Meet Your New Boss, China

Why are people becoming so enamored with China during the Olympics? Yes, they had a clever opening with the drums and boxes. You will find that slaves, I mean “volunteers”, that have 2 years to practice can perform quite magnificently. But what about the real China?

Remember, this is the China where they told local restaurants not to serve dog on their menu’s and also told their tank driver’s not to run anyone over during the Olympics. Everyone knows about this but what about the truly insidious stuff?

For instance, my Internet sources tell me that roughly 1.2 million Chinese girls have been adopted into America (give or take a million). I am also told that it is very likely that these girls are some sort of “pod people” that will overthrow our government when they reach 21. They will be headquartered throughout the US at their local Chinese restaurants.

Think this is ridiculous? How about this. The average Chinese person is about 4’6″ tall. (Again, give or take probably a foot). How in the world do you explain the 8’9″ Yao Ming? Some say he is two men fused into one. When you do the math, you can see a distinct possibility.

Still not on board? China has 1.3 billion people. If they wanted to, and I have heard rumors, they could stand on each others shoulders and literally reach the moon. At that point, they could knock it off of its rotation and cause all kind of tidal problems. These are a very athletic people so it is entirely possible they could pull it off.

Even if none of the above is true, grab the nearest thing to your computer and see where it was made. 80% chance it was China. The cold hard fact is that one day before very long, we are going to be China’s whipping post. They will call all of the shots and there will be little we can do about it. God, I hope dog tastes like chicken.


4 Responses to Meet Your New Boss, China

  1. thebittersea says:

    I love your analysis. Mind if I cite you on my blog?

  2. tannerleah says:

    Please feel free to. Keep in mind that my statistics might be SLIGHTLY off.

  3. lightshortSTILLslowclimber says:

    For several years I’ve said the BO(Beijing Olympics) were going to be the Chinese “Thanks for coming to our Taking Over the World Party.” IMHO it still might be. Even so, I am always impressed at what sheer will and practice can accomplish. I LIKE the guys in the boxes, because at least they joined an effort to accomplish something that wasn’t run by computers.
    Our neighborhood lost phone service when an underground line was cut, and after 8 days, we still have a dead line. Good old Quest, w/ corp. headquarters 30 miles away in Denver, cant get off their butts to deal with it. That would be fixed in an hour in China, I bet.
    I realized this country has already lost out, when I learned not only France, but even China already has a super-high speed train running. It’s amazing we have any healthy athletes left to send, with all our arms sprained from patting ourselves on our flag-draped backs.
    I dont admire the Chinese, but I respect their aggressive pragmatism. They are temporarily still a developing nation, but 10 years from now I suspect the average Chinese standard of living will be on a par with us now, while the rest of the world will be left spinning in the wind, us included, and we will be living at about a 1955-era level (if we havent simply been neutron-bombed by then).
    All crap junk tools, especially car jacks, are pre-programmed to collapse on the last Sunday of the Games; this will crush all the gun-totin’ Good Ol Boys out working on their pickups, leaving our inland defenses up to the Bluetooth-ear-tick wearing schizophrenics who dont realize GW and his thugs “mission-accomplished” meant vast wealth for a few dozen cronies in the oil biz, period. Halliburton will give Cheney sanctuary and a big palace in their new corp HQ in Dubai, and the rest of us will be left to wait for the Rapture…

  4. tannerleah says:

    Climber – Awesome comment. Got my day off to a good start. Thanks.

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