You have to admit, it made for a pretty cool story while it lasted. Big black guy knocks down poor white girl and carves a “B” in her face. It reminded me of when Charles Stewart said a black guy killed his pregnant wife and then shot him. The Boston Police Dept jacked up every black male in the city. Of course, as we all now know, Chuck is the one that killed his wife.
Just as in the Stewart case, there were all kinds of problem with this story from the minute I heard about it. First of all, here is a picture of the “victim”, Ashley Todd:
As you can see, she is a portly girl. Everyone knows that the brothers love the chunky white girls…they don’t hurt them! Also, she stated that the assailant used a dull knife to cut her face. Who carries a dull knife as a weapon? It’s like carrying plastic bullets for your 38 revolver. Lastly, even if you assume the perpetrator was dyslexic and wrote the “B” backward, it still makes no sense. Again, everyone knows that Obama supporters view him as “The One” and he would have cut an “O” on her cheek. (Plus, it covers the dyslexic issue).
Todd quoted her attacker as saying he was going, “to teach her a lesson for being a McCain supporter”. Please…what brother in Pittsburgh speaks like that? If it were a true black street thug, he would have said, “I teach yo honkey ass uh lesson fo’ bein’ down wif dat ol foo”. (Or words to that effect).
So, as someone that has watched CSI for many years, I have looked at the clues. Confident that OJ could not be involved since he is already in the slammer, I quickly deduced that the real attacker was “Joe the Plumber”. That’s right, shocking isn’t it? He is still pissed off about the “he’s not really a plumber” thing and wanted to throw the Obama crowd under the bus. Plus, he is jobless and has all the time in the world on his hands. Also, since he doesn’t have a job, he probably would jack someone up for a measly $60.
Although I have now solved the crime, some of you might want to take a shot at this young woman because she is a McCain supporter. You might be inclined to paint all young Republicans as zealots and lunatics. That would simply not be fair. We are all Gods children and since the day he created the Earth 6000 years ago for man and dinosaurs, we have shared common interests. Like that time when we tried to go to the moon but had to fake it on a movie set. Remember that? Or when they said Kennedy was assassinated but we all knew he was really living in Hawaii (later to be joined by Marilyn Monroe).
I guess my point is that we are all capable of mistakes whether we are Republicans or Democrats and living in a glass house is difficult for everyone due to the exorbinet price of Windex. See what I am saying? Of course you do.
So next time you see a crazy looking chubby college kid with a backward “B” on her cheek, you give her a hug. She could use it. (Do keep your eyes on her hands, however, in case she is still packing that butter knife). Good night and God bless.