The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Muslims And The TSA

July 17, 2012

Quick question. When did the USA become some a bunch of scaredy cat pussies? Honestly, it’s been over 10 years since 9/11 and we still spend a BILLION dollars a week on Afghanistan. On top of that, we are scared to death of Muslims and have given carte blanche to the government (and, specifically, the TSA) to do whatever the hell that want to keep us “safe”. Guess what? I am safe. (Until Barry Obama decided that a US CITIZEN could be held without legal representation, and no one said a word, I knew it was all over).

Here’s the thing. About 115 people will die in a car crash today. Also today. not one person will die in a bumper car accident. Lesson learned? Turn regular cars into bumper cars and everyone driving will live to see another day! TL, that’s just silly. Is it? You are willing to let the TSA fondle your junk to get on a plane. Not too long ago, such a thought would be preposterous.

Speaking of the Touch Sacs Aggressively (TSA), a reader provided the follow infograph.

Provided by:

Pretty depressing, eh? The infograph for the Dept of Homeland Security (the parent dept of TSA) would be even worse. Billions and billions of dollars spent, loss of privacy, constant fear mongering, and for what? Yesterday, 6 passengers found needles in their airline food. How long before DHS creates a department for this? it is beyond ridiculous but there doesn’t seem to be any effort to slow it down.

Why? It’s all about the false sense of patriotism that politicians love to beat the drum to but, more importantly, it’s about the money, money, money. The endless hall pass on spending since 9/11 has shown no signs of slowing down. Politicians love it because they can funnel copious amounts of money to their constituents without being second guessed. Only socialists would be against saving American lives. Hence war and fear have always been big money winners.

These trillions of dollars spent the last 10 years have saved us from what exactly? A guy with a bomb in his shoe or in his underwear? No, proponents would say. Think of all the things that didn’t happen. It’s the Jesus argument. Yes, you can’t see him or know what he is up to, but how bad would it be without him? As it relates to Jesus and the TSA, I am willing to take that risk.

What Part Of George Zimmerman’s Story Am I Missing?

May 24, 2012

I have been thinking about this a lot, and, as near as I can tell, George Zimmerman followed a kid after the police told him to stop. He engaged the kid and said kid is now dead. What am I missing? Under what circumstance is Zimmerman not guilty? If you initiate contact unwillingly with someone else, and it goes bad, how is that not your fault? If he would have left Trayvon Martin alone, there is no scenario where either party would have been injured, correct?

To me, that’s the end of the story. Well, the kid was a criminal. OK, that’s what police are for. Well, Zimmerman was just trying to keep his neighborhood safe. Good job Zim! You did the right thing in calling the cops. But when they told you to leave him alone, you blew it. Yeah but Trayvon beat the crap out of Zimmerman. 3 things. Again, don’t follow him and he doesn’t beat you. Two, if you are going to confront someone, you should have at least some basic skills in handling yourself. Three, if you have a gun, or are attacking me, I will do everything in my power to hurt you. It’s human survival.

Well TL, this kid Martin was a druggie, thieving, scumbag and Zimmerman just made the streets safer. This is probably the most ridiculous of all of the arguments. Zimmerman had no idea who Martin was on that day and his own bias and prejudice initiated the entire mess. This leads directly to the “I hate ni**ers” line of thinking. While that line of thinking is alive and well in some people, it does not help ion a situation like this. Is Zimmerman a racist? Who cares? Just like I don’t care about what type of person Martin was as it relates to this crime.

In the end, these paths should have never crossed. Only one person is responsible for the interaction, (again, against police advice), and that is Zimmerman. While I much better understand an argument being made for the degree of the penalty, this guy is no doubt guilty. What’s a human life worth? Is it worth less in a hoody or if the person is young? Or black?

Help me understand why Zimmerman should walk in this case. I really don’t see it.

My Latest Battle With Depression

May 23, 2012

Some of you know that depression kicked my ass about 8 weeks ago. I just woke up one day and couldn’t get out of bed. If it wasn’t for my wife, I would definitely be giving Brian Wilson a run for his money. (For you youngsters, Brian stayed in bed for a full year). Also, I just felt like I wanted to die. Not kill myself, just allow myself to succumb to a massive coronary or something.

I ended up in a outpaitient program for 6 weeks. (initially, they told me it would be 3. Hence, I was twice as crazy as they thought I was). Anyway, it was one of the best experiences I have ever had in my life. What I thought would be a daily episode of Springer with crazy people beating the crap out of each other was just the opposite.

