Jesus Hates Tom Brady

How do I know this? The same way everyone knows it. Jesus is a HUGE sports fan and always roots for one team to win. On that winning team, he usually picks one or two players and “makes it possible” for them to have a great game to seal the victory. Has there ever been a sporting event that Jesus did not get credit for?

So, in my way of thinking, if Jesus picks the winners he must also pick the losers. Today he decided he was just about sick and tired of Tom Terrific. You can’t really blame Jesus for feeling this way. He gives Tom all of these great skills, hooks him up with Gisele, has him play for the dirty, cheating Bill Belichick and Tom still remains humble.

My guess is that Jesus was getting frustrated that Tom was not pursuing a life of greed and avarice and smote him. In this case, it would seem that “smote” translates into a torn up knee. Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that Jesus won’t fix Tom’s knee. I imagine it will have something to do with how he responds to this setback. Also, it will also depend on whether Jesus can put up with the Manning brothers anymore…particularly Peyton. (Talk about a guy that needs to be smited).

In any event, Jesus still let the Patriot’s win so he was not being nearly as mean as he could have been. Plus, he let Brett Favre (mysteriously pronounced “Farve” – possibly the family is dyslexic?) shine today but he will probably be smote in short order as well.

I hope that when Tom does his first interview he says, “I would like to thank Jesus, my personal savior, for blowing my knee out”. Anyone can thank the Big Guy when they win, a true believer will give props in the bad times. Amen.

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2 Responses to Jesus Hates Tom Brady

  1. Edgar says:

    Very funny. Go Bears.

  2. squirrel says:

    i miss tom.

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