Finally, after all of these years, I can now leave my house without fear knowing that this vile, dangerous man is off of the streets. (Actually, I also had to pretty much completely ignore black people as well because I could never be sure if it was OJ in a disguise). Whew…The sun is a little brighter, the air a little cleaner, and the world a better place to be now that Orenthel has been taken out of the picture.
I hope all of you fellow OJ haters feel as good as I do. Sure, I am going to miss seeing Fred Goldman and Denise Brown on TV anytime anything remotely OJ related gets mentioned. I do feel kind of bad for them because I doubt OJ is going to make much cash in prison so whatever they have been getting from him all of these years now goes away. I am sure they will find a job doing something equally valuable to their OJ livelihood.
The good news is now we can focus all of our attention on the other celebrity killer that got away with murder. No, not Robert Wagner. I mean Robert Blake. You remember Robert Blake, don’t you? Here’s a pic:
That’s right, the guy from The Little Rascals and, more famously, Baretta. As you no doubt recall, Bob killed his white, blond haired wife Bonnie Lee Bakley in 2001. Blake was also found “not guilty” in his wife’s murder despite an avalanche of evidence. District Attorney Steve Cooley described the jury as “incredibly stupid”. On the night of his acquittal several fans of Bob celebrated at Blake’s favorite hangout, Vitello’s. However, he was not quite off the hook. Later that year, Blake was found guilty in a civil case filed by Bakley’s three children.
Man, do you remember all of that outrage you felt when Blake was acquitted? Do you remember the “take that you bastard” feeling you had when he lost the civil case? How about every time you see someone from the Bakley family… that sense of sorrow you feel in the pit of your stomach. And the hope against all hopes that one day, some day, Robert Blake will get the sentence he deserved for killing his lovely wife. It is all simmering inside of you isn’t it?
Oh wait, it’s not? Hmm…that seems odd. Let me compare the two again. Rich and famous? Check. Killed white, blond wife? Check. Found not guilty in criminal trial? Check. Found guilty in civil case? Check. What the hell am I missing? Where is the outrage and the, I can’t wait until we nail his a**, fury ? What is the defining difference in the two cases? It should be as obvious to me as black and white. Hey…wait a minute…
So, for the last time, you racist OJ haters can now keep your collective mouths shut. Until you want to show equal outrage at other celebrity killers who just happen not to be black, you have nothing else to say. OJ is in jail. You are now a whole person again. I have nothing left to say to you but always like to think of the immortal words of Clark Griswold to express my feelings towards the hypocrites out there:
“I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?”