Can The Rapture Hurry Up And Get Here?

I want the fundamentalists sucked up into the ether as soon as possible. Are you listening Jesus? Call your people home! I will stay down here and guard the place until you get back in seven years.

This latest burr in my heel was caused by my watching the documentary, “Waiting for Armageddon”. The movie follows a number of Christian fundamentalists on their never-ending quest for “end times” to arrive. One mother tells her children that they won’t live long enough to graduate or have children. Awesome parenting, mom…just awesome.

For the end to come, Israel needs to fall. Specifically, the Temple Mount needs to come down so it can be rebuilt. It is unclear on how the Muslims will be convinced to give up the temple but, since they have such a passive history, I guess the details aren’t that important. In the movie, many end timers were hoping that a stray rocket from the US – Iraq conflict would do the trick. Sadly, no such luck.

The best part of the story is that these lunatics believers feel that, once the Rapture occurs, the Jews will come to their senses and repudiate their beliefs. Because, if they don’t, well…it’s dirt nap time for them. The evil Muslims don’t get to go to Heaven under any circumstances. They are simply unfixable. I am not sure about everyone else.

What struck me most about watching this, and similar movies, is the abject fear that these people live in. They are afraid of damned near everything. The terrorists are after them, the government is after them, Satan is after them, other religions are after them; the list is endless. The irony that they are mostly well off white people seems to be completely lost on them.

But, here’s the point. If you truly believe Jesus has your back, what the hell are you worried about? Since the J-Man decides all things, shouldn’t you be as cool as the underside of a pillow? If Jesus wants the terrorists to blow you up, let them. You can laugh all the way to heaven. Since Jesus has a plan for everyone and everything, why spend a second trying to impact his divine judgment?

Maybe, just maybe, that fear is born from uncertainty in their beliefs. Maybe these folks talk a good game but really are scared to death of the unknown. (Which is why they probably turned to religion in the first place). This would explain why they have no interest in hearing other opinions or challenging their own beliefs. They are simply scared shitless.

Listen, my sheeple. I will protect you. My God is way more powerful than your God and can be trusted not to pull stunts like earthquakes and tornados. My God let’s the dorky dude get the hot chick. He also let’s you win at the craps table and eat Ho-Ho’s without gaining weight. Starting to sound interesting? Well, for more information, please send $10 to The Church of the Sacred Bleeding Heart of Jesus Tannerleah located somewhere in Los Angeles, CA and next week, I will post a prayer on my blog and all your dreams will come true. It’s that simple.

Or, wait for the Rapture and see if you are one of the chosen ones. Are you sure you want to take that chance?

(It would appear that Jesus did not get the memo).

Who Said Getting A Baby Was Hard?

One of the big reasons I hear for old women (35+) having babies is because adopting is so difficult. So, they selfishly take on the risk of having retarded “special” babies because their needs trump the needs of the child. Ladies, there is a reason that Jesus is shriveling your ovaries like prunes…take heed.

In any case, I wanted to offer a few viable solutions so these grannies can still have kids. First, try shopping for babies at Wal Mart. Not actually in Wal Mart, but out in the parking lot. For instance, in Salinas, CA you could have bought a beautiful baby for a mere $25. And that was the asking price! With a little effort, you easily could have whittled that down to $20. So, you save tens of thousands on in-vitro costs and don’t have to let your already deteriorating body get any worse.

Now, before the holier than thou crowd starts jumping in about “what kind of parent sells their child”, let me say that this couple had good reasons for it. I am told by my source, Paco, that the money was to be used for Proactiv. Again, before judging, look at the photo of the mother below and tell me this isn’t a smart investment.

I thought so.

I imagine that there are still many of you thinking, “What if I don’t have $25? Can I still get a baby?” Of course you can. It’s a little more work and you need to live amongst truly retarded people, but it is possible. Here’s how to make it happen.

First, start stuffing pillows under your shirt and tell your husband you are pregnant. If he wants to touch the “baby”, stick a paintbrush in the pillow and move it around. This will fool him. (I told you that this primarily works with really, really, stupid people). Just as you are about to pop, scour the local papers for recent birth announcements and track down the address of the new parents. Then, go to the home and stab the hell out of everyone. I am sure I am leaving something out but here are the details.

dumbest husband of all time

Again, the most critical part is to be surrounded by absolutely imbecilic family and neighbors.

