Workplace Idiots

Every company has them and they are annoying as hell. These are the people that acquired their current position primarily by fellating their boss (or bosses). They have taken “sucking up” to a new level and will not stop until they reach their individual pinnacle.

The kids have a name for such people: “Douche Bags”. Most of us use much more profane terms to describe these folks which is why I like douche bag. It sounds fairly innocuous yet gets the point across.

Your typical DB has never had a creative thought in his / her life. They are like the little fish that live their entire lives attached to sharks. They leech and steal the thoughts and contributions of others. When you look into their eyes, you see that dull, glazed over, “no one is home” look. They will compensate for their lack of intelligence through vanity…trying to look the part of someone important.

Don’t confuse mean people for DB’s. Some of the biggest pri*** in the world can be creative and make a lot of money for their company. That’s what sets them apart from the prototypical DB. The DB does not make money or save money, they only spend money. They are a big gaping hole in the bottom of the money making ship that cannot be repaired.

Here is a fun game to play. The next time you are in a meeting, play “Guess the Douche Bag”. Granted, if you already know all of the people, this is pretty easy. Still, go down the checklist:

Nods like a bobble head every time boss talks.

Asks the boss if he / she “needs” anything. (code for fellate)

Mimics what everyone else says but changes 2 words in the sentence

Plays with Blackberry incessantly during meeting.

Is always looking at everyone else, sizing up the competition

Just reeks of “douche-ness”.

If there are any other indicators I missed, feel free to add to my list. If you are confused and don’t understand any of what I have just written, you just might be a DB.

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