wants but, in the end, this is not terribly complicated to a simpleton like me.

The US government needs to stop occupying various countries around the world and spending like they had the ability to print money at will. (Oh wait, they do). And the American consumer needs to stop consuming at a rate that is not sustainable nor particularly smart. Your perfectly fine 42″ plasma does not need to be replaced by a 48″ plasma. At least not within a year.

Take the $800 billion that doesn’t exist today and keep it in your imaginary pocket. It will be a rough year or two but we will make it. Sure, a lot of companies that tried to game the system will go out of business but I don’t see this as a bad thing. Who knows, maybe we will see a resurgence of small community based businesses that takes care of its neighbors. Would that be so horrible?

I have to go now and let Bar stimulate me. I hope she doesn’t mind.


24 Responses to How Is The $800 Billion Going To Stimulate Me?

  1. Davis says:

    A lot of people will be stepping up to the Bar in the next few days

  2. anniewilson says:

    I’d like to go, come and get me. We can simulate a billion dollar stimulation.

    : )

  3. anniewilson says:

    Man, I spelled simulate wrong, didn’t I? Or did I? Dsmn, I’ve forgotten.

    • tannerleah says:

      No…you’re dsmn spelling is impeccable. Sadly, I cannot come and get you as Bar and I have a bit of a “thing” going. Well, she doesn’t actually know anything about it yet but I am sure she will be on board. (Please do not tell Sarah or my wife).

  4. womaninblack says:

    You and your vowels. You are a vowel-ist. Personally, I love a few extra vowels. I raised a black flag when we stopped spelling old ‘olde’.

    • tannerleah says:

      It is exactly that kind of wasteful spending of vowels which is the primary (maybe sole) reason you no longer control the world. Sure, there were possibly a few other reasons but it was mostly the vowels.

  5. Michael says:

    No, you guys are $#@&-ed and the simulus package is only going to make it worse. I’m fleeing to Canada myself, though I LOVED my time stateside.

    It’s really tough for legal, skilled labour (it just feels so right to go back to the Canadian spelling) to crack the US immigration code, though unskilled, illegal labour has created some expensive issues for you.

    • tannerleah says:

      Michael – Here is what I don’t understand. Why do “legit” workers from Canada feel compelled to leave? If the Feds can’t find the Mexicans, why are you worried they will find you? And even if they do, what’s the worse that could happen? I say just stay here until someone makes you leave. And since I am America, I have the power to do that. Print this and carry it with you…it should suffice.

  6. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Did you all not hear Obama today when he stated that “the time to discuss the stimulus package is over?” I guess that translates into “shut up already” or something like that. Lovely. Like Michael, I would flee (but to London, but I can’t because housing has depreciated in Las Vegas by 30% and I purchased at the peak of the market). Ever the lover of a good quote, I close with this from Harvard professor Niall Ferguson:

    “The delusion that a crisis of excess debt can be solved by creating more debt is at the heart of the Great Repression”. (Yes, he said repression, not depression).

    WIB- don’t let TL fool you, he revels in those extra vowels. TL lived in the UK and has a British wife.

    • tannerleah says:

      Liz – Why don’t you give everyone my address and social security number while you are at it? I never lived in the UK…I merely occupied it for a period of time. And I really can’t believe you fell for my wife’s fake British accent. Sucker.

  7. Michael says:

    The US H1-B work Visa is a hot ticket, over 200,000 foreign nationals apply for 60,000 spots annually. The lottery accepts admissions and closes for admissions every April 1, for jobs that would start October 1.

    I like it your way too, but I think my SSN would create some backlash, and I lack the mobility of a migrant worker with my damn wife and kids!

    Maybe I’ll print your comment, scrawl “H1-B work Visa” in crayon at the top, and if anybody asks, be all “How do you like me now, bitch”. That could work.

  8. elizabeth3hersh says:

    TL, you have a point. Occupying is not the same as living. I did more “living” in the five weeks I was in London then you did in the year or more you “occupied” England. I think “occupying” is what you would call your vacation to Vegas as well (who yawns while strolling the Strip???). I am curious, what would it take for a full blown, all-out assault on your senses and to get to that point where you are living the life of Riley?