To my amazement, all of these people in tremendous pain, were so kind and generous it was overwhelming at first. They could so easily see others pain but could not tap into their own for some reason. This really resonated with me. However, as they shared their stories, I could see my own issues coming into much clearer view. I certainly was ashamed and embarrassed to be there, at first, but it may have been one of the best things to ever happen to me.

So, TL, does this story have a happy ending? Kind of. I have a great cast of loving and supportive friends and family. However, I do suffer from chronic depression and I don’t think it is something that is really “cured”. It’s a constant work in progress. My hope is, before I fall of a cliff again, is that I see the behaviors that led me to such a dark place. I can live with that. The common theme in therapy was, “If this is as good as life gets, I just don’t want to be here anymore”. I am hopeful it will get better but I also appreciate that a lot of work goes into that.

We just need 3 things to have a great life. Love ourselves, love others, and allow ourselves to be loved… all unconditionally. Pretty simple, eh? Of course the devil is in the details. I can tell you this. Beating on yourself relentlessly is exhausting. In a group setting, you can see the fatigue on all of our faces. Depression is a grind, it’s hard. It’s also real. As real as a broken arm. My hope is that, if you are depressed, you seek help. Don’t be afraid or ashamed. You deserve to be whole. We all do. TL

Young Women Are Hotter Than Old Women

January 27, 2012

Can we finally agree on this? I don’t know why women struggle with this basic law of nature. No matter what you do, with rare exceptions, you are not going to be as attractive today as you were 20 years ago. Period.

Does that mean that older women can’t be hot? Of course not. Where do you think MILF’s come from? If you know me, you know I would still bang Helen Mirren. That’s not the point I’m trying to make. I am simply saying that the older version of you usually will lose a beauty contest with the younger version of you.

Here’s an example. Most people would say that Jane Fonda looks amazing these days. And she does. However, she is a dog compared to her younger self. Here’s my proof.

See what I am saying? Sure, Jane looks great today but she looked amazing back in the day.

So why bring this up now? Demi Moore. She looks horrible, ends up in the hospital, and is the epitome of someone looking to hold onto to something from the past. Maybe its vanity but more likely it’s her way of dealing with her problems; current and past. She gets the boob implants to make the stripper movie. She marries a young guy to stay relevant. She tries to stay stick thin to keep up with all of the young stick figures out there. I am sure she feels her reasons are compelling and rational. They’re not.

Media and peer pressure seem to be the primary reasons that women put themselves through this. They see the beautiful 40 something year old actress and feel like they should also look that way. They feel betrayed by their formerly hot body. Why hath thou forsaken me? Because that’s how nature works. Ageing is normal and to be expected. You can pull your skin so tight that your vagina is where your lips used to be but that doesn’t mean it looks good. Case in point, the 33 year old Nikki Cox.

In what universe does the young woman on the right look good to anyone? The sad part is I’m sure her “handlers” tell her she looks amazing. The doctor that did this to her should be kicked out of the career field. I realize it was her decision but doctors have to have the good sense to just say no.

Well TL, you misogynist prick, you must think anyone over 35 is not hot. That only young women should be on TV and in movies and older women should just go off into the sunset and die. Not at all. My wife of 25 years is beautiful. When she doubts that, I tell her to go to Wal-Mart and compare herself to other women her age. If that doesn’t cheer you up, I don’t know what will.

Our scars, real and imagined, are very much who we are. As we age, we will undoubtably collect more. But we also collect knowledge, wisdom, compassion, understanding, and are intellectually superior to who we used to be. What’s wrong with that? Sure, women of all ages still throw themselves at me but I am the exception to the rule. Not everyone can look like me…or have my cash…or giant penis…

Ladies, stop beating yourself and each other up. You are all beautiful to someone. However, you need to see that in yourself first. Christ, even Oprah and Rosie have partners. How much worse looking can you be than those two? (I think I may have just undercut my own point). If you need to know if you are still beautiful ask me. The answer is yes. Hugs and kisses, TL

Occupy Wall Street Or Twilight: Breaking Dawn?

November 16, 2011

Since I am boycotting Black Friday because it has now been moved to Thursday, I have some extra time to stand around somewhere. The two obvious choices are to Occupy Wall Street (OWS) or stand in line for the premier of the new Twilight movie.

I think an occupation sounds much longer than standing in line but I am told the lines to these Twilight movies are ridiculous. From a “save the world” point of view, OWS just barely beats out killer vampires and all of the other Satanic stuff that comes with Twilight. Are blood sucking corporations any less dangerous than the Twilight devil people? I think not. But, I don’t literally have to go to Wall Street to protest. I can just make a small sign and wave it from my couch. It is the thought that counts people.

