Tina Fey Explains The Scar On Her Face. (Sort Of)

First, let me make it clear that I love Tina Fey. Of course, this makes perfect sense since her doppelganger is Sarah Palin. If you love one, I don’t know how you could not love the other. Although Tina is younger, Sarah has that very strong Cougar vibe going for her. 

In this months Vanity Fair, Tina and her husband, come clean on what happened regarding the scar on Tina’s face. Apparantly, a strange man walked up to her one day when she was about 5 years old. He approached her as she was playing alone in her front yard, took out a knife and slashed her face. A terrible tragedy.

It also happens to be the DUMBEST explanation I have ever heard of in my life. Really? That’s the whole story? Did you live in the middle of a crack neighborhood where this kind of thing might make at least a little bit of sense? Was the guy arrested? Did he go around the neighborhood and slice up other children? Please, help me understand how this ridiculous story makes any sense.

For the longest time, Tina refused to tell the story of how her face was scarred. I generally assumed it was a traumatic event probably caused by a family member. It also makes sense that with her current fame, she could no longer avoid the issue without it seeming that she was covering something up. But the “slash and run” theory just seems bizarre to me. Even if it was true, I would have lied and said I fell off of my bike. Much more believable.

In any case, even though she is no Sarah Palin, she has some great pictures in Vanity Fair:


But, Tina, for me to truly lust after you, you have to be honest. I can’t use my Kleenex box on women that I know are deceiving me. That’s why I could never get a tent going in my trousers for Condi Rice. (That, and the fact that she is hideous to look at). So just tell us/me the truth. I will get my man OJ on the case to track down the REAL criminal. (Well, as soon as we pop him out of jail).

Also, one more minor detail. Sometimes it seems like one of your eyes is kind of looking in a different direction than it should be. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, maybe you could get that fixed. Oh, and since you are already going to be anesthetized for that procedure, maybe you could have the doc throw in a couple of DD’s. (Very popular with the men these days). Just some helpful, non-misogynist thoughts. You’re welcome.


One Response to Tina Fey Explains The Scar On Her Face. (Sort Of)

  1. elizabeth3hersh says:

    That actually happened in one of the true crime books I read years ago. I can’t remember the exact case, but do remember vividly a very young boy who was slashed while playing in his yard . I’ve learned over the years that anything you can possibly imagine has happened or will happen eventually as long as the laws of physics don’t preclude it.

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