Why Do Rich People Drive While Impaired?

And yet another celebrity gets busted for driving under the influence. This time, it was Heather Locklear. (By the way, doesn’t Heather look great in her mug shot, even with the raccoon eyes? She just turned 47. Talk about a MILF). I don’t know for sure but I bet that Heather is loaded with cash. Which begs the question, “Why the hell are you driving?”

I just don’t get it. I don’t even like driving while sober. You can rest assured that if I had the cash, I would have someone drive me anywhere I needed to go. Need to hit Taco Bell? Get the driver. This seems like a really easy solution to a never ending problem yet, for some reason, it doesn’t happen.

You might think, “well, if they are impaired, that is why they show poor judgement.” True, but the other thing that rich folks have is an “assistant”. You know, the gofer that meets every whim they have. Need some Chunky Monkey at 4 in the morning? Have the assistant do it. So, in my mind, if the assistant is worth a damn, they will prevent the stupidity from happening.

I do understand that a complete nut ball like Mel Gibson just can’t be stopped. Even if you tried to stop him, you would have to listen to his “I hate the Jews” speech and who wants to put up with that…again? But Heather Locklear? She seems so nice. Plus, she used to be a cop on TJ Hooker so she knows the law better than the average citizen. (By the way, if all cops looked like Heather Locklear, the streets would be full of criminals and drunk drivers). Hell, William Shatner is a way bigger drunk and you don’t see him driving around.

I guess the fact that Heather is still alive at 47 after having dated Tom Cruise and Scott Baio is quite the accomplishment in and of itself. (Tommy Lee probably didn’t help the cause either). I just don’t understand why she doesn’t have a chauffeur to drive her around. I have no beef if she wants to load up on Percocet or Darvon and cruise around…Just don’t get behind the wheel.

And you professional athletes, same goes for you and strippers. Stop going to the clubs! Rent a floor at a hotel and have your fun there. You know you are going to get shot, beat or stabbed when you leave the club so why bother? Only Mike Tyson should be hitting the clubs anymore. Everyone knows he is crazy and broke so no one will bother him. He is the new Leon Spinks. (I always loved Leon).

Worst case scenario, call me and I will drive you around. I can’t promise I won’t forget to pick you up because my memory isn’t as good as it used to be. But who cares? I will have your car so you won’t be able to get in trouble anyway. (This offer does not apply to Mel Gibson, Carrot Top or Paris Hilton. I don’t want to sit on her seats… Ewwww)

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2 Responses to Why Do Rich People Drive While Impaired?

  1. lol@u says:

    you are an idiot.

  2. tannerleah says:

    Thank you. I do my best.

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