I wrote a short message about Lindsay Lohan and her unpleasant looking girl/boyfriend, Samantha Ronson. Someone posted my link at some lesbian message boards so I went over there to see what was going on. (Strictly as a fact finding mission).
Man, was I disappointed. Most of the lesbians just seemed to be pi**ed off at everyone; particularly men. I don’t understand this. Is it because the “real” lesbians are kind of hard looking and men are mean to them? It is a genetic predisposition to just hate all things male? I simply don’t understand.
I guess why I am confused is that gay men are probably the nicest group of people on earth. How many straight women have a gay friend? Almost all of them. However, how many lesbian women have a straight male friend? Probably not nearly as many. Hell, even closet gays like Ted Haggard seem to always be in a pretty good mood.
Now, again, it could be a “looks” thing. Gay men tend to be thin, well groomed and fastidious. Lesbian women…not so much. Bad haircuts, no make up, thick legs, always wearing jeans, etc. Probably the biggest sin of the lesbian wardrobe is the flannel shirt. (Please do yourself a favor and burn all of them immediately, unless you are DJ Pat Pat…she rocks the look!)
Still, gay men put up with a ton of persecution and seem to deal with it fairly well. importantly, they seem to have an ability to keep their sense of humor in tact. Lesbians, excluding Ellen DeGeneres, seem to always be in a sour mood and can be downright hateful. Completely unlike the happy lesbian women I see in my adult movies.
So my dear, lesbian friends. Cheer up! We get it. You can be just as surly as a man. But why would you want to be? If you would just be nice, your life would be so much easier. Both men and women, in general, would be open to loving you just as you are if you would just stop grimacing all of the time. Lose the flannel, slap some lipstick on the pig (to use a political metaphor), maybe buy one or two skirts, let your hair grow past your shoulders (this is a BIG one) and put a smile on your face!
The world wants to love you but it is hard to hug a cactus. Be happy like your male counterparts and watch the world become your oyster! I am glad I was able to help you with my little pep talk. No need to thank me.