However, standing in line with a bunch of Satan worshippers sounds like a lot of fun too. I hear that one of the characters is named Bela after Bela Lugosi. I love those old movies! Plus there is a werewolf and a guy with a scar in the shape of a lightening bolt on his head. Frankenstein? Could be. Just sounds like a lot of fun to me. I hope the fact that I haven’t seen any of the first six movies doesn’t matter. Maybe my new friends in line will fill me in on the details.

Still, the OWS group is older and more likely to be high. They seem to be a lot like Juggalos and lord knows I love those crazy people. They will show you their boobs for $1 or less! Where else can you get that except at a strip club or under the overpass on MLK Blvd? (See photo below for proof). Plus, there is always the threat of police brutality which makes for awesome YouTube videos.

What guy doesn’t love a girl with big boobs that can’t spell? To be fair, I bet if I look for hot Twilight women, there will be plenty of them as well.

Wait…wha…??? I didn’t know Twilight had gone all Brokeback Mountain. When the hell did this happen? Not that I am against this sort of thing but I doubt Bela Lugosi would approve. (Although the guy on the right does have some sexy sideburns). FYI, if they are going to go in this direction, they should at least be sharing some tongue.

Well, it’s settled. I am not going to attend either event. The truth is, the battery in my Rascal Scooter would not last long enough to get me where I am going. Plus, I am sure someone would have something snarky to say about me going commando. You kids have fun.

Why Do Churches Kick Their Own People Out?

November 4, 2011

As many of you know, I am not a big fan of religion. The whole, “My God is better than your God” mantra is beyond silly. Every group seems to be the “chosen people”. If there is a God, I just don’t see why he would establish a bunch of teams to compete against each other. Seems counter productive to me.

Anyway, a family member recently told me a story about a young woman who belonged to her church. She told me the story because she felt what happened was wrong but also felt powerless to confront the church’s hierarchy. (And really, who wants to go to a church where you are actually allowed to dissent?)

In a nutshell, the young woman had no job and was on welfare. At some point, she stopped tithing 10% of her welfare check to the church. First of all, are you even supposed to tithe welfare money? It’s not like you worked for it. It feels like you are involving God in some kind of money laundering scheme. In the eyes of the church, she absolutely was still required to give the 10%. In fact, they told her if she did not, she would be excommunicated from the church. She said she simply couldn’t afford it and they kicked her out. She is now, I suppose, just a regular old heathen like me.

I must admit that I was surprised to hear this story. I thought Jesus loved poor people, hookers, and sick leopards. I can’t imagine a scenario where Jesus would kick one of his followers out for not ponying up some cash. Just doesn’t seem like a very Christian thing to do, does it? But, since this was just a one-off story, I didn’t think too much more about it.

Then I came across this letter on-line:

This person got kicked out of church for poor attendance! Again, I didn’t even know such a thing was possible. The best part, however, is not only is this person being thrown out, they are being sent directly to Satan! I don’t know all of the rules of religion but this seems like a slightly harsh sentence, no? If this is truly a rule, Hell must be overrun with people. Who has perfect attendance at church except your Auntie and Grandma?

I also enjoyed the caveat at the end of the letter. If you choose to give up your whoring life, contact us and we will call Jesus to get things straightened out. Jesus, Pastor Shady, your just a bit of a control freak, aren’t you? I am pretty sure that there is more than one way to find God than through the Cornerstone Church.

Church people of the world, please stop turning on your own peeps. When they are down, that’s when they need you most. Not to lecture them or give them to Satan but to help them through whatever troubles they are enduring. If Jesus was willing to help the poor, the hookers, and the sick leopards, I am sure you can see your way to forgiving a late payer or someone with poor attendance. At least give it a shot. Amen.

Judge William Adams: Douchebag Of The Year

November 1, 2011

Came across this video in the Interweb and it just makes me sick to my stomach. It has already gone viral and I hope it opens the eyes of people everywhere. This crap is going on everyday.

As I understand it, the daughter has held onto this video for 7 years and just a few days ago, after a phone argument with her father, released it on-line. The video speaks for itself.

Personally, spanking a child is, in my mind, a parents choice. However, this was nothing less than a brutal beating. Judge Adams loses all control and intends to inflict as much physical and emotional pain as possible. From my point of view, this is clearly a criminal assault. Since he is a judge and it has been 7 years, I doubt there will be any criminal charges brought against him. However, I certainly hope that his days as a family court judge (oh, the irony), will come to an immediate end.

