Did I Win A Golden Globe?

I only ask because I fell asleep during the show. Something about the speeches makes me sleepy. Maybe because they all say they are “shocked” to win in spite of the fact that they were 1 of 5 people in the entire world that stood a chance. That seems like pretty good odds. If they said, “George Clooney, congratulations! You just hit the Powerball!” I could see where there might be some surprise.

Anyway, I was not “technically” nominated but I thought I might get one of the lesser awards like “key grip” or “donut dude”. I didn’t actually do either of those jobs but sometimes people make mistakes. I wanted to win so I could send the Golden Globe to one of those places on TV that buy your gold. Getting my teeth filled with gold and then pulling them out and sending them in to be melted is leading to negative cash flow.

Did anyone see Susan Sarandon? The last time I saw her was on Rescue Me and, I must tell you, the thrill was gone. She used to be on my “top 5 hottest women” list for the longest time. Sadly, I had to retire her and replace her with someone under 60. Then, last night, she showed up looking like this:

HBO Golden Globes After-Party

Now, I am not saying she is back in the top 5, but I think it is reasonable for me to have her on my “injured reserve” list. My only hope is that whatever work she might have had done was eco-friendly. Maybe moss injections instead of Botox, for instance.

I guess I need to watch that movie, “Snoopdog Millionaire”. To be honest, I am not much of a rap guy but everyone swears it is an awesome movie. I have seen Snoop play a pimp in a wheelchair before so I know he has some acting skilz. Maybe I will also see the Notorious BIG movie that is coming out. It will probably win next year.

By the way, I have seen “The Wrestler” and Mickey Rourke was ok. However, Marisa Tomei is nothing less than spectacular as the stripper with the golden heart. It made me wonder why I never met that type of stripper when I was younger. You know, the kind like Demi Moore, or Marisa, or that woman with the big horse smile. They were going to college or looking to improve their lives somehow. The strippers I met were just looking for their next meth or crack hit. (Maybe I should have went to a strip club with a cover charge).

Anyway, congrats to those who won. Hopefully, I will be getting my Golden Globe by Fed-Ex in the next day or two. I would like to thank all of you that made it possible. I know I should be thanking Jesus for my possible victory but he always gets the credit. However, if I lose, I am definitely blaming Jesus…it’s only fair.


2 Responses to Did I Win A Golden Globe?

  1. coffee says:

    Mickey Rourke’s comeback story reminds me a lot of Robert Downey Jr. for some reason

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