A Look Inside The Mind Of A Cereal Killer

One of the most frequent questions I am asked is, “What is wrong with you?” I generally smile and say, “Nothing, really”. Then they will look me in the eye and say, “Dude, seriously, what the fu** is wrong with you”. Since I don’t have an answer to the question, I thought I would give you a glimpse of how my mind works.

For the last week or so, I have had a sore throat. I don’t have any other issues like congestion or coughing…just the sore throat. I figure in time it will go away on its own. Now you might be wondering why I don’t just go to the doctor and get it taken care of. I will tell you why. I have put on some weight since I was last there and my blood pressure generally goes up as my weight does. So, if I go to the doctor, he is going to lecture me on my weight and blood pressure. I don’t need that kind of aggravation in my life.

Anyway, after having the sore throat for a week, I thought I would check the Internet to see what the problem might be. (I am not really a hypochondriac but…ok, that’s kind of a lie. I am a bit of a hypochondriac). The very first site says that if you have a sore throat for more than a week it could be a sign of something more serious. The FIRST thing it lists is throat cancer!!! How does that make any sense? So the progression is, cold, flu, strep throat…. throat cancer. Really? Seems like a pretty damned big leap to me.

So now I have another problem. If it is throat cancer, I am probably going to have to speak with one of those boxes you hold to your throat. You know, it makes you sound like an electric razor. Sure, it would be cool to say, “Luke, I am your father!” but I am going to guess the humor in that wears off after the first couple of hundred times you do it.

So you can see my dilemma. There is no good solution to this problem. Every scenario has a negative result. I was going to post a poll to ask for advice on what to do but shortly after my wife reads this entry, I will get an e-mail that goes something like this:

“Tannerleah, you have an appointment with Dr. so and so on Wednesday at 2 o’clock. Why didn’t you tell me about this? God, you are such an idiot”.

So there you have it. A little snapshot into the mind of a cereal killer. (Actually, a cereal eater but that sounds much less menacing). I hope you enjoyed the visit. One day, when I am not medicated, I will let you come with me on another visit into my mind. That might be a slightly bumpier ride.


8 Responses to A Look Inside The Mind Of A Cereal Killer

  1. Elizabeth says:

    Bro, suck it up and make your appointment!! Good grief, you can’t let symptoms fester for a week and not seek medical attention! The fact that your doctor lectures you, speaks volumes (read: high caliber, caring, professional, tells you WHAT YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR, BUT NEED TO KNOW). Many doctors today can’t be bothered as they are constricted with time restraints and non-compliant patients (hmmm, anyone we know?). Just think, after your appointment, you’ll have fodder for another blog. Now get thee to the doctor! And lay off the Fruit Loops (gee, at your age?…shouldn’t you be eating bran muffins and bananas?).

  2. tannerleah says:

    Umm…I don’t do Fruit Loops. I eat manly cereal like Captain Crunch and Apple Jacks. I am told they are both chock full of nutrients.

    I didn’t get an e-mail from my wife so that means she’s going for the insurance. Well played Mrs. Tannerleah…well played.

  3. Elizabeth says:

    Stop clowning around Bozo and make that appointment. Your pollsters don’t care as much about you as I do.

  4. SD says:

    Gargle with hot salt water….Grandma recommends it. I’m finding out that she actually knows some stuff ;o)

    I had a sore throat for 3 days last week – the gargling soothed and wahlah…all gone.

    Probably allergies…that’s my 2 cents.

    Now, to the important stuff….not much for AJ’s but love the Captain…Captain Crunch, Captain Morgan….etc

    Take care.

  5. tannerleah says:

    Hmm…something hot and salty tasting in my mouth. I think I will skip that one.

  6. O'Level, CSE says:

    ok I repeat WARPED

  7. You should keep up the blogs, you really have a talent for bashing things and people in a comical way, I read through a few of your posts and find you halarious in a uniquely fun fashion. Try out for any comedy spots lately? If youre a hyperchondriac ( I can sympthathize) perhaps, if you don’t have stage fright, you should go for it. I’d watch you if you ranted about these things on tv. 🙂 Laura (Sidneycrosbyrocks@yahoo.com)

    • tannerleah says:

      Thank you for the kind words. If I didn’t hate people, I could definitely see myself as a stand-up.

      Oh, and something you should know that will probably end our relationship immediately. I am a Flyers fan. Sorry.

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