As my research continues on Sarah Palin, I have discovered that it seems Sarah is a bit of a celebrity animal killer. I know this is hard to believe but, as we all know, the Internet does not lie.
First, it was Yogi Bear. This is somewhat understandable because, frankly, Yogi can be very annoying and is a bit of a kleptomaniac. I have personally had my “pic-a-nic” basket lifted by Yogi. (However, I still love Boo Boo).
But how can you possibly explain the death of Rudolph the Red-nose Reindeer? Everyone loves Rudolph and, in my opinion, Sarah has crossed the line. (My Internet resources also tell me that Vixen, Comet and Cupid are reported missing or in hiding). I have photo evidence of this atrocities. (Viewer warning – these images may be disturbing)
How such a seemingly nice “hockey mom” can be such a ruthless killer is hard to fathom. Something clearly happened in her life that sent her over the edge. Although this is unfounded, I think I might have the answer.
After Sarah had her 3rd child, Damian, she also happened to stumble across some baby gophers. (Gophers are probably everywhere in Alaska). Since she was already breastfeeding Damian, she also started nursing these gophers. It was wonderful and Sarah even took to wearing the gophers out in public. (See photo below).
Shortly after this photo was taken, the gophers bit Sarah in the boob and that seemingly flipped a switch in her brain. Since then she has been on a hunting spree unmatched even by Dick Cheney (who, don’t forget, also hunts humans).
Will Sarah’s lust for animals continue? It is unknown but don’t be surprised if the Easter Bunny is nowhere to be found next spring.