One of the most frequent questions I am asked is, “What is wrong with you?” I generally smile and say, “Nothing, really”. Then they will look me in the eye and say, “Dude, seriously, what the fu** is wrong with you”. Since I don’t have an answer to the question, I thought I would give you a glimpse of how my mind works.
For the last week or so, I have had a sore throat. I don’t have any other issues like congestion or coughing…just the sore throat. I figure in time it will go away on its own. Now you might be wondering why I don’t just go to the doctor and get it taken care of. I will tell you why. I have put on some weight since I was last there and my blood pressure generally goes up as my weight does. So, if I go to the doctor, he is going to lecture me on my weight and blood pressure. I don’t need that kind of aggravation in my life.
Anyway, after having the sore throat for a week, I thought I would check the Internet to see what the problem might be. (I am not really a hypochondriac but…ok, that’s kind of a lie. I am a bit of a hypochondriac). The very first site says that if you have a sore throat for more than a week it could be a sign of something more serious. The FIRST thing it lists is throat cancer!!! How does that make any sense? So the progression is, cold, flu, strep throat…. throat cancer. Really? Seems like a pretty damned big leap to me.
So now I have another problem. If it is throat cancer, I am probably going to have to speak with one of those boxes you hold to your throat. You know, it makes you sound like an electric razor. Sure, it would be cool to say, “Luke, I am your father!” but I am going to guess the humor in that wears off after the first couple of hundred times you do it.
So you can see my dilemma. There is no good solution to this problem. Every scenario has a negative result. I was going to post a poll to ask for advice on what to do but shortly after my wife reads this entry, I will get an e-mail that goes something like this:
“Tannerleah, you have an appointment with Dr. so and so on Wednesday at 2 o’clock. Why didn’t you tell me about this? God, you are such an idiot”.
So there you have it. A little snapshot into the mind of a cereal killer. (Actually, a cereal eater but that sounds much less menacing). I hope you enjoyed the visit. One day, when I am not medicated, I will let you come with me on another visit into my mind. That might be a slightly bumpier ride.