Thank God For My Traction Warning Light

You know, the squiggly little dummy light that lights up on your dashboard when your vehicle starts to slip and slide. Today, as I was spiraling aimlessly out of control, I thought to myself, “What in the world is happening?” Fortunately, I glanced down and saw my traction light glowing yellow. Of course! I had lost all traction. Doh!

The only thing that could make this feature more valuable would be if a sexy female voice also came on and said, “You are losing control of your vehicle”. (Or something like that). That way, just before I plunge off of the highway bridge to my death, I can think to myself, “I wonder what that woman actually looks like”.

Yes, the traction light is a great friend to those of us that drive in poor weather. Some of you might think it is a nuisance and may be inclined to think, “No sh**, I am sliding wildly out of control you useless piece of blinking garbage”. But not me. I appreciate that someone thought that I, as an average driver, would have no ability to sense that the a** end of my vehicle was fish tailing wildly down the road. I mean, I might have just as easily have guessed that it was a flat tire, no?

Personally, I hope they start adding more of these lights. For instance, the “your car is already running so don’t try to start it again” light. Or the, “your car is filling up with water because you have driven in a lake and you are fixin’ to drown” light. Maybe even a more personal light could be added. Like the, “are you seriously going to eat fast food again you huge pig?” light. 

Thanks car people for keeping us stupid lemmings informed of what is going on around us. My, “you just skidded into a guardrail”, light just went off so I guess I need to attend to business. Ho freakin’ ho.


6 Responses to Thank God For My Traction Warning Light

  1. sandysays1 says:

    I always enjoy my visits here. Your SOH is great. Visit me at and read “Claus and the Consultant,” for some holiday humor.

  2. CSE/Olevel says:

    Thanks for the chuckle this morning.

  3. sd says:

    You need some new material and since it’s the holiday season I’m certain you want to GIVE to help those in need. This was listed as the number one charity not to give to:

    Check it out….

    • tannerleah says:

      SD – What a thoughtful gift you have provided me. As a man, you know I always love a great fake boob story. I will be sure to opine shortly.

  4. sd says:

    Looking forward to your take on the fake ;o)

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