Brinks Security Could Sure Use A New Ad Campaign

The latest ad features a young lady on her own preparing to get on a treadmill. As she is putting in her ear buds, we cut to a camera shot through the window where we see two shady looking characters peering in. We know they are shady because they are wearing black clothes and have on dark skull caps. As she starts running on the treadmill, the two that have cased the house sneak around to the front. Then, with expert precision, they kick the entire front door in!

Can I ask a question? If you intend to kick down the door, is there really any reason to wear the dark clothes or peep through the window? Anyone that kicks down a door is looking for action…not trying to be secretive. Since you are making all of that noise, why not bring some fireworks and bells and really raise a racket? Fortunately, the alarm goes off and scares the perpetrators away. I guess the sound of busting down the front door was acceptable but the alarm, not so much.

Cut to our heroine jumping off of the treadmill. The phone rings and the Brinks expert asks, “Are you ok?” Our lightly glistening young star says, “I think someone tried to break in? You think they tried to break in? You mean you actually have some doubt about what their intention was when they kicked the door in? Did you think they were going door to door checking for termite infestations? Maybe they were from the government and wanted to make sure your door was zombie proof.

When I was a kid, I used to be frightened of the thought of someone breaking into my trailer. (Laugh if you must, but we were rocking some shag carpeting and had a circular bed in the master bedroom. That just reeks of serious cash flow). Then one day my master, David Carradine, said something profound. He said, “Grasshopper…If a man wants confrontation he will be a mugger. If he seeks to be quiet, he will be a burglar”. At first, I thought burglar was someone that works at McDonalds and I thought Dave had hit the hash pipe too hard. But I figured it out. Burglars want to get in and out without any drama. That is why they “case the joint” and generally go to empty homes.

What does this have to do with Brinks? I think their message should be one of safety from stealth criminals. The guys that try to quietly sneak in while you are asleep or when your home is empty. That makes sense. But making commercial after commercial of retarded thieves that only know one way in…kicking down the front door…is just preposterous. I don’t need your damned alarm to tell me part of my house has just been smashed to pieces. Besides, all I would have to do is get one of those cheap air horns and these idiots would go running for their lives anyway.

Sp please, no more stupid commercials. Here is a suggestion. Show an attractive woman preparing to take a bubble bath. In fact, the first 3/4’s of the commercial should come off as a soap ad. Then with a few seconds left, just have a creepy dude peer at her through the crack of the bathroom door. Your sales will go through the roof! If you use this idea, I would only ask for a small stipend. You are welcome.

(And no, I have never done this. Although when I was a kid I did used to watch the old lady in the trailer next door get out of her shower sometimes. I was fascinated by her wrinkledness…and boobies).


6 Responses to Brinks Security Could Sure Use A New Ad Campaign

  1. womaninblack says:

    Are you saying that the Woman in Black ‘looks shady’?
    Because you would be right. Perhaps I could be hired to peek at a man in the shower in an amusing ‘twist’ on the above idea. I am very cheap.

    • tannerleah says:

      WIB – A woman watching a man in the shower is not creepy, it is hot. They would never sell another security system…ever.

      I am glad to see that you have embraced being cheap. I love cheap women and wish there were more of them. Congrats on setting the bar low!

  2. squirrel says:

    I believe we watched this ad together one day, and I made the comment of,”SERIOUSLY?” There is also one where I believe they break the window, which is also another loud, obtrusive way of getting in. I think I told you about the other one already, but if not here goes. The little girl is left at home by her parents they literally leave and 5 seconds later someone breaks a window. Now if I was that little girl I would probably run outside or even just look and see if the parents are still there, but no she has a conversation with the Brinks guy. Seriously, this does not happen.

  3. squirrel says:

    Not in this case, nope.

  4. elizabeth3hersh says:

    I will miss David Carradine…the Kung Fu series was my first introduction into Eastern philosophy.

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