Archie Anglin had a problem. He was 82 years old, lived alone in Berea, KY and still had an incredible urge to use his “manhood” on a regular basis. Sure, he could have frequented the local old folks home and tried to hit on the elderly women but that’s not what he wanted. You see, Archie is a maverick…well, more of a stallion really. He wanted a younger woman that could keep up with his sexual prowess.
In August, Archie was pulled over as a passenger in 27 year old Gwenivere Szewczyk’s car. She was cited for various vehicular infractions but Archie also got nabbed by the po po. Seems he was carrying Oxycontin, methadone, Xanax and Lortab in a Levitra prescription bottle. Initially, he was just charged with carrying prescription pills in the wrong pill bottle. No big deal.
What the police failed to understand at the time is that Archie had found a solution to his problem. By going to his doctor and complaining of a variety of ailments, he could obtain a colorful array of narcotics. He was then able to swap these narcotics for sexual favors with various young women. All seemed to be right in Archie’s world…at least for awhile.
You see, the only drawback in this plan is that drug addicts also tend to be thieves. So, Archie started to notice small things in his house had gone missing. His TV, for instance. He frequently called the police and each time they would notice different young woman at his hip, bachelor pad. The police figured the women were just using Archie to get some cash or swipe stuff from his house.
Finally, after yet another complaint from Archie, the police put two and two together. Archie was luring these young women to his home for sex. For their service of the senior citizen, he shared his treasure trove of drugs with them. Seems to me it’s a fairly even swap!
So, if you think this story is creepy, just substitute Hugh Hefner’s name with Archies. You see? Now you are probably ok with it because, essentially, Hef is doing the same thing. (Although I suspect Hugh’s women are slightly nicer looking than Archies). Funny how perspective can change your point of view on certain things, isn’t it?
So old dudes out there that are sporting a tent in your pants. Dont’ give up hope! Get your scripts filled, go sit at the local hot spot and line the pill bottles up on the counter. You might also want to act confused because pity can be a strong aphrodisiac. Then, just sit back and watch the moths gather to your flame. Good luck and don’t give all of your Levitra away. You just might need it!
Another community service message brought to you by Tannerleah. You’re welcome.