That’s the end of my “nice” reporting. The truth is if I ever had a chance to get my hands on that co**smoker, I would beat him to within an inch of his life. He is a disgrace to every group he is associated with. Man, husband, father, judge…you name it. To beat someone because you are physically able to is the worst kind of cowardice. I don’t doubt for a moment that his wife was, at the least, mentally abused. Apparently, since this video was taken, she has left him for that very reason.

It distresses me that this happens all of the time and most of us are oblivious to it. When something like this does come to the public forefront, two things should happen. First, the perpetrator should face the full wrath of the legal system and court of public opinion. Beyond that, I hope it empowers other children to come out and seek help from their abusers. Should people who spank their children be treated as criminals? I don’t think so. But if anyone in their right mind thinks that this video reflects anything close to good parenting, they should have their tubes tied or nuts cut.

Sorry for the depressing post but I am just disgusted.

PS: I just realized that in my angered state I called the judge a “co**smoker”. This, of course, is completely inappropriate as it could be construed that I am equating the judge to a man or woman that provides oral sex. I would never insult oral givers in such a horrible way. So, I will let Chevy Chase try to express my feelings.

Just Wait Until I Am President!!!

September 8, 2011

I watched the Republican debate last night because I wanted to check out that hotty, Mitt Romney. (I kid…you know I mean Michele Bachmann. At least until Sarah shows up). Anyway, I kept hearing over and over what the various candidates will do on the first day they become POTUS. Not the 3rd day or second week, the first day! I thought that was pretty awesome.

But then I started to think that the “first day” was something like a year and 4 months from now. What the hell? That sure seems like a long time to wait to get things done. I mean, don’t most of these people already have government jobs? In fact, haven’t most of them been in the government for a long, long time? If so, why do I have to wait another year for things to get fixed? Can’t they fix it now?

Don’t these people have any clout now? Couldn’t Newt persuade his buds in Congress to get cracking on the fixes now? I know Ron Paul is considered a lunatic and has no pull but Mitt and Rick do. Do you really think that any congressman is going to want to get on the wrong side of the future potential POTUS? I just don’t understand why we are perpetually told that something good will get done at some point in the future.

And, by the way, this is no way a hall pass for Barry “whatever you want to do” Obama. Believe me, I like having a smart, eloquent person leading this country. But I also like someone with a set of balls. (like Hillary). If you believe in your plan, ram it down the throat of the other guy. You can hate Bush/Cheney, and I do, but they did whatever the hell they wanted to do. Barry just doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Why can’t Bobby Knight run for president? If you sassed Bob, he would throw a chair at you. That’s my kind of leader.

I guess none of this will matter once Sarah throws her beautiful, freshly cut flowers smelling, hat into the ring. She’s a momma bear, maverick, and a true leader. If the Congress gets lippy with her, she will just quit. Sarah takes no crap from anyone. She is the Chuck Norris of female politicians. (But with the looks of Hasselhoff ). I can’t wait see what she wears when she is sworn in. In the meantime, I guess Michele will have to do but it’s just not the same.   

Oh Michele…with talent like that, how did you end up with so many kids?

West Memphis Three – What A Cluster F**k

August 19, 2011

If you are familiar with this case, then you know that the men convicted of killing three young boys in 1993 were released from prison today. For most people involved, it is either Casey Anthony Part 2 or, finally, justice for three young men that were wrongly convicted.

I think two things really set this crime apart. First, the heinous and brutal way the three children were murdered. (Wiki the West Memphis 3 for an overview of the case). Second, a very well made documentary about the murders, Paradise Lost, brought attention to the case that otherwise may have never been heard of outside of Arkansas. (There was also a follow-up documentary as well).

As with most crimes that end up being sensationalized, people quickly chose sides. Many trusted the local police department to do their job effectively and when they said that Echols, Baldwin, and Misskelley did it, that was enough. Also, the prosecution playing up the fact that these young men listened to heavy metal and were clearly Satan worshippers, well, in small town America…case closed. (Echols erratic behavior in court and occasional goth style only fueled those fires).

On the other hand, particularly after the Paradise Lost documentary was shown, another group of people decided that these three were simply being railroaded because they were easy prey. The local police wanted this horrible crime solved and closed as soon as possible and chose some young misfits to pin it on. The evidence was circumstantial, at best, and certainly there was room for doubt. Many identified with the young men, including several celebrities, and brought additional attention to the case.

