Airline Passenger Subdued With Duct Tape

Maria Esther Castillo, 45 from Oswego, NY, slapped a flight attendant in the a**, somehow fell on the head of a blind person and then pulled their hair. Somehow, this behavior got Maria in trouble. I have seen all kinds of passengers swat the stewardess flight attendant in the butt and nothing happened. True, falling on blind people is a new one but I am sure she had a good reason. Maybe Maria is a Muslim name and they were profiling her.

In any event, they tried to subdue Maria with ankle cuffs and she kept slipping out of them. They quickly moved to plan B which, and I am shaking my head as I type this, was to tie her up with duct tape. That’s right, a plain old roll of duct tape. The “Reservoir Dogs” school of detaining someone.

Isn’t the Department of Homeland Security in charge of this stuff? You know, the organization that has 200,000 employees and a 2009 budget of 50 BILLION DOLLARS? All they have is a pair of $30 ankle cuffs on the plane to take care of any trouble? Not even a box of $1.00 flex cuffs for big or small people? And what if, God forbid, more than one lunatic is on the plane? Just imagine if crazy Victoria Osteen was on the same flight. What a train wreck that would have been.

DHS, here is the stuff every plane should have to take care of hooligans. First and foremost, 5 Taser guns. That will keep the bad guys flopping in the aisle until you can get to the rest of the stuff. Next, you need a box of flex cuffs. Use as many as you need to. Of course you will still need the duct tape to put over their mouth. Then a sharp knife to lop off a bit of their ear if they struggle. Plus, one gallon of gas and a box of matches. (Only use if you really need to…it could have unintended side effects. Better also have a fire extinguisher). 

I would also suggest a large suitcase of money so that if you have to use any of the more “severe” techniques, you can pay off the passengers to keep their mouths shut. If you had followed my advice, no one would have ever even heard of Maria’s airplane “mishap”, except for maybe her next of kin.

And to think I actually thought that there were systems in place that would protect me on a plane. The government never fails to disappoint. If they would just hire Chuck Norris as the new Director of Homeland Security, none of this crap would ever happen. No one messes with Chuck…no one.


10 Responses to Airline Passenger Subdued With Duct Tape

  1. agrace2002 says:

    Maria should have kept her hands to herself no matter what her ethnic background is. She had no right to touch anyone. So that’s that.

    Profiling is a good thing. The more our Government profiles, the safer Americans will be. If profiling turns up just one terrorist out of 1000 people, then it’s worthwhile.

    Flex cuffs would be a good thing on flights to protect everyone from someone who has gone berzerk.

    Oh, V. Olsteen was found “not guilty” by her peers of several different ethnic groups. Get with the program!

  2. tannerleah says:

    agrace – Agree with everything you wrote. I just took a cheap shot at Vickie because after I got with her (in a biblical sense) she dumped me for Joel. Still hurts a little.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Hah, this women is a hairdresser at the school i go to… she just cut my hair like, 2 weeks ago. we knew she was kinda nuts but goddamn

    she used a straight razor on me… i could have been decapitated

  4. tannerleah says:

    Well, I would have hated to see you go but you have to admit, that would have been a way cooler story.

  5. tizzle says:

    I can’t beleive you broke out some Reservoir Dogs in a blog! You are rounding into quite the lil internet celeb aren’t you? But, I do have 1 question. If you use the flex cuffs and gasoline on the same person, wouldn’t the gasoline and fire melt the cuffs before the persons behavior could be modified?

  6. tannerleah says:

    It’s a good question. What do you say we do a test drive on you next time I see you?

  7. tizzle says:

    No sir, I am all good. Now that I can fit in an airline seat, I am always on my best behavior when traveling by air!

  8. tannerleah says:

    True story – I was flying today and they brought on board a guy in hand and leg shackles. I was SO ready to test my new plan. I had no weapons but I thought I could lasso him with my belt, kick a window out and watch him get sucked out. Maybe the suction would rip his head clean off!

    Alas, his big body guard stopped anything from happening. Crappy end to my story.

  9. Dave says:

    Being a kid from this town of Oswego, NY I have had the unfortunate incident of knowing Maria, long story short once I heard her name I was not surprised now we can add to Oswego, NY’s nationally noturious people is a drunken woman on airplane to go along with the Pedophile Mayor and clepto police chief. Once again I apologize to America for having to put the rest of the country through the crap known as Oswegonians.

  10. tannerleah says:

    Dave, have you considered moving to Wasilla? I hear they have an awesome library and church plus you get to have a criminal Senator! Sure, not as good as Oswego but the bar was set pretty high.

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