Bride And Groom Never Kissed Before Marriage

Melody LaLuz, 28, and Claudaniel Fabien, 30, are finally married after two years of courting. What makes this story different from any other is that the two lovebirds never so much as kissed during the two years. Both Melody and Claudaniel teach abstinence classes in the Chicago public school system and thought this would be a good example for their kids.

Obviously, I have all kinds of problems with this. My first thought is that these two measure “kissing” like Bill Clinton measures “sexual relations”…cigar and all. Sure, Melody may have provided oral sex or let Claudaniel “knock on the back door” but they never kissed. Hookers don’t kiss either but I don’t think that makes them pure as the driven snow.

Plus, this is what they consider to be realistic abstinence? When did a kiss become a sexual act? If that’s the case, I have been banging female members of my family for years. (Sorry, Grandma. I can only hope is was good for you, too). This photo shows Melody giving her husband to be a kiss on the cheek. How very generous of her.

melody-and-claude

Claude told the local newspaper he showed his love in other ways. For instance, like cleaning her car or washing the dishes. Dude, if you have to do that much work for a kiss, you are going to have to build her a house just to get a reach a round. (And even then she will probably stop early). Everything he wants for the rest of his life will come with a steep price tag.

And what if after all of this slavery, Claudaniel finds out he is not getting the goods he thought he was getting? Maybe she stuffs her bra or has a secret colostomy bag? What if, God forbid, he reaches down “there” the first time and grabs hold of something that feels incredibly like a sausage? That would be 2 prime years of manhood completely wasted. (Unless of course he swings that way then, no harm, no foul).

Where were these kind of virtuous teachers when I grew up? Unfortunately, the only person I know that thinks like this is the mother from the movie Carrie. “Hide your dirty pillows!” She probably would have made a hell of a teacher…except for the whole “burning down the gym” thing.

In any case, I wish the happy couple well. Unless of course they are completely lying to everyone. For all we know, Claudaniel has given Melody several concussions from banging her head into the headboard. Or, he is the father of 6 other kids in the last two years. Although he says he didn’t kiss her, I didn’t read anything about him not kissing anyone. Eh, I will give them the benefit of the doubt.

All I know is that since this happened in Chicago, somehow Obama is to blame. Damned liberal.

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13 Responses to Bride And Groom Never Kissed Before Marriage

  1. Andrea BreakDown Tucson says:

    CD and Melody…you have lived out your convictions and become an example to couple everywhere. I am so pround of you CD!!!!!

  2. tannerleah says:

    I totally agree. Conviction is a good thing. Look at Jim Jones’ followers, for example. Now THAT’S conviction!!!

  3. Aimee Dobbins says:

    On behalf of my very good friends CD and Melo, I must say to the writer of this post that you have no business posting anything for people to view in a public forum. This is pure trash and amazes me that people (you) actually think you have the right to degrade others and insinate that maybe their purity vows were not really pure at all. CD is one of my closest friends. In fact, the reason they met is because of me. I can tell you (and anyone else reading this who may have any doubts), that their first kiss on the lips at the alter was the farthest they had gone physically together.

    I am disgusted to read filthy language of any kind associated with either Melody or CD, because they worked very hard and made many sacrifices to keep their commitment of saving their first kiss for their wedding day.

    I hope you never run into CD. He is a very honorable, respectable and non-violent man… BUT talking about his bride like you did would make any self-respecting man want to hunt you down and hurt you. Fortunately for you it wouldn’t be CD, he would be more likely to forgive you and pray for you and your family. Which is why you should feel like crap for writting such garbage about such great people.

    Your are correct in your “about” section that you have “nothing of value to say.”

  4. tannerleah says:

    Aimee, I appreciate your desire to dictate what others are allowed to say but it doesn’t really work like that.

    I also appreciate your condescending attitude because it just reinforces my faith in various religions…”I am right and if you don’t agree, you are an idiot”. Amen, sister.

    You do seem to have some anger issues (“hunt you down and hurt you”). You can get some excellent medications to control that. At least they work for me.

    And yes, this blog is worth exactly what you paid for…nothing.

    (Are you sure they didn’t even cop a little feel now and then?)

  5. elizabeth3hersh says:

    TL, you need to “up” your medication NOW.