There you have it. Two easy ways to become a mother in no time. No longer do you have a need to take a bunch of medications or let some man put his dirty thingy in your dry, sandpaper like, love tunnel. Nor do you have to let your already large muffin top get even more wildly out of control. No need to go and buy even larger Spandex pants or stuff to rub on your belly to hide the disgusting stretch marks.

Please, don’t feel compelled to thank me for this important information. The fact that you are not going to pop out a little short bus rider in 9 months is thanks enough. Trigger doesn’t really need any new friends. You’re welcome. TL

PS: If you just had a baby, don’t answer the door if this chick is knocking on it:

Do You Hate All Blacks Or Just Obama?

As an occasional black man, I need to know this so I can understand just how many of you racist peckerwoods are out there. With so few of you even trying to hide it anymore, the number has grown substantially.

How do I know this? Because the arguments against Barry have grown increasingly ridiculous. I thought that the “birthers” were probably as bad as it could get but I was wrong. Someone, somewhere posted that Barry is making over $85 million off of the BP disaster through his Vanguard accounts. As near as I can tell, he has about $300k invested. I am not a math major, but the ROI on that seems slightly high. (Although I am sure other Vanguard holders are praying to God the numbers are right).

This is just one example of how anything that is said or written about our Black King is readily digested as the truth by the racist masses. You can say you hate Barry for his policies or lack of actions (of which there are many gaffes to choose from) but it goes well beyond that. You hate him because he can’t bowl like a white man. You hate him because he has purple lips. You hate him because of his tiny ears. Let’s just call a spade a spade…you hate the black man.

But here is the thing. He has given you two extra years of unemployment checks. He has hooked you up with health care. He offered to take your shitty, rusted, El Camino filled with empty Lone Star beer cans in the back, and let you trade up to a newer pick up. He even tried to get you to move out of the trailer park and buy a house without wheels on it. In short, he has given you racist douche bags everything you want except the ability; still, to marry your first cousin legally.

Don’t get me wrong. I have all kinds of problems with Barry. His no-limit credit card spending, his failure to do a damned thing about the wars, his desire to be all things to all people, his entire staff being “insiders”, etc. The list goes on and on. But none of it has to do with him or his heritage. Who cares? It’s not like he’s a Jew or something.

I realize that the only thing worse than having a black man as POTUS is having a Mexican but that day is coming too (although we better never have a woman President…unless it’s Sarah). The truth is, it doesn’t matter what color the big man is. He is accountable to the movers and shakers of the world; not you.

Politicians have a choice. To either hang out with people loaded with cash and access (think Wall Street), or you, Joe Donut (the constituent). Who the hell do you think they are going to cater to? And wouldn’t you do the same thing? So, stop hating on the black man and dreaming that whitey is going to be your friend. He isn’t…unless you have the cash flow to capture his attention.

Now, go back to spending your time on chasing down Bigfoot and “browsing” at the local Wal-Mart. Oh, and keep an eye out for the black helicopters you delusional, paranoid, racist, ass hats.

(Do you even need to ask whether I would hit this or not?)

Internet Kill Switch? I Love The US Government

You know, sometimes I grow tired of the US Government and become convinced that they are essentially useless. Then, out of the blue, they do things that make me feel much better.

For instance, Barry arbitrarily forcing BP to put aside $20 billion for clean up and restitution. Sure, there is no actual law that gives him the power to impose his will on a private corporation like that but he did it anyway. And, we the people, being the vigilant keepers of the Constitution that we are, politely applauded. (Or, in some places, yelled “Booo Yaaah!!!).

Now I read that the honorable Joseph Lieberman, D or R or I from Ct, is offering legislation that lets the POTUS shut down the Internet in the case of a national emergency. What constitutes a national emergency? Eh…don’t sweat the small details. You might ask, “Why in the world would Internet providers go for such a plan?” Because the bill protects them from civil liability. So, as you can see, everyone is a winner. (The kill switch, of course, needs to come with the caveat that porn sites would not be shut off. We don’t need rioting in the streets).

I can remember when I lived in Ct and Joe was trying to stomp out the video game industry because it was creating sex crazed, killing machines. Unfortunately, the people who find free speech and intellectual independence important, what bunch of losers, were able to overcome his master plan. So, because I had access to Ms. Pac-Man, to this day, I still have an urge to eat certain fruit. But I digress…

This “kill switch” plan is brilliant. When things get crazy and the world is coming to an end, the LAST place I am going to go for information is the Internet so why not kill it? Shouldn’t I be watching Fox News and CNN to get the real story? Can’t I trust the media to tell me everything I need to know as it is spoon fed to them by the government? In spite of what Jesse Ventura says, the government has never lied to me before and I don’t expect them to start now.

