You know, sometimes I grow tired of the US Government and become convinced that they are essentially useless. Then, out of the blue, they do things that make me feel much better.
For instance, Barry arbitrarily forcing BP to put aside $20 billion for clean up and restitution. Sure, there is no actual law that gives him the power to impose his will on a private corporation like that but he did it anyway. And, we the people, being the vigilant keepers of the Constitution that we are, politely applauded. (Or, in some places, yelled “Booo Yaaah!!!).
Now I read that the honorable Joseph Lieberman, D or R or I from Ct, is offering legislation that lets the POTUS shut down the Internet in the case of a national emergency. What constitutes a national emergency? Eh…don’t sweat the small details. You might ask, “Why in the world would Internet providers go for such a plan?” Because the bill protects them from civil liability. So, as you can see, everyone is a winner. (The kill switch, of course, needs to come with the caveat that porn sites would not be shut off. We don’t need rioting in the streets).
I can remember when I lived in Ct and Joe was trying to stomp out the video game industry because it was creating sex crazed, killing machines. Unfortunately, the people who find free speech and intellectual independence important, what bunch of losers, were able to overcome his master plan. So, because I had access to Ms. Pac-Man, to this day, I still have an urge to eat certain fruit. But I digress…
This “kill switch” plan is brilliant. When things get crazy and the world is coming to an end, the LAST place I am going to go for information is the Internet so why not kill it? Shouldn’t I be watching Fox News and CNN to get the real story? Can’t I trust the media to tell me everything I need to know as it is spoon fed to them by the government? In spite of what Jesse Ventura says, the government has never lied to me before and I don’t expect them to start now.
Senator Lieberman, who is just chockfull of brilliant ideas, will also be introducing the “Bieber Law”. This law will prohibit males from having any sort of hairdo that will make them look girlish, or vagina-ish because “it’s just not right”. Bobby Sherman has vowed to fight this legislation. (How’s that for a little trip in the way back time machine?)
Thank you, US government, for taking all of the big decisions out of my hands. Frankly, I don’t need the pressure. Plus, you have an impeccable track record when it comes to this sort of thing. Weapons of mass destruction, Katrina, Wall Street, the Patriot Act…the list is endless. How anyone could doubt you is beyond me.
I have a call into Senator Lieberman’s office to ask him what I should have for dinner tonight. I sure hope he says steak!
P.S. I was going to write about the Honorable Alvin Greene from South Carolina. You know him, right? The unemployed, felony porn pending, Democratic Senate candidate. However, every time I try to type about him, I am overcome with uncontrollable laughter and my head keeps shaking back and forth vigorously. Thank you fine people of South Carolina for keeping me amused. I appreciate it.