Obama Deserved The Nobel Peace Prize

Is there really any doubt about this? Have people already forgotten about the amazing success of the “beer summit”? That success alone probably should have sealed the deal but it was much more than that. 

Look at the violence statistics in Chicago, for instance. Barry helped drive violence in Chicago down to almost nothing. I mean really, when is the last time you heard of someone being killed in Chicago? Exactly, it has been a long time. 

Now, I won’t lie. I was deeply disappointed that my personal candidate, Kanye West, did not win the prize. He is all about peace and his efforts to reach out to the country western fans of the world were quite remarkable. I suspect that if Kanye was only half black, like Obama, he would have scored a few more points. 

What is most exciting about this is that the Nobel voters could see what the rest of us can see. No, not what Barack has accomplished so far, although that is more than enough, but rather what is about to happen around the world. The Iraq and Afghanistan wars? Pretty much over by the end of next week…3 weeks at the latest. Cancer? Cured in the next calendar year. Getting David Hasselhoff sober? Ok, that one is going to take Barry some extra time. 

Critics continue to carp about the fact that President Obama hasn’t actually done anything up to this point. This is just simply not true. He wore “mom jeans” to show his support of portly mothers around the world. He knocked a fly out of mid-air with his cat like reflexes. You never saw Bush do that, did you? He kept all of those nasty foreigners out of our country by throwing the Olympics. And the list goes on and on. 

Let’s face it, those that are upset that Obama won the Nobel hate the black man. That is the only reasonable way to explain their behavior. Barry is the closest thing to Black Jesus that we have and to hate on him just means that you either live in the South or were robbed by a black man…or both. 

I am glad that our President has won such a prestigious prize and look forward to his winning a Grammy and Academy Award next year. He will give a great acceptance speech (they allow teleprompters, don’t they?) and our children will have a true hero to look up to. Finally our children, regardless of faith or gender, can say they want to grow up to be just like Barack Obama. No, not POTUS but rather a semi-black dude with a hot wife, sporting a bangin’ booty.

(Barry playing “smell my finger” while still looking pensive)

Fox TV Tells Obama, “Oh Hell No!”

Fox TV, showing the kind of leadership that is so often missing in network television, told Barry to go scrub his a** when he requested they carry his “100 day” news conference. This is Barry’s third primetime speech in the same 100 days. What new info can he possibly have? 

Fox will air that “Lie to me” show instead (or whatever it’s called). Sure, no one is going to watch that piece of crap show either but at least it gives the impression that people have a choice. Honestly, other than ObamaISAmerica, who needs more primetime Barry? 

Don’t answer…it was a rhetorical question. We know who needs the attention. Barack Obama, that’s who. Barry just loves attention! Sure, he is a good looking guy and seems to be smart but c’mon. He is all over the freakin’ place. Even Dubya wasn’t this vain. 

If you think it is not out of control, how do you explain Air Force One buzzing New York City yesterday? In my nearly 50 years of life, I have NEVER seen AF1 do that little trick. Supposedly, they wanted a new photo of AF1 with the Statue of Liberty in it. Do they not have PhotoShop? Do you think that might have been slightly cheaper than a real plane plus a fighter jet in tow? Who paid for this stunt? Oh, we did. Brilliant! 

I want Barry to do well and I wish him nothing but the best. But he really needs to dial his ego down several notches. We get it Black Jesus…you are the man. But if you keep rubbing our collective noses in it, we are going to get sick of you pretty soon. You will make Dubya downright loveable at this pace. 

So please, stop buzzing national monuments with Air Force One and stop being on TV all of the time. At least American TV. Go spend some primetime with the Brits or French. They have terrible TV so it would be a step up for them. We love you brother but you have got to hide that big eared head of yours…at least a little. 

Of course, if we would have elected Sarah Palin as VP (President to be when old dude kicked), I would have expected a weekly, primetime show. She could have done some song and dance stuff or just sat there looking into the camera and letting us fawn over her incredible beauty. But, I won’t beat that dead horse…yet. However, Sarah’s day is coming and you would be well served to ride that maverick. I know I would ride her all…day…long.

Obama Is On TV Again? WTF?

When did Barry get his own sitcom? Jesus, Joseph and Allah, when is he NOT on TV these days? We get it…you are the black Jesus. You don’t need to throw it in our face every 2 weeks in prime time. Couldn’t you do Letterman tonight instead? Or perhaps go on The View and argue with those idiots? How many more speeches about the economy do we need to hear? Stop talking and start doing. (Spend a couple or more trillion, or something).