Senator Lieberman, who is just chockfull of brilliant ideas, will also be introducing the “Bieber Law”. This law will prohibit males from having any sort of hairdo that will make them look girlish, or vagina-ish because “it’s just not right”. Bobby Sherman has vowed to fight this legislation. (How’s that for a little trip in the way back time machine?)

Thank you, US government, for taking all of the big decisions out of my hands. Frankly, I don’t need the pressure. Plus, you have an impeccable track record when it comes to this sort of thing. Weapons of mass destruction, Katrina, Wall Street, the Patriot Act…the list is endless. How anyone could doubt you is beyond me.

I have a call into Senator Lieberman’s office to ask him what I should have for dinner tonight. I sure hope he says steak!

P.S. I was going to write about the Honorable Alvin Greene from South Carolina. You know him, right? The unemployed, felony porn pending, Democratic Senate candidate. However, every time I try to type about him, I am overcome with uncontrollable laughter and my head keeps shaking back and forth vigorously. Thank you fine people of South Carolina for keeping me amused. I appreciate it.

Baby (and probably Jesus) Gives Sarah Palin Bigger Boobs

Well, the lame stream media is at it again. They are running a scandalous story that our girl Sarah has gone out and purchased new breasts. Obviously, nothing could be further from the truth.

As we all know, Sarah has ovaries that drop eggs more often than Tiger nails white chicks. It’s just how God made her. (Thank you Jesus). Anyway, once again, Sarah got knocked up by her stud husband, Snow Plow (or whatever the hell his name is).

Because she already has a quiver full of children, she simply could not afford to have another one. (Plus, the last one didn’t come out exactly fully baked). Being a responsible person, she knew she could not keep the baby. However, as a good Christian, abortion was not an option. So Sarah did what she knew she had to do. She smoked crack and drank Jim Beam until the little thing just shot out of her hoo-hoo like a rocket. Problem solved.

Except it’s not quite as simple as that. Her boobs did not get the message that the plan had been changed and proceeded to fill her love jugs with milk. She initially was not going to encourage this behavior from her breasts because, frankly, the thought of Snow Plow suckling her 24/7 was very unappealing.

Fortunately, before she had a chance to squeeze all of the milk out and go down to a disappointing C cup, she went on her morning run in Wasilla. She did not have a new bra to hold all of her womanhood in so she was bouncing all over the place. As men ogled her and started pitching tents in their pants, she started to appreciate the power of her new bosom. Plus, when she stopped to have a seat on a bench and catch her breath, a baby raccoon came up to her and started nuzzling her heaving bazookas. Acting on her motherly instincts, Sarah quickly pulled out a buck knife, slit the coon’s throat, and gutted it for dinner in just under 30 seconds.

I know the above story is true because I live next door to Sarah and saw it happen. Ok, I don’t literally live next door but my surveillance cameras really make me feel like I do. My source, Paco, tells me that Sarah is going to keep her fun bags until the 2012 election. She is confident that she can get at least 20% more of the male vote. Plus, Bill Clinton has volunteered to be her campaign manager and she has accepted so she can land the black vote. (It is unclear what Clinton will get in return but he said he will pay the dry cleaning bill…whatever that means). It is rumored that her campaign slogan will be, “Palin in 2012. Got milk yet?”

I realize that jealous women will have catty things to say but they need to get over it. Sarah Palin is now the standard by which all women will be measured. So, ladies, you better get cracking on getting those flapjacks inflated or the new PILF will steal your man before you know what hit you. God bless you, Sarah.

Drill, baby, drill indeed. (Can you pass the Kleenex box, please?)

We The People…Pretty Much Suck

How do I know this? Because nary a day goes by where my opinion is not fully reinforced by some douche monkey chasing the almighty dollar (or rupee) to satisfy their own greedy needs.

Recently, a colleague mentioned to me that his dentist said he had a cracked tooth and 3 cavities. Before he even had a chance to think about his options, he was brought into the “office manager” to schedule the work and figure out a payment plan. Since he had already paid several thousand dollars over the last few years, he couldn’t understand why his teeth were still a wreck. So, he sought a second opinion. Dentists #2 tells him that his teeth are fine…no problems at all.

