“Butt Bandit” Sentenced To 13 Months In Jail

Are you kidding me? With all of the gang bangers and violent criminals on the streets today, the “butt bandit” gets a year in jail? How much more ridiculous can our judicial system get? First the deal with OJ and now this. Welcome to the new gulag where everyone is a criminal.

If you remember,  Thomas Larvie (aka the Butt Bandit) liked to go around to various buildings and imprint his butt on the windows. (He would also occasionally do his groin as well). To get a good imprint, Tom would use some petroleum jelly or other type of lube so the imprint came out pristine. As I understand it, he always did it in the middle of the night and there were no eyewitnesses. Maybe something slightly more than a prank but certainly not dangerous.

Anyway, the cops finally caught the butt bandit and he was convicted of eight misdemeanor counts of public indecency and one of disturbing the peace. In some bizarre way, these counts ended up earning Thomas a 13 month jail sentence. Wow, good thing he didn’t do 10 more windows or they might have had to execute him. I mean, the horror those windows must have suffered…they will never be the same.

Here is an idea for whomever the judge was in this case. Why not have Tom go around and clean all of the city windows over the next 6 months? I think that would have been a much more appropriate sentence. I just see no scenario where jail time makes this situation any better. Plus, when he presses his butt up against the jail bars, and he most assuredly will, one of the bars could get stuck in his crack. Who is going to pry him off of it?

The other problem I have with this is that if the butt bandit had been a woman, there is no way in hell she would have gone to jail. In fact, all of the old codgers in court would be saying to her, “Hey, come do that to my car!” It would have been a regular laugh riot. Or better yet, what if it was the “Boob Bandit”? She would be an Internet superstar and probably have ended up on Leno and Letterman. What a sexist society we live in…always trying to keep men down.

In the interest of fair play, I would like law enforcement to investigate the following incident:


Obviously, someone purposely imprinted their buttocks onto this chair. How disgusting. Other patrons will have to use this chair and have their buttocks reshaped by the previous buttocks. This is an outrage and cannot be ignored. I hope that all patrons of this establishment were butt printed and ran through the CSI computer. I know we can track down the dumb a** that did this dastardly deed.

What in Buddha’s name is this world coming to?


3 Responses to “Butt Bandit” Sentenced To 13 Months In Jail

  1. elizabeth3hersh says:

    This may be your funniest post yet TL! I’ll bet your readers think twice before pressing their nose against a pane of glass again.

  2. Anonymous says:

    you are an idiot

  3. tannerleah says:

    Idiot is offensive. I would prefer “retard”.

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