Let Me Help My Fellow Driver’s…Again

I know, I know. Driving in residential neighborhoods can be so confusing. First there are those ridiculously slow speed limits. If you actually drove 25 MPH, you would probably stall the engine and cause serious damage to your motor. Plus, how humiliating is it to have Billy on his bicycle going faster than you in your gas guzzling SUV? It’s just not fair. If people don’t understand you have a God given right to go 40+MPH, screw ’em.

Obviously, the second huge problem is the fact that the cheap city or county decided NOT to paint lines down the middle of the neighborhood street. How in the hell are you supposed to know where to go! Most of you have figured out that the correct way to handle this confusion is to drive straight down the middle of the road. It’s kind of exhilarating, isn’t it? Just me and my road and I get to do whatever I please. What’s that? Another car coming from the other direction? Too bad, this is my street! He can just drive on the curb to get around me.

Believe me suburban drivers, I feel your pain. So please continue to wail down the road smack dab in the middle of it until your heart is content. If there are casualties, so be it. Your needs are obviously much more important than anyone else’s. I salute you!

(With my middle finger so slow your ass down and get over on the right side of the road!)


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