Late last week, my 16 year old son (know as “The Boy”) rear ended another vehicle at a McDonald’s drive-thru. As you would suspect, a person can only roll so fast into another vehicle waiting in a drive-thru line. Info was exchanged and a cop came by. No one could see any obvious damage but the car owner, an insurance salesperson, was going to have it “checked out”. Needless to say, she called yesterday to say that she had filed a claim due to damage to her bumper and exhaust. Did I mention her son-in-law runs a body shop? Life is full of such innocent coincidences.

Whoever created the human race must be massively disappointed. We are the single most greedy, cruel, narcissistic, stupid, lazy, self absorbed species in the entire galaxy. Even when we think we are being generous, we are putting the wood to someone. Need an example? How about tithing.

You know about tithing, right? That’s the deal where you give 10% (or whatever) to your church of choice. Think about this. Someone sat down one day and approached God with this awesome offer. He said, “So listen God. You are the almighty creator of the universe and everything we are and have is due to you. We want to show our loyalty and humbleness by offering you a percentage of everything we earn. You deserve it. We were thinking you would get 10% and we would keep 90%. Does that sound fair?”

For fu**s sake, the Mob offers a better deal than that. And don’t forget, this is God you are negotiating with! He/she/it is really only worth a 10% offering? No wonder God/Buddha/Mohammed/John Smith and company are always causing natural disasters that kick our collective asses. They are getting ripped off and it is pissing them off. Way to go you greedy ass humans.

Normally, I direct my cynicism towards corporate, religious, or government establishments. The organizations that rule the world and lead the lemmings wherever they want them to go. But as a friend pointed out yesterday, any entity is nothing more than the people who created and inhabit it. Lashing out at corporate greed or government mismanagement is just an easy way to avoid the truth. And that truth is that mankind is a useless and selfish collection of fat, meat, and bones with jiggly stuff in the middle. We can con ourselves into believing we are something else but it’s a lie…and a weak one at that.

True, not everyone falls into that category but I am going to guess the vast majority do, including myself. As it turns out, it’s a shame that Bruce Willis broke up that big meteor that was going to blow up the Earth. 2012 can’t get here soon enough.

Have a nice day

Another Day, Another Product Recall

GM today announced it was recalling about 1.5 million vehicles worldwide due to some sort of defect. This recall is on the heels of the Chrysler, Maytag, McDonalds, etc. recalls. The list is simply too long to go through.

All of these recalls lead us to a simple question, “Why the fu** can’t anyone build something that isn’t a piece of crap?” When companies downsized, did they get rid of all of the quality control people first? Do you really need to make 12,000,000 glasses before it dawns on you that maybe you should have checked the first few thousand for, oh, I don’t know, cadmium? I would have loved to have been in on that meeting.

Joe: Bob, how is the Shrek production going?

Bob: Awesome, Joe. We have now produced 12,000,000 of those bad boys. Ka-ching!!!

Joe: Not to be a worry wart, but, just so we are clear…you checked for lead, cadmium, paint chipping, and any other possible safety issues?  

Bob: Of course not. How can we make money if we have to test every damned thing? Joe, trust me…we are fine. These glasses are going to be bought by fat people in a trailer park thinking that they bought some sort of “collectable”. No one is going to check on that kind of crap.

Frankly, I would have preferred that the glasses had not been recalled. Having a bunch of rednecks poisoning themselves while drinking Mountain Dew from their Shrek glasses has a certain righteousness to it. Sure, the coming generations of NASCAR fans would dwindle but that might not be such a bad thing.

Many recalls happen after a few people have been maimed or killed. It is a hard hearted CEO that gets told that a few people might die from their product but gives the “go ahead” anyway. Of course, this is a free enterprise system so no one ever said there wouldn’t be a few casualties along the away. I am pretty sure the fear of the government catching the flaw before the consumer is virtually non-existent.

My favorite recall is the “phantom” Motrin recall. Motrin, manufactured by the small family firm Johnson & Johnson, was supposed to be recalled due to the fact that it was dissolving improperly and could have adverse effects on the user. Since there were only thought to be 88,000 defective caplets, J&J allegedly hired a firm to go out and buy the killer pills. Here is the instruction letter (link underneath):  

J and J’s dirty secret

This is the kind of American ingenuity that makes me get a little misty eyed. As a shareholder, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the companies that I invest in doing their level best to keep their profits soaring. So a few people get sick, maimed, or killed. We can’t let the tail wag the dog, folks. If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying.

