Miley Cyrus Is NOT Dead!

Oh, thank God. When I first read about her being killed, I was sick to my stomach. No, not because Miley had died (although that would indeed be tragic, I guess) but because I was worried that her dad was with her. Billy Ray Cyrus is a true national treasure and his passing would have been unbearable.

From his beautiful, and Grammy Award winning, rendition of “Achy Breaky Heart” to his should have won Emmy award winning acting on Doc and Hannah Montana, Billy Ray is a true renaissance man. He invented the “soul patch” look and who can forget his homage to “the mullet”. (Also known as the “Kentucky Waterfall” and later known as the “Joe Dirt”).

One of the true examples of Billy Rays ability to multi task is the fact that Miley and son Cody were both born in 1992…to different mothers! This was no easy task particularly when Cody’s mother is described in Wiki as, “an unidentified woman”. That’s right. He banged out a baby with a complete stranger! (And you thought only women had children with complete strangers).

Some folks feel bitter about the fact that Miley has achieved all of her success due to her famous father. Let’s face it, Miley may be the worst little actress and singer in Hollywood. It is only through the connections that Billy Ray has that keeps the crappy Hannah Montana show afloat. If not for the show, Billy Ray would be free to do sold out shows worldwide and set all kinds of attendance and earnings records. But he doesn’t. He protects Miley and the other little bastard child just like a good dad should.

You keep rocking that soul patch, Billy Ray. And, with a little luck, maybe we can see you do a guest shot or two on the Ghost Whisperer…Jesus willing. Your talent and energy has lifted me from a crappy little trailer to a full sized double wide. I owe it all to you. You sir, are the wind beneath my wings.

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4 Responses to Miley Cyrus Is NOT Dead!

  1. Elizabeth says:

    Hilarious!!

  2. GreenPrincess says:

    First we had your attempt at “responsible journalism” this morning which was a total boner killer to my Monday a.m. And now what are you- a music critic? Hannah Montana is the most wholesome show since the Cosby’s (which btw planted seeds to embrace “the Obama’s”). Tannerleah, can you just stick to humor (you do really well in the necrophilia realm). Billie Ray CHOSE to step out ot the limelight to raise his somewhat, shall we say “blended” family. In fact he’s been ghost writing and behind the lip synching for one Alan Jackson for years. Clearly your judgement of musical ability is lacking. And you forgot the “tasteful” yet edgy Annie Lieberman shots of Miley draped in satin while Daddy leered. Son you don’t know a thing about country music or growin up in Dixie!

  3. tannerleah says:

    Princess – Is it also safe to assume you have a “boner” for the Jonas Brothers? I thought so…you have zero music cred.

    And I was going to say something about the “nude” photo of Miley but I thought it would just come across as creepy. Kind of like it did in your comments.

    REAL country music died when Loretta Lynn did.

  4. squirrel says:

    Miley is skanky anyways. Poor thing. Every girl has her moments, only thing is when she slips up it’s all over the internet. Even though sometimes she puts them there, which is confusing. And Billy doesn’t care as long as his little “pure, innocent” daughter brings in the cash. BTW, I happen to agree that Miley is not a great singer or actress, but I still can’t help dancing and singing along to those teeny bop songs!

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