After watch Mac and Rack puff their chests out last night and say they are ready to take on Iran in a preemptive strike, if necessary, I started to think about who we should whack next.
A Russian naval squadron was on its way to Venezuela today to conduct joint maneuvers with the Venezuelan navy. Who even knew Venezuela had a navy? It appears that President Chavez has been buying all kinds of military stuff from Russia lately. In return, Venezuela lets Russia get close to North America, if needed, plus they will get a new $6.5 billion refinery out of deal. USA? Who needs ya baby.
Then we have Pakistani troops shooting at American helicopters as they inadvertently cross into Pakistan’s air space. Turns out the new president, Zardari, is against people cruising into their country with weapons without permission. Ungrateful bastard.
Next up is our old buddies in Iran. The chief U.N nuclear inspector says Iran may be hiding secret nuclear activities. Of course, the Iranians say they are just trying to generate nuclear fuel but they are obviously big, fat liars. They are 2 shakes of a leg away from nuking Israel and everyone knows it. (I feel a little bad for Syria since they are going to get toasted in the crossfire). Ok, not really, they are evil doers as well.
Last but never least, North Korea is asking for seals and surveillance equipment to be removed from one of its nuclear facilities. They just want to test the equipment to make sure it works…that’s all. You know these guys are lying. They lie about damned near everything.
So, where to start? Let’s be honest, not much we can do with Russia at the moment. Look at how inept we were during the Georgian conflict. Putin and Medvedev are having a grand ole time pulling our strings. (I doubt the Russian people that are broke as fools are having nearly as much fun). Plus, Sarah can keep an eye on them from her house in Alaska. She will alert us if anything is going on.
We still are friends with Pakistan even though we have a tendency to have bad manners in their home. I think if we buy them pizza, we can work that one out. If not, we can just keep saying we got lost and “accidentally” ended up in their airspace. Really, what are they going to do about it? We are America, they are not. Nuff said.
North Korea already has “the bomb” and doesn’t seem terribly inclined to use it. They would, however, like someone to give them a bunch of money because they are also broke as fools. Might need to keep an eye out for any garage sales they are throwing to see what they are laying out there. I don’t know why we don’t just buy their nukes and be done with it.
And then there is Iran. Ahmadinejad is clearly nutty as a fruitcake but he doesn’t seem to have a death-wish. In fact, he has been very clever in stirring the pot in Iraq to keep the focus off of Iran. The problem he faces is a preemptive strike from Israel. That whole “erase them from the face of the earth” comment really seems to have pi**ed the Israeli’s off. I am not so sure that the US wouldn’t welcome Israel taking this problem head on and then say we are just backing our friends when we join in.
What to do? So many evil doers, so little time to destroy them. I say we attack Australia. I don’t like their silly sayings (good onya, mate!) and I have never understood how Keith Urban sings with a country accent. They only have boomerangs to fight us with so we could whip them in no time. Then we could all get kangaroos as pets. Pretty awesome plan, don’t you agree? (Cheney and Rummy would have never thought of it).