Anyway, if you are bored and want to see what other products are being recalled, visit http://www.usrecallnews.com. You will find all kinds of nifty items there. This awesome product has already killed 3 babies due to suffocation. (Gee, it sure looks comfortable, doesn’t it?) 

No Fatties Wanted At Hooters

Well, to be clear, no fat servers are wanted at Hooters. Cassandra Smith was a waitress at Hooters until she ballooned up to 132 pounds. At 5’8”, this height to weight ratio makes her super, duper, fat-o-rama…according to the BMI rating system. (Just slightly over morbidly obese).

Hooters, wary of the needs of their clientele, asked Mama Cass to lose some weight and put her on a 30 day probation. Our super sized waitress apparently could not stand the thought of giving up Ring Dings and Twinkies and promptly resigned. She said she was “humiliated and offended”. I would think that the fact that men paid her to NOT serve them would have been more offensive, but maybe not.

In a not so surprising move, Cassandra immediately filed a lawsuit against Hooters saying that Michigan law, the state where she worked, prohibits terminating someone due to their “non-slimness”. Hooters counters this claim by saying that the waitresses are hired as “performers” and appearance is a critical part of their act.

(On a side note, had I known that Hooters girls were performers, I would have been much more demanding as a customer. Certainly, at a minimum, I would have asked them to do the splits and probably had them do a number of cartwheels.)

(On another side note, I just found out that the neighbor down the street from me looks like a medium sized blimp. I was turning the corner in my car, when I noticed a yellow VW Bug in the corner of my eye. (Not literally). When I turned to face it, I saw that it was this enormous mammal (man?) with a bright yellow top on. I think he had pants on but his fat hung down to his knees so I couldn’t really tell. He blocked my car as he rolled / dawdled / teetered across the road. I would say it took him about 12 minutes to move about 30 feet. I would have rammed his fat ass if I didn’t know that my SUV would have been completely totaled. If you ever wondered what happened to the show “Jake and the Fatman”, now you know. The dude in the yellow shirt ate Jake. And very possibly the rest of his family.)

Anyway, back to Cassandra. I don’t really know if 132 pounds is fat but, if Hooters says it is, who am I to argue? They run a fine organization with their only interests being to tout women’s rights and end the stigma of women being objectified just for their looks. That is why they put them in uniforms, like the military, to discourage individualism and encourage their female employees to be empowered, liberated, and on equal footing with their male counterparts. God bless Hooter’s for leading this important cause. They realize that fat women only hurt this endeavor by making men less likely to eat chicken wings. Makes perfect sense to me.

To be fair, I should point out that some of the other Hooters Girls around the country feel that Cassandra is being mistreated and support her position. This group of employees from the Biloxi Mississippi Hooters recently went on strike to show solidarity. While they are obliviously within the weight guidelines of the company, they still felt it was important to support their much larger sister. Somewhere, Norma Rae is smiling proudly.

(By the way, I have crossed the 500 posts mark. Congrats to me for taking up so much room on the Interweb).

Mark Souder: Hero Of The Common Man

For the first time in a long time, a politician has finally been caught having an affair…with a hot chick. The laundry list of politicians with ugly women is ridiculously long. The hooker that Spitzer had was hot but, before that, you had to go back to JFK and Marilyn Monroe. Slim pickings indeed.

So, this Bud’s for you Mark Souder. Bringing hope to every middle-aged, doughy looking, Viagra taking, “Jesus loving”, mid-life crisis stricken man out there. You give us the will to live another day.

The story of a politician doing something stupid is pretty routine and this would appear to be no different so I will not take the time to pile on. However, I would like to address one part of the story that I heard which was clearly edited for the public’s consumption.

Fellow Hoosier, Rep. Mike Pence, said that he spoke with Souder and Souder told him all about the affair. He made it out to be a dour conversation which was very serious and profound. However, my pool boy Paco has uncovered a secret videotape of the two men using a bathroom on Capitol Hill that tells a very different story. Here, for the first time, is a transcript of that conversation:

Mark Souder: Hey Mike! How ya doin’?

Mike Pence: Hi P-Dog, how’s it going? How are the wife and kids?

MS: Good…very good. Say Mike, do you remember that part-time chick I had on my staff that I would make those silly abstinence videos with?

MP: You mean the one with the nice rack? Yeah, wasn’t her name Kathy or Sandy or something?

MS: It’s Tracy. Anyway, guess who’s hitting that?

MP: You? Are you shitting me? You are the man!

(They fist bump with explosion).

MP: So, how is she? She looks like a wildcat. Getting any Hershey highway action?

