I Could Have Bought Sarah Palin’s Shoes?

I am so sick of the liberal, media elite. One of the greatest historical artifacts of all time went up for sale recently on EBay and hardly anyone even knew about it. Why? Because it was an artifact that belonged to a Republican and the liberals stone walled the information from getting out.

You are going to be upset when I tell you this but here is what happened. Sarah Palin’s niece was given a pair of shoes by Sarah. The niece told Sarah she thought they were pretty and Sarah, being probably the nicest person in the whole wide world, gave them to her. Just like that…no questions asked.

Unfortunately, they didn’t really fit so, instead of just dumping them, the niece did the right thing and put them up for sale on EBay. Of course, the media knew about this but refused to run the story. Look at these shoes:

(Did you fell that little tingle in your nether regions? I thought so.)

These are call “Naughty Monkey Double Dare” shoes. What a fitting name. Naughty indeed… Anyway, these shoes are basically priceless. However, since no one knew about the sale, some shoe fetish guy bought them for $2025. Are you kidding me!?!? I would have gladly shelled out 30k for these things! I would have sold a kidney (I would have given up my bad one) to make this happen.

Of course, it is always possible that the guy that bought them will put them back up for sale. For me, however, it is too late. I don’t want her shoes after they have been soiled by another man. Oh well, maybe she gave the niece some other stuff to sell. Possibly her “Dirty Dancing Bullet Proof Brassiere”. That would fetch some big bucks.

One more thing about Sarah, since I know you can never get enough info on her. She has started a PAC. If that doesn’t scream that she is running in 2012, I don’t know what does. It is important that you all give early and give often. (I can’t donate because if Sarah and I should become an “item”, it would look inappropriate). Here is the link: http://www.sarahpac.com/

You will notice that they have a photo of the US with Alaska sitting smack dab in the middle of it. When Sarah is elected President in ’12, her first act will be to move Alaska to the lower 48. (As you can see, some of the junkier Midwest states are going to get crapped on).

Mark your calendars…1451 days until President Sarah Palin takes office!

Note Left By Bush For Obama

Howdy Borack,

As you know, there is a tradition that each President that is leaving office leaves a note for the new President. (Bill Clinton left me a note telling me where the best strip clubs are. He-he…Just a little Texas humor).

I just wanted to wish you well as the first colored negro black African American to hold this post. It is a difficult job and you need to use your brains a lot! Dick and Rummy helped me a lot so you will probably want some helpers too.

The media elite will try to trip you up with trick questions. Don’t let them! As we say in Texas, “fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice and we won’t be fooled again”. They also will try to get you to say you have made mistakes. I didn’t, so I never had to. Like, how was I supposed to know that Hurricane Katrina would get everything wet?

As a parent, it is hard to raise your kids in the spotlight. You might have it easier because I don’t think your kids are old enough to get drunk and puke on the Secret Service.  

Oh, and don’t let Al Gore come visit you…he will never leave! I think he is still pissed that I beat him in the election. It serves him right for misunderestimating me and not realizing what a great strategery that Karl and me put together.

I know you said you wanted to end the Iraq war soon. Good, cause we really need to get over to Iran and kick their asses! Ahkma-whatever his name is was a royal pain in my backside. Dick and Rummy wanted to take him out but I said, “Whoa boys! Only one war at a time”. That is the kind of Presidential thinking that you have to do.

Well, good luck to you. I ain’t gonna lie…I was kind of hoping Sarah would be moving in (even if it meant the old bag of bones won the election). I had the Secret Service set up some secret cameras, if you know what I mean. He- he…just some more Texas humor. Although I think we can both agree we would totally hit that.

If you need anything, just give me or Daddy a call. God bless you and God bless America.

xoxoxox,

Dubya

P.S. Don’t say nuke-u-lar. The press will razz you hard about it.

 

Sarah Palin Travels With Her Children And Looks Good Doing It.

Well, here come the haters…what a surprise. It was announced today that Sarah charged the State of Alaska for her children to travel with her. Also, it was reported that the RNC spent $150,000 on clothes, hair and makeup for the Governor.

Is this really an issue for anyone? Was she just supposed to leave her kids home alone? If she would have hired a babysitter, people would have complained about that as well. I support Sarah for putting her kids first and if the people of Alaska don’t like it, they shouldn’t have elected her. Oh, wait a minute, they aren’t the ones complaining. It is the freakin’ media, as usual.

Also, is it hard to understand that there is a fee for maintaining the ethereal beauty of the future VPILF? Do you think she just rolls out of bed looking gorgeous naturally? Of course not. Just like other 47 year old women, she needs a fair amount of spackle, spray paint, grout and wire to pull her look off. And what about her attire? Christ, her shoes alone probably took up about $100,000.

By the way, not to get off track, but did you see Sarah rocking the knee high boots the other day?

(I need to Photoshop the baby, Trigger, out of the picture for it to have real value).

Where was I? Oh yeah, this woman that is equal parts sunshine and angel perfume, should not be held down by the media elite. She is a maverick and mavericks need to look good. Do you think the Marlboro Man (also a maverick) didn’t have expenses? Of course he did. So, please, leave our girl alone.

Having said all of that, I do have one tiny concern. I saw this picture and I am not sure if Sarah is throwing gang signs or praising Satan.

From the look on her daughter’s face, I am going to guess she is using the “Satan rules” signal. Oh, screw it, who cares? If we have to put up with a little satanic worship and a few Ouija boards to get our gal in office, so be it. 4 years of McCain and then 8 years of President Palin. Woo-Hoo!

(Uh oh, I am getting all tingly in my pants again. Excuse me for a moment).