Could You Be Gay For A Day?

I went and saw Bill Maher’s film “Religulous” today. It was an alright movie but one of the early subjects covered was the insistence of religious folks that homosexuality is a choice. All of the people that were interviewed were clear on this point; you are not born gay and they can, with relative ease, pray that gay behavior right out of you.

Fair enough. So let’s pursue this line of thinking and make it more personal. If you think homosexuality is a choice, I want you to try this test. You don’t have to move an inch to make it happen. I want you to think about the thing you want most in this world. It can be anything you want. Got it? Ok. To claim this item (money, fame, true love, whatever) all you have to do is be gay for a day.

Sounds pretty easy, right? But here is the caveat. You not only have to “be gay” but you must also perform a gay sex act and enjoy it. By enjoying it, I mean you have crossed over from merely gritting your teeth to get through a challenge but have gone full blown gay. I would suggest that, if in your fantasy you are enjoying it, you are already gay whether you have accepted it or not.

I don’t know much about human behavior but I do know that a straight man, even in his drunkest drunk, will not engage in gay sex unless a woman is somehow involved. He will not toss someone’s salad, be the catcher in a game of pitch and catch, or enjoy getting tea bagged. Even in prison, he will perform gay sex acts but not truly enjoy it unless he is gay. That’s just the way it is. 

So, while I am still confidant we can pray the gay behavior out of Clay, it is not because he has decided suddenly to be gay. That was never a choice on Clay’s part but it is just the way he is hard wired. It’s the same way I am hard wired to enjoy women that have large hands and a big Adams Apple. Who knows why? It is what it is.

If you are having trouble imagining a male partner try this guy:

If Pastor Ted Haggard can’t get you chopping wood, then you sir, are not truly gay. (By the way, Ted has had the gayness prayed right out of him, or so I am told. Good thing he just chose to betray Jesus Christ. Smart move, Ted).

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2 Responses to Could You Be Gay For A Day?

  1. O'Level, CSE says:

    clue me in I don’t know what half of that 4th paragraph means!

  2. tannerleah says:

    I will leave the 4th paragraph explanation to one of our friends from prison to explain. I am sure they can say it in a much more eloquent way than I can.

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