MS: C’mon Mike, a gentleman never tells. (Starts humming the Door’s “Backdoor Man”).

MP: You dirty bastard! (Gives another fist bump sans explosion). Do you think she would be interested in a little DP action?

MS: I don’t know…I could certainly ask. What would I get out of the deal?

MP: Well, if any of this ever got out, I could say I spoke to you about it already and you were very remorseful and contrite. That way, I could hook you up with my lobbyist buddy when you resign so, really, it would be a “win win” situation.

MS: Sounds like a plan. Anyway, I need to get back to my office and finish painting signs for my Tea Party supporters. They are a pretty demanding group.

MP: Cool. Just let me know when you want to set this up. Barry is going to be traveling next week so we could do it in the Oval Office. Clinton isn’t the only one that knows how to have a good time.

MS: I’ll bring the cigars. See ya.

MP: Peace out, Dirk Diggler.

In the interest of being transparent, the video is pretty grainy and Paco and I had to lip read to translate as the audio was bad. Still, I am pretty sure I have it right. Paco tells me he also has a tape of Hillary Clinton and Elena Kagan getting it on at the Lincoln Memorial. I will have to be awfully drunk to watch that one but I will try to muster the courage to do so.

This has been another public service announcement from Tannerleah. (And, to a much lesser extent, Paco).

(How horrible looking must her husband be for her to be sleeping with Mark Freakin’ Souder?)

Should Facebook Comments Get You Fired?

The most recent ex-employee to learn one of the hazards of Facebook is 22 year old Ashley Johnson of Charlotte, NC. Ashley was a waitress at the Brixx pizza joint. (A company that clearly did not have access to spell check when its name was created). 

One day, our heroine was waiting for a couple that sat around for 3 hours. As near as I can tell, this is not a buffet so it is not like a pair of 350 pounders sat down for a 3 hour “snack”. These were obviously people with nothing else to do and no place to do it. Evidently, Brixx has a “sit here as long as you want” policy…always a good plan if you want to run a profitable restaurant. I guess the owners have never seen Gordon Ramsey in action. “You donkey!!!”

Anyway, Ashley was ticked off by the $5 tip she received for attending to these sloths for 3 hours. I realize for those of you in Arkansas, you are saying to yourselves, “Wow, that’s a sweet deal!” Not really, Slingblade. Time is money; even for wait staff. So, when she returned home, she wrote, “Thanks for eating at Brixx, you cheap piece of shit camper.” (I guess that is some sort of homespun colloquialism).

Somehow, the management of Brixx found out about this posting and fired Ashley. (I think in the termination letter they spelled “fired” with 2 r’s to stay consistent with the festive theme of the company name). She broke the company policy for disparaging customers and shedding negative light on the company. While this may be true, where is the common sense here? If the customers were douche nozzles, as they obviously were, how is that disparaging? That is just stating the facts. Also, why would you want said douche nozzles as your patrons? They are sitting in your restaurant bleeding you of money and pissing off your employees. Why would you, even indirectly, support them?

You should have banned these idiots and given Ashley a raise for having a spine and not being afraid to call a spade a spade. (Although, I still don’t think calling a spade a shovel is really worth making a big deal out of). She said nothing negative about Brixx. She pointed out what all of us already know…the world is full of inconsiderate and cheap asshats. They are everywhere. They need to be called out, not protected.

This thing that some people do in restaurants to demean the employees is ridiculous. The desire to “show” someone your displeasure by leaving a small tip is pretentious and small minded. Imagine if the same fu**stick that doesn’t tip was approached by his boss on Friday and told, “Gee Bob, not such a great week for you. I am going to withhold 20% of your check”. Do you think he would be ok with that? Didn’t think so.

Corporations need to stop being so hyper sensitive to every little comment made on the Interweb. Pull up your big girl panties and realize people are going to say snide things…it’s what a free thinking public tends to do. I realize that thinking is counter productive to what most corporations want but learn to give a little in this area.

Also, you cheap people that don’t tip when you should need to stay home. There is no room for you in the real world. Sit home and vent about how broke you are and how you live in a socialized country. Oh, by the way, you know where they don’t tip? Socialist countries. I hate cheap people and I especially hate cheap people that feel like they are empowered to be cheap because they are a consumer. Dial down that ego, Sparky. You are nothing more than a soulless, cheap, comb over wearing, “freebie” loving, tick on the ball sac of society. (By the way, I also work for Brixx and you bastards better not rat me out and get me fired).