Dad Sells Daughter For Money And Beer

Now, I realize the title of this article sounds kind of bad but, in reality, it might actually be a good thing.

Macelino de Jesus Martinez has a 14 year old daughter. She just happens to be in love with 18 year old Margarito de Jesus Galindo. (Don’t get caught up in the 18 year old dating a 14 year old thing. We have covered that ground in previous posts). In fact, Margarito loves the girl so much he wants to marry her.

Dad says, “no problemo”. (That’s Mexican for “no problem”). In return for my daughter, I will need a few items. Here is his list:

$16,000, 100 cases of Corona, 50 cases of Modelo beer, several cases of meat, two cases of wine, 50 cases of Gatorade and 50 cases of soft drinks.

Margarito says, “no problemo”, (Also Mexican for “no problem”), and begins making payments. The daughter moves in with her 18 year old husband to be. Unfortunately, for some reason, Margarito stops making payments.

Macelino, being an honorable man, does the right thing and calls the police to file a complaint. The policio (Mexican for police) tell Macelino that trading your daughter for money and groceries…even Corona beer…is illegal in the US. Of course, Macelino, being an illegal, is not up to speed on all of these American laws.

So, Margarito gets arrested for statutory rape and Macelino gets busted for suspicion of receiving money for causing a person to cohabitate. (Basically, human trafficking). In their defense, this type of arrangement is common in many societies and the Dos Amigos (Mexican for 2 friends) really didn’t think they were doing anything wrong. It is likely that all 3 will be deported.

While I understand that this is “technically” wrong, how awesome would it be to get money, beer and meat whenever your daughter got married? (Not to mention Gatorade and soda). We Americans need to get off of our high horse and start embracing some of the excellent cultural traditions that are common around the world.

Personally, I would have also demanded several cases of Twinkies and Ho-Ho’s but that is the beauty of it! You can personalize your offer to meet your needs. You want some roller skates? No problemo! Just put it on the list. Maybe you prefer some of that Jell-o that has whipped cream in it. Again, just slap it on your list.

Like most things, the more valuable your daughter is, the better stuff you get. Hell, I would imagine some scenarios where you could get a car out of the deal! Sure, it would probably be an El Camino but still…a car is a car. And don’t forget, in this case anyway, the daughter was going to marry the dude anyway. Why not make it a win-win for all involved?

I am off now to prepare my list. Hell-o Ring Dings!!!


8 Responses to Dad Sells Daughter For Money And Beer

  1. anniewilson says:

    Why should my father get the damn ring dings? I want them for myself.

    • tannerleah says:

      Annie – Stop being so greedy. Your dad had to deal with you his whole life. Let him get a little swag for it.

      Why do women insist on messing up the most beautiful plans?

  2. art vandelay says:

    I would consider some grey goose and dover sole…..but that’s just me.

  3. Marcos Machado says:

    Bro, it’s “no problema”, but I heard this in the news, very funny… but not a latin tradition maybe mexican…

  4. art vandelay says:

    How ’bout a smoke and a pancake? Cigar and a waffle? Flapjack and a cigarette? Bong and a Blintz?

  5. tannerleah says:

    Frozen waffle and hand rolled cig. Best offer you are going to get.

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