Thank God Bobby Brown Didn’t Punch Rihanna

February 9, 2009

Lord knows Bobby has had enough trouble in his life. He is no angel but let’s be honest; Whitney is probably not the easiest person to live with when she is all cracked out. I don’t condone Bobby slapping her around but I can’t say I am surprised. A black man is obligated to keep his woman under control. And yes, I am black so I can say that. (well…occasionally black).

Anyway, who the hell is this Chris Brown? Here is just another celebrity that I have no clue who he is or what he does. And the same goes for Rihanna. The only Rihanna I know is the song sung by Stevie Nicks. My guess is that these are both R&B singers and, I am not going to lie, I gave up on this genre the day that Barry White died. (I probably should have given up when Smokey Robinson died.)

Anyway, back to being a black man and keeping your woman under control. Mike Tyson said the best punch he ever threw was at Robin Givens. Ike Turner often had to keep Tina under his thumb / fist before she spiraled wildly out of control. Let me be clear, I am not condoning “O.J.-ing” someone but when a mans pride has been tested, he has to do what he has to do.

Sure, some white men have done it. Steve McQueen and Sean Connery have supposedly had to throw a few roundhouses to keep the peace at home. But they were just being macho thugs and had no real excuse. Black women are much stronger than white women both physically and mentally. This is why they are so difficult to control. Also, a black man’s reputation is the most important thing he has.

Do you really think that Denzell or Billy Dee would put up with some woman’s crap and just look like punks? Please…it just doesn’t happen like that. (Unless your name is Steadman). Now you don’t have to like these facts but unless you live within this culture, you have no right to complain or offer an opinion. In many foreign countries, this story would not even be reported. If it was, the guys that read it would think, “serves her right”. (Except it would read like this – لْعَرَبيّةلْعَرَبيّةعَرَبيْ عَرَبيْ . Trust me, I don’t lie).

So Chris, Bobby, Mike, or any of my brothers that occasionally have to throw a straight right cross to keep a woman in line, I understand. You are probably going to get a** raped in jail for doing it but what price are you willing to pay to keep your pride? Straight up.


A Porn Star Senator?

February 9, 2009

Some good people in Louisiana are sick and tired of the same old politicians leading their state. Who can blame them? Louisiana ranks about last in most state categories and has never come close to recovering from Hurricane Katrina.

Enter Stormy Daniels. Stormy is a current porn star but, more importantly, she is a concerned member of her community. With the state overrun with corruption and incompetence, a group is petitioning Stormy to run for senator. They have even set up a “Draft Stormy” website.

If you are like me, you are probably thinking, “Is this some kind of joke?” Being slightly skeptical, I did a little bit of research. What I found was almost shocking. Besides the fact that she is apparently a wicked awesome porn star, she is also imminently qualified. Not only was she the editor of her high school newspaper but she was also president of her local 4H club. If that isn’t a set of quality qualifications, I don’t know what is. (Besides, it’s Louisiana for God’s sake. The bar is not exactly set high).

Here is a photo of the brilliant political superstar to be:

stormy-daniels

It is pretty obvious by just looking at her, she is the real deal. (Looks like this photo was maybe taken at the “Mammy Awards”?)

Unfortunately, if Stormy does get elected as senator, she will then be the hottest American politician of all time. I say unfortunate because my loyalty to Sarah Palin runs deep. But, c’mon, are you kidding me?

Stormy will soon be launching a “listening tour” around the state. I don’t know what that means but it might be porno talk. In any event, there is little doubt in my mind that if she puts her mouth where her money is, she can get as many votes as she wants.

Of course, if she were to make it to Capital Hill, there would no doubt be a serious a** kicking waiting for her in the ladies room by Hillary Clinton. Hill doesn’t take kindly to women that refuse to wear pants suits. Plus, let’s be honest, Bill is going to be all over the senate chambers looking for Stormy. Even the gay senators are probably going to start switch hitting.

Just think, in 2012 you could have the Sarah vs. Stormy presidential contest. The Barracuda against The Beaver…or something like that. There would no doubt be a record number of presidential debates that year. Some would probably take place in tubs of oil or chocolate pudding. In fact, they would likely all be pay per view events and we would all pony up the fifty bucks.

God’s speed Stormy. If you do become a senator, please do not allow Ted Kennedy, Robert Byrd, or Barbara Boxer to be in any of your movies…no matter how much they beg. The American people just couldn’t take it.