How Is The $800 Billion Going To Stimulate Me?

February 11, 2009

And when I say stimulate, I don’t even mean in a good way like Bar Refaeli. (Who, by the way, desperately needs a name change. Waaaay too many vowels).

No, what I want to know is what am I personally going to get out of this package? I am currently employed, like 90% of the population. So new jobs or extended unemployment benefits really only impact the unfortunate 10% of the non-working population. Except, that’s not really true. We know that unemployment never really dips below 5% so all of that money is really going towards protecting 5% of the population.

By the way, did you happen to notice that 1 million illegal immigrants have fled the country due to a lack of work? How much money is the country actually saving on this interesting new development? Will 1 million turn into 2 million and, if it did, would that be a good or bad thing?

I am also like 90% of the population that pays their mortgage every month. So what will the stimulus package do for me in this area? Lower my payments or somehow increase the value of my home which was already over valued do to the ridiculous run on real estate? Don’t get me wrong…I want the value of my property to go up but I also understand that if mine goes up, so does everyone else’s. Unless you paid much too much for your home in the first place, it’s a wash.

I think all people that earn less than 150k or 200k will get a $1000 tax credit. I am getting old and forgetful but didn’t Dubya already send me two checks in the last few years for about the same amount? If this will “stimulate” the economy, how come it didn’t happen the last 2 times they tried it? What magical thing is going to happen this time?

My biggest complaint is probably the cost of health care. The consumer is being not so gently squeezed in the balls on a daily basis and there seems to be no end in sight. Will this $800 billion do something about the mess that is the American health care system? No? Hmm….I guess that will need its own $800 billion piece of legislation.

I suppose I am glad that “we” will be building new roads and bridges although I must say that the ones I currently drive on seem pretty good. Of course, I grew up when dirt roads were not uncommon in rural areas so I probably have the bar set fairly low. Of course, with all of this construction comes detours and aggravation for us commuters. I bet people in Chicago are thrilled with the idea of more construction because they hardly ever have any going on. (Yes, that comment is dripping with sarcasm).

So, in a nutshell, I am going to sign my name to an $800 billion IOU which pretty much does squat for me personally. Look, I am all for taking one for the team but this is just a little ridiculous. The government can generate all the money it wants but, in the end, this is not terribly complicated to a simpleton like me.

The US government needs to stop occupying various countries around the world and spending like they had the ability to print money at will. (Oh wait, they do). And the American consumer needs to stop consuming at a rate that is not sustainable nor particularly smart. Your perfectly fine 42″ plasma does not need to be replaced by a 48″ plasma. At least not within a year.

Take the $800 billion that doesn’t exist today and keep it in your imaginary pocket. It will be a rough year or two but we will make it. Sure, a lot of companies that tried to game the system will go out of business but I don’t see this as a bad thing. Who knows, maybe we will see a resurgence of small community based businesses that takes care of its neighbors. Would that be so horrible?

I have to go now and let Bar stimulate me. I hope she doesn’t mind.