Nancy Pelosi To Have Tom Brady’s Baby

Or something like that. I was asked to write about Pelosi and Brady so that’s all I could come up with. After all, what else can be said about these two?

Pelosi is a wealthy, power mongering whore that lies and misleads just like every other veteran politician. By and large, that is exactly how they become veteran politicians. Did she rat out the CIA or know about torture but failed to act? Who cares? If she didn’t do it (or know about it) replace her name with any other dirty politician. It’s all part of the game. Stop having any kind of positive hopes about politicians…even Barry. The money is all that matters. Always has, always will.

As for Brady, of course he got Gisele pregnant. By just gazing into a woman’s eyes, he can get her pregnant. When you ladies see Tom, don’t you wonder what that “popping” sound is? That’s a zillion eggs dropping saying, “Fu** me Tom. Fu** me hard all night long”. (As you may have noticed, your eggs can be somewhat crude and impolite). I would expect he will give Gisele a nifty litter of children.

And, while I am thinking of it, how many people would be naming their kid “Gisele” if it wasn’t for her smoking hot looks? After all, Gisele is just another way to spell gazelle and you wouldn’t name your kid Anteater or Antelope. Beautiful people get away with murder. I bet even her farts smell like fresh made cinnamon rolls. And you know that the BradyBundch baby is going to incredibly attractive. Not all ugly and misshapen like most babies.

I hope I have covered both the Pelosi and Brady issues to your satisfaction. The usual question is, at this point, “TL, would you hit that?” As for Pelosi, no. They way she walks around with a permanent look of shock on her face might make me feel inadequate. As for Tom, I would go gay for him in a minute. I would still be the pitcher, because I have standards, but yeah, we would be making sweet man love.

Before I go, a quick thank you and an I love you to our men and women of the Armed Forces. These are awesome people and should never be taken for granted or ignored. Every day we should be remembering them and taking care of them in any way we can. Much love to my peeps, TL.

Why Can’t AIG Be Allowed To Fail?

Over and over I keep hearing this mantra about how the American government cannot allow AIG to fail. So, because it cannot be allowed to fail, the government continues to funnel a never ending supply of money into it. But WHY can’t it be allowed to collapse? What horrible thing is going to happen? 

I know this much. Ben Bernanke must be the worst poker player in the entire world. How else can you explain the fact that he keeps telling the world that he will do whatever it takes to keep AIG afloat? 150 billion? No problem. 200 billion? Sure thing. 300 billion? Ben will be really, really mad and slamming his phone down but the check is in the mail. 

Of course the good folks at AIG are spending like drunken sailors. They have an open ended credit card and they know it. Want to spend 100 million on bonuses? Knock yourself out. Want to send billions of dollars to foreign banks so that, essentially, the American people are bailing them out? No sweat. Keep acting like you are mad, Ben. It is working like a charm. 

Up to the plate stomps Barney Gay and Nancy “who stole my eyebrows” Pelosi. Even more and more barking with no action being taken. How is it possible that the Fed AND the government have no control over the situation? Oh, I know. Because they have NEVER had control which is how this whole thing came to be in the first place. Of course, since all of these people belong to the same gene pool, I think it is a little unreasonable to think they will actually punish each other. 

Hey AIG…be very grateful that the US citizens are powerless in such matters. If we weren’t, you would be shut down by the end of the day and you could take your “bonuses” and shove them up your collective a**es. Of course, you would have no bonus to shove because we would have already taken that money back. 

If you can create the FDIC to protect banks, just make up a new acronym to protect insurance companies. Surely, it would be cheaper than just flooding these idiots with money on virtually a daily basis. Better yet, let AIG fail and let their competitors swoop in and pick the bones clean. Then, make the ex-employees work at McDonalds until they save enough money to pay the US taxpayer back. 

In the meantime, Bernanke, Frank, Reid, Pelosi and crew, could you just shut the hell up?!? Either do something to fix the problem or just shut up about it. Acting like a powerless victim is exceedingly annoying. 

And hey, where the hell is Barry while all this is going on? Can’t the POTUS shut this thing down in the blink of an eye? Well? What are you waiting for…a fist bump?

Daschle Screws The Tax Pooch

Why is it that multi-millionaires have so much trouble finding a good tax guy? Now we learn that Tom Daschle owes over 120k in taxes that he somehow didn’t know need to be paid. Apparently, there was some confusion on whether his car service is a taxable benefit. Shouldn’t someone that does taxes for a living know this answer?

The more Barry keeps recycling the same old tired Democrats, the more obvious that “change” is going to be exceedingly difficult. Frankly, many of these folks have made out like bandits over the last several decades so why in the world would they want to change anything?

Let’s use Tom as an example. He made over 200k the last two years in speaking fees for the health care industry. I repeat: the health care industry paid Senator Tom Daschle over 200k to talk to them. Overall, Tom took home a cool 5.2 million dollars in the last 24 months. Now, Barry wants Tom to be the Health and Human Services secretary. He will be a key player in reforming the health care industry. WTF? How can you even make such a statement with a straight face?

Tom, like so many of the other tried and true Democrats Barry has picked, have had plenty of chances over the years to change things for the better. They didn’t do it. It is like listening to the Republicans now spewing about the great ideas they have. Really? Have you just been sitting on them for the last eight years?