That is my relatively non-biased introduction to the case. I have read about the case and watched the documentaries and here is my opinion. Like everyone else except the three accused or the actual killer(s), I haven’t a clue as to who did it. I thought the first documentary was fairly balanced and asked some important questions. The follow-up was very biased towards the defendants and that was disappointing to me. So, for either side to say definitively that they know the truth is flat out bullshit. Why people insist on choosing sides as if this were a sporting event (ala Casey Anthony, OJ, Robert Blake, etc) is very odd to me. Having an opinion is one thing; saying with certainty you factually know what happened must just be an ego thing.    

What I do know is that for the prosecutor to basically throw in the towel 18 years later is disgusting. All along, the case should have been re-tried. If the West Memphis 3 were innocent, so be it. Release them and continue the investigation. Three children were brutally murdered and their murderer(s) need to be brought to justice. People that harm children need to know that they will never be free from pursuit. Why the Arkansas State Police and FBI were not brought in in the first place is a complete mystery to me. Maybe children in Arkansas are considered disposable…especially poor ones from West Memphis.

Now, with all sides firmly entrenched and entirely too many people looking to make a buck off of this story, the truth may well never be known. Also, I suspect every convict that has spent 15 or more years in jail is now asking his or her attorney to ask for a plea deal. This case just reeks of incompetence and stupidity from top to bottom. No one should be happy with how this has turned out. If the West Memphis 3 are truly innocent, their lives were basically ruined. If they are indeed guilty, they can laugh all the way to the bank. In the end, three little boys died a horrible death and nothing will change that. Why justice for them is not worth fighting for is yet another complete mystery to me.

For Christopher Byers, Michael Moore, and Stevie Branch, I am sorry that the people in life (and death) who should have protected you, did not.

Planned Obsolescence

June 25, 2011

Yes, I am still alive. Just took a mini vacation in my brain. It’s pretty in there.

Anyway, I recently watched a documentary called Pyramids of Waste (2010), AKA The Lightbulb Conspiracy. I will link the video below (it’s under an hour long).

I don’t know whether to be pissed off or resigned by the movies message. In short, many / most consumer goods are built with a specific lifespan that is determined by the manufacturer. For instance, when mass production of lightbulbs first began, the average bulb lasted 2500 hours. However, a coalition of these manufacturers came together and decided to lower the life to just 1000 hours. They could, at worse, have the same production costs per unit but greatly increase the consumer’s purchases. Pretty nifty…for them.

There are other examples in the movie but this is a good place to start. Basically, the global consumer is being sold inferior products so that they will have no choice but to purchase those items over and over again. For most items, you don’t even have a choice to purchase a superior, albeit more expensive item. So, in the end, leadership at major corporations actually have their engineers make their products worse so they can sell more. I realize this is nothing new but when you think about it, the prolific numbers of merchandise that fall into this category is staggering. Greed, greed, and more fu**ing greed.

(To be fair, some items that are not disposable should be. Dildo’s, for instance. They should be one and done. You know the way spaghetti stains your Tupperware even though you wash it over and over? It’s just like a dildo. You can clean it however many times you want but that tuna smell is not going away…ever).

However, the counter argument is reasonable. If people bought items that lasted, say 20 years, wouldn’t manufacturing go straight into the toilet? Even if you sold those items at a premium, you would have a hard time holding down manufacturing costs and profits would certainly suffer. And, after all, what business is NOT in it for the money? Our love fest with consumption has driven the world economy for a long, long time. Fortunately, we are suckers for good marketing so this addiction is as strong as ever. If you build it, iPad 77, they will buy it. We are the very dickheads who bought “pet rocks” and “mood rings” by the millions. And if I see another one of those rubber wrist bands I am going to shit my pants and then throw it at the offender. We have a disease and big business has the cure.

What to do? Which side is right? I guess as long as we keep buying crap that we don’t need, someone will sell it to us. And if we keep throwing away perfectly goods items to get the newer, better version, we have no one to blame but ourselves. Still, this world isn’t going to get any bigger and this unbelievable rate of consumption is going to continue to take its toll on the environment. Don’t buy anything and we go straight into a depression. Or, keep buying inferior things and accept that you are going to get fu**ed, and fu**ed hard by The Man.

Personally, I am going to stay naked and live in a cardboard box by the freeway. Fu** you, you capitalist thugs. Yeah, I said it. Take your new whatever and shove it up your ass. I ain’t buying. (Except I am totally going to get one of those 4G phone thingies. They sound amazing). TL

Bloodsucking Big Business Douche Monkeys