Why Is Jesus Going to Let Barack Obama Be President?

I just don’t get it. All of the republicans I know are good Christians (Well, maybe not “good” in the strictest sense of the word). Also, 75% of all folks that consider themselves Christians or Evangelicals vote republican. They have prayed like crazy for McCain and Palin to win. In fact, Sarah Palin has spoken personally to Jesus about winning…several times!

With all of these prayers and conversations with Jesus, why is he letting a black man of Muslim decent be our President? Is he playing a trick on the masses? Is this a punishment for the greed and avarice of Mssrs. Bush and Cheney? What in the world is going on?

If I have to step out on a limb, I am going to make a guess that the answer is Jesus could give a rats a** who is the POTUS. Much in the same way as he doesn’t care who wins a golf tournament, football game, or whether you find a rich husband. Jesus doesn’t operate in the lowly realm that we populate. I know we wish he would hear our every prayer and grant our every whim but I just don’t think it works like that.

No, I think he sits passively by and watches us beat the crap out of each other. That is the beauty of free will. You can do whatever the hell you want and you only have yourself to thank, or blame, depending on how it goes. I realize having an omnipotent presence on your team makes you feel better about your chances but you are only fooling yourself.

My God, or whatever name you personally ascribe to, is all knowing and all loving. He also does not like to meddle in our day to day business. That’s one of the things I appreciate most about him. I am allowed to rise or fall on my own merits. That opens a lot of avenues for me whether I choose to take them or not.

So my Christian brethren, don’t feel forsaken by the outcome of the election. Jesus did not let you down in any way. No, as usual, it was your fellow man that did the dirty deed. We all should know by now that man is a pretty imperfect vessel and with the wins come an equal amount of losses. I suppose it is all a matter of perspective.

I hope you have enjoyed my brief sermon tonight. If so, please put some money in the plate as I pass it around. Papa needs some new shoes. With all of my love, Brother Tannerleah

PS. Pssst…Hey Barack. I will give you $20 in cold hard cash if you open your inaugural speech with the following sentence:

“Whazzup my bitches!!! S’cuse me while I whip this thing out!!”


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