I have never liked Daschle because he has “small man” disease. I forget which Sunday morning show it was, but he threw a fit because he looked shorter on the TV screen. Hey Tom, you ARE shorter! Pelosi, Reid, Emanuel, Clinton, Daschle, Frank and on and on and on. Gee, what an exciting group. That’s change, isn’t it?

Look, I understand that Barry only has so many choices and he has to get most of the players on his team from the Beltway crowd. That’s just the way it is. Still, I would have liked to see him be a little more daring. Cross the aisle, pick some junior politicians…maybe even a few outsiders. Instead, it just looks exceeding like Clinton part 3. Honestly, which of these people would Hillary have not chosen?

There is the very slim hope that Obama realized early on that he was going to have to stick with the regular players to fill out his team. So, to avoid making waves, he picked the obvious choices. However, maybe he can be the guy he claimed to be and ignore all of their standard, partisan politics. In the end, he listens, nods his head slowly, and then does whatever the hell he wants to do. Dubya basically did this so it is possible.

Good luck Barry. You are going to be a lonely man on Capital Hill.

Hey! Sarah Palin Isn’t The Only Babe. What About The Dems?

I was sent an e-mail this weekend suggesting that maybe i was showing the Republican ladies a little too much love. (Thanks BD). The gist of the message was that the Democrats also have some very attractive women on their side of the aisle as well. Fair enough.

Here, in a completely unbiased comparison, we will look at some Republican and Democratic ladies. Obviously, when it comes to Republican women, Sarah and Cindy are at the top of the list.

 

Granted, these two might be perceived as “hot”. But, to be fair, let’s show some equal love to the Dems. Here our a few of the contenders:

  

Hey now! Who says that all of the beauty resides on the Republican side? And here is my all time personal favorite:

Mmmm…Janet Reno. If you are a man and are not chopping wood, you need to see a doctor.

So, as you can see, the Democrats are equally represented when it comes to natural beauty. I am not sure but I believe Ms. Albright was also in several beauty contests and regularly won the “most likely to wear a wig” category. Something I am sure she is still very proud of to this day.

So, to my Democratic friends, my apologies for ignoring these handsome ladies. Obviously, they don’t need me to support them because their beauty is the stuff that inspires artists around the world. Sure, Sarah is what men would refer to as a 5 star MILf / VPILF. However, Hillary and Janet would not be ignored by us guys…they would be referred to as “2 baggers”. (Actually, Janet would deserve the very rare “3 bagger” title). If you are not familiar with these titles, trust me, they are good!

I hope you can see I have been fair and balanced in my comparison. Why? Because I am now, and will always be, a people person.

NSFS!!! (I am heading off to the bathroom with my Janet Reno photo album now. Have a nice day).

Good Bye Olympics. Hello Political Conventions

After two weeks of the riveting Olympic sports of trampoline jumping and synchronized men’s diving (where I am told by women that some of the divers were “stuffing”), we now get to enjoy a week each of the Democratic and Republican conventions. Talk about your “must see” TV.

I was trying to convince myself that I should watch some of each convention to see what each team was putting forward. After all, the conventions are meant to be beauty pageants and put the best face on each party. Of course, before I could even start to make an argument for viewing these festivities, McCain and Pelosi had to both open their big mouths.

First, McCain starts with the comment about “not knowing how many homes he owns”. Really? Are you even trying, John? I understand if you don’t know how many shoes you own, tennis rackets you have or women you slept with as a war hero. Those are hard numbers to keep track of. But houses? My friends on the Internet tell me it is at least 10. You should have said, “I don’t know but it beats being a POW for 4 years”. You see how easy it would have been to get the plug in? (In case anyone in America still hadn’t heard that story).

Naturally, as soon as a Republican says something stupid, a Democrat feels compelled to jump on board. Nancy “I always have this terrified look on my face” Pelosi was on Meet the Press spewing the need for natural gas as an alternative fuel solution. After saying it several times, she was asked if there was a conflict of interest in her recently sinking 150k to 200k in natural gas companies. Indignantly, Pelosi replied, “It’s only 50k to 100k”. Really? You have so much money you don’t know the difference between 50k and 100k?

Again, I checked the Internet and found that Pelosi is said to be worth 25 million. That put the comment into perspective for me. She probably gave one of her minions 100k and said, “Get me some stocks in natural gas, a diamond necklace, a super sized tube of lipstick and a Kit-Kat bar”. Naturally, that could lead to some confusion as to how much was spent on each item.

As to the possible moral ramifications of investing into an energy source that you are going to approve legislation on? No problem, says Nancy. (I think she may be watching too many T Boone Pickens commercials). I swear to you that both she and McCain said all of this with a straight face.

I suppose I could go on about Obama picking Biden as his running mate and how it undercuts a huge amount of his campaign rhetoric but why bother? Both parties understand that their core constituencies so hate the opponent that no matter what stupid thing they say, they will still get those votes. If you had an election the day after Bill and Monica got it on with a cigar, he still would have got 40% of the vote.

Got to love those hard core left and right wing voters. It is probably good that they don’t actually risk crossing party lines. After all, who wants to be known as someone who “flip-flops” on their vote? God bless America.