    Aimee, I was touched by the story of CD and Melody. It’s heartwarming to know there are people with conviction who also have the discipline and restraint to implement that conviction. They truly are an example for other young people to follow (here is a couple who actually think beyond their own immediate gratification). TL (AKA Mr. TissueMan) knows their purity vows were real…he’s just jealous HE personally doesn’t have that kind of restraint. Warmest wishes for a lifetime of wedded bliss to CD and Mel.

  6. tannerleah says:

    Liz, first of all, are you ever going to support my positions?

    Second, the person that you are so enamored with wished me harm. Have you no standards?

    Lastly, just like your new friend Aimee, could you stop thinking that everything you read, or see, in the media is true? At least Aimee says she has first hand knowledge of the couple. Of course it is just as likely that “Aimee” is actually some guy named Ken living in an insane asylum in Arkansas.

    Get a grip people…starting to get on my nerves.

  7. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Why do you try to find the Sling Blade angle in everything TL? Of course I believe CD and Melody are the real deal. What you are failing to appreciate is the tremendous amount of passion realized from these vows of chastity when they finally consummate their marriage under the eyes of G-d. It must be amazing!! One of my teenage daughters has vowed to try and remain celibate until marriage (the other until at least college). That’s not a good thing?

  8. tannerleah says:

    I see you suffer from the same disease as these 2 lovebirds…equating any type of intimate gesture with sex. Is kissing sex? Can I not be chaste if I kissed someone when I was 12? Is my life over and I am forever bound by sin?

    This example, like most, is someone taking a decent idea to the extreme. It is not healthy in any way, shape, nor manner.

    Should your kid be celibate until marriage? That is for them to decide with your guidance. If you are telling them that kissing or non sexual touching is the same as sex, you are grossly out of touch.

    What C&M do privately, although odd to me, is none of my concern…although I certainly have the right to opine. However, if they are teaching children that this is a typical or desireable way to handle relationships, I don’t want them anywhere near my kids.

    A kiss is just a kiss. I promise you, I will kiss you next time I see you. I also promise you we will not be shagging shortly thereafter.

    Mmmm…I love me them french fried pa-taters…

  9. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Your ort not talk that way…I like musturd on my French fried po-taters…ummm…reckon you make me some biscuits. You just a boy.

  10. elizabeth3hersh says:

    Addendum: Several days ago I was at the Fashion Show mall and in the ladies room at Macy’s. There were also four teenage girls in the room. I could overhear their conversation which was shockingly coarse and vulgar with a paucity of real conversation and an overabundance of expletives. They were talking about getting high and drunk and it was obvious they were on the lower rungs of the socioeconomic ladder by their speech and attire. I couldn’t wait until they left or I left. Skip to CD and Melody. Here is a couple so committed to their relationship and cause that they can forego sex and even any overture of sex until marriage (they actually got to KNOW each other before marriage, but obviously, not in the carnal sense). Part of the reason they chose this more extreme version of abstinence was to set an example for their students (after all, they do teach abstinence classes). Is it out of the imaginary realm that perhaps one student didn’t get pregnant due to their example? Perhaps another who didn’t get an STD? Another who was not demoralized after losing their virginity? You get my drift. Skip back to the four teenage girls in Las Vegas. One wonders how these girls may of turned out had they had had exemplary behaviour modeled for them, you know, the type offered up by CD and Melody. After forging a relationship over two years that wasn’t centered around gonadal gratification, gee, maybe they will stay married. Sounds like they are already best friends which to me is the foundation for a solid marriage. It’s not for most folks, but it’s nice to know that it can be done. Isn’t it? If guys would look DEEPLY into a woman’s psyche rather than deeply into her vaginal vault and conversely, if a woman would look DEEPLY into a mans psyche rather than at his penile proboscis, perhaps they would actually get to know each other. Fewer divorces? Less strain on families and society? Just my humble views.

    P.S. If it makes you feel any better TL, my 17 year old (Miss “I plan on abstaining until marriage”) agrees with you. But, I am cutting her some slack because she is only 17.

  11. elizabeth3hersh says:

    The girls were, sad to say, creepy. On the other hand, CD and Melody are two people I would like to meet. Neither one would make me want to clear out of a restroom. You just a boy, TL.

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