I want the fundamentalists sucked up into the ether as soon as possible. Are you listening Jesus? Call your people home! I will stay down here and guard the place until you get back in seven years.
This latest burr in my heel was caused by my watching the documentary, “Waiting for Armageddon”. The movie follows a number of Christian fundamentalists on their never-ending quest for “end times” to arrive. One mother tells her children that they won’t live long enough to graduate or have children. Awesome parenting, mom…just awesome.
For the end to come, Israel needs to fall. Specifically, the Temple Mount needs to come down so it can be rebuilt. It is unclear on how the Muslims will be convinced to give up the temple but, since they have such a passive history, I guess the details aren’t that important. In the movie, many end timers were hoping that a stray rocket from the US – Iraq conflict would do the trick. Sadly, no such luck.
The best part of the story is that these lunatics believers feel that, once the Rapture occurs, the Jews will come to their senses and repudiate their beliefs. Because, if they don’t, well…it’s dirt nap time for them. The evil Muslims don’t get to go to Heaven under any circumstances. They are simply unfixable. I am not sure about everyone else.
What struck me most about watching this, and similar movies, is the abject fear that these people live in. They are afraid of damned near everything. The terrorists are after them, the government is after them, Satan is after them, other religions are after them; the list is endless. The irony that they are mostly well off white people seems to be completely lost on them.
But, here’s the point. If you truly believe Jesus has your back, what the hell are you worried about? Since the J-Man decides all things, shouldn’t you be as cool as the underside of a pillow? If Jesus wants the terrorists to blow you up, let them. You can laugh all the way to heaven. Since Jesus has a plan for everyone and everything, why spend a second trying to impact his divine judgment?
Maybe, just maybe, that fear is born from uncertainty in their beliefs. Maybe these folks talk a good game but really are scared to death of the unknown. (Which is why they probably turned to religion in the first place). This would explain why they have no interest in hearing other opinions or challenging their own beliefs. They are simply scared shitless.
Listen, my sheeple. I will protect you. My God is way more powerful than your God and can be trusted not to pull stunts like earthquakes and tornados. My God let’s the dorky dude get the hot chick. He also let’s you win at the craps table and eat Ho-Ho’s without gaining weight. Starting to sound interesting? Well, for more information, please send $10 to The Church of the Sacred Bleeding Heart of Jesus Tannerleah located somewhere in Los Angeles, CA and next week, I will post a prayer on my blog and all your dreams will come true. It’s that simple.
Or, wait for the Rapture and see if you are one of the chosen ones. Are you sure you want to take that chance?
(It would appear that Jesus did not get the memo).