    • tannerleah says:

      Liz – Probably two things could “assault my senses”. First, winning some ridiculous amount of money in the lottery. The euphoria would be short lived as I soon started to consider the pitfalls of such a stroke of luck…but it would be fun for a bit.

      The next thing would be a pill that let’s me keep my mental prowess but gave me the body of Adonis (without the little ding-ding and raisins). That would be nice. I would amuse myself for hours just oiling my pecs.

      So, in short, probably nothing. Was that helpful?

  9. Michael says:

    Tanner you are too much. Everytime I think you have shattered the boundaries of shallow, you take more water out of the pool. Truly you have a gift!

    Though, I noticed that you qualified the Adonis pill with “let’s me keep my mental prowess”, and I am calling you out on that, as it contradicts your earlier assertion that the link between great body and small brain is unmerited.

    So suck on that.

    • tannerleah says:

      Wow. Really? I try to save you from being deported, you ungrateful illegal alien, and this is the thanks I get?

      Let me link beauty and brains for you. Sarah Palin? Check. Angelina Jolie? Check. Kellie Pickler? Check. And the list goes on and on. But listen, if you want to hang with the smart, ugly women, who am I to judge? Take dumb old Jennifer Aniston or Jennifer Lopez or which ever dog biscuit you want…it won’t hurt my feelings.

      I do appreciate, however, you noticing my shallowness. I assure you, it does not come easily.

  10. Michael says:

    Too funny, not trying to get the last word by any means, but do you really believe Sarah Palin is smart? It is possible to be polished and not smart you know.

    And without smart, ugly women with low self esteem, more lonely nights in my youth would have been endured…

    • tannerleah says:

      Michael – Of course Sarah is smart! Do you really think a stupid person could be governor? Impossible.

      I appreciate your soft spot for the ugly in the world…it is admirable. But let it go. Thanks to better makeup and synthetic technology, there is just no excuse for being ugly these days. Leave them behind and walk into the bright light of beauty. You will be a better man for it.

  11. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Thomas Friedman (New York Times) did an op-ed piece on the H-1B work visa several days ago and how it could save America’s economy:

    Here is a man with some powerful ideas on how to turn this country around. I relish reading all of his columns…the man is infused with ingenuity and common sense. Give this man a cabinet post!!

  12. Michael says:

    I agree with Liz, Ireland is a modern economic juggernaut and 43% of their new hires in 2007 were foreign nationals.

    Unfortunately, the prevailing attitude I have seen down here is classic “Those jobs are for Americans!”. When did America become so afraid of competition? That’s not the old school, take on all comers, kick ass America I grew up hearing about.

    Now the American way is all about insulating Americans from having to compete. It’s a shame really.

  13. Michael says:

    Also Tanner, re: soft spot for ugly. It’s true! I am includer by nature. Even though I’m really tall and good looking I still make allowances for those who are not. Thinking of trying it your way for a bit…

    • tannerleah says:

      Michael – On this we agree. We should always look to upgrade our workforce and provide a competitive environment. This is the kind of challenge that Japan placed on the US auto industry and, for a time anyway, they raised their game. Being insulated, as you describe it, is just a way for Americans to embrace racism and nationalism. Sadly, the days of the US having the “best and brightest” has passed. We NEED an infusion of smart people in this country. I knew the moment that NASCAR started being on TV every week, we were in big trouble.

      Also, glad to see you are going to at least try to leave the ugly people alone. They need to raise their game…not for you to lower yours.

  14. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Ireland’s economy was an excellent example Michael! It is phenomenal what they have accomplished in just a decade. My only concern is the downside of poaching the best and brightest from the rest of the world. Some of these countries desperately need the very scholars we so covet and poach (with exceptions for Canadians or Indians as there seems to be more than enough to go around in those countries).

    TL, what tree hugging (by Thomas Friedman) are you referring to? His stance on the environment? I thought Nat Geo settled that years ago…I need to send you some brownies from Berkeley.

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