Stock Market Analyst

I used to think the best job to have would be a weatherman. No one took them seriously, they could be wrong at least 50% of the time and they got to work indoors. Pretty sweet gig. Who could ask for more?

Oh, how wrong I was. Sure, weather persons (or whatever they are referred to today) still have a great job but it pales in comparison to a “Stock Market Analyst”. What an official sounding job. You would think that they probably have a job that deals with analyzing the stock market, correct?

Hard to tell. These folks make the weather people look like Nostradamus. Here is a little example. Thursday 7/3/08, stock market analyst “A” says that they think a particular stock is a “buy” and has a target of $40. I am sure a lot of deep, deep analysis went into this decision and I respect the opinion. Again, an analyst must be a fairly bright person so I buy a few shares at a good price.

Today 7/7/08, the same analyst says this stock is a “sell” with a target of $12. WTF?!?! Did the head dude die or did someone break in and steal all of their stuff? Maybe a hurricane or flooding? I searched high and low and found nothing. However, because an analyst apparantly can see the future, investors sold this stock off as it were radioactive.

Seriously, how does one get such a job? Imagine if we could shop like this at Wal-Mart:

Cashier: That will be $65.57, sir.

Me (Analyst): Gee, I don’t think so. You see, as I was strolling over here it occurred to me that this item is overvalued. It should sell for $6.32.

Cashier: That’s ridiculous sir.

Me: Excuse me. Did I mention that I am an analyst?

Cashier: Oh! Then it makes perfect sense. After all, you analyze these things so who am I to question you?

Me: No problem. Just one thing…sorry to say that since we have been talking the value has dropped again.  

Cashier: That’s terrible. What should it be now?

Me: Well, you are going to need to give me the item and, in fact, also hand me $26.19 in cash.

Cashier: Absolutely! Thank you for your in depth analysis.

I am sure you need to have some sort of education or be part of a club to be an analyst but I think it is worth the price of admission. (Unless, of course, an analyst says otherwise).


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