Don’t get me wrong; I like Barry. Sure, he is as dirty as any politician and his constant smile on 60 Minutes was absolutely bizarre but c’mon…he has charisma with capital KKK’s. I just want him to dress it up a little. How about walking out to the podium wearing a Fedora and throwing a gang sign. “East side biyatches! Whitey ain’t on up in here, no mo’. Ya feel me?” That would be awesome.

However, since Barry doesn’t speak “black”, he could just come out sporting an awesome fro.

(See how my Photoshop skills continue to improve? I even added a little soul patch).

This would show that he has a sense of humor and is all virile like Billy Dee Williams. In fact, he should hold up a can of Colt 45 or a bucket of chicken. Then little Gary Coleman could come out after his speech and say, “What you talkin’ bout Barry?” Ah…good times. (Well, not really “good times” or it would have been “dy-no-mite!!!). Then Barry could have said. “You sure are a tiny Mother Fu” – and out pops Lawanda Page to say “shut yo mouth”.

Admit it, you would pay a 60% tax rate if you could get this kind of entertainment on television. And I haven’t even killed anyone or shown boobs…yet.

Sadly, NONE of this is going to happen. He will just drone on and on about the same stuff and then go do whatever his rich cohorts instruct him to do. How tedious. At least Dubya would make faces and wink. (And say nuke-u-lar at least a dozen times). Barry is just boring. I guess I can always watch Sanford and Son to get my Lawanda Page fix. Speaking of which, how awesome would it have been to have Redd Foxx as the POTUS? That dude was old school funny. Not for the kids but still some funny stuff.

And one final thought. If all of you guilty white people would have done the right thing, we could be watching endless coverage of the great Sarah Palin. It might be boring but the tingling would absolutely make it worth it. (Where have you gone Sarah Palin girl, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you, woo woo woo.)

Seems The Whole “Black President” Thing Is Not Going Over So Well In Certain Places.

Since Barack Obama’s election, here are a few of the heart warming stories that have surfaced across this great nation.

• 4 North Carolina State students wrote, “Let’s shoot that ni**er in the head” in a tunnel designated for free speech.
• In Standish Maine a betting pool titled the “Osama Obama Shotgun Pool” was offered for a mere $1 per entry. At the bottom of the poster, it says, “Let’s hope someone wins”.
• 2nd and 3rd grade students on a school bus in Rexburg, Idaho chanted, “assassinate Obama”. (Good job parents…you should be so proud of yourselves).
• Crosses were burned in the yards of Obama supporters in Hardwick, N.J. and Apolacan Township, Pa.

And the list goes on and on. My vote for most original hate crime belongs to Snelville, GA. where Denene Millner’s sister-in-law, a black Obama supporter, had her lawn trashed and 2 pizza boxes full of human feces left at her front door. (It would seem that the sister-in-law did not really want to talk about the incident). Filling up two pizza boxes with feces requires the kind of commitment that few people possess. As racists go, this group was clearly full of crap. (Please, no groaning).

So for all of the talk that we have somehow moved past racism in America, let’s not kid ourselves. Granted, most racism is much more subtle but it is still alive and well. We could make a similar list about other intolerence based on race, sexual preference, religion, body shape, etc. It is a staple of who we are as humans. We are somehow genetically wired to “hate” some group…or at least feel they are inferior to us.

Will the day come that we ever move past this? I doubt it. As long as there is a class system in the world, someone will always want what someone else has. Even if you addressed all of the issues above, new forms of discrimination would emerge. Thin people would hate fat people. (Oh wait, that one already exists). How about people with blue eyes and blond hair would hate those with brown eyes and brown hair? Eh…I think that one already happened as well.

So, the truth is, we are stuck with it. Barack HUSSEIN Obama offered a serious speech on the subject in his campaign in which the vast majority of Americans covered their ears and said, “lalalalalalalala, I can’t hear you”. We are more comfortable in acting like hatred is an abhorrence rather than a staple of life. As long as we feel this way, people will be getting pizza boxes of poop left at their doors. (Back in the day, you put dog poop in a paper bag, lit it on fire and rang the doorbell. Ah, the good old days).

Oddly enough, the most obvious discrimination these days is paid for, and aimed at, good old white folks. That’s right…I am talking to you, cracker. If you watch TV, you will see that women are inferior to the thin, large busted actresses and models they should compare themselves to. (Although, I must say that the “big boob” thing seems like a reasonable aspiration). And for men? Well, you are impotent, constantly having to go to the bathroom, better get a beer to have a chance with the ladies, losers. And the beautiful part of this system is that those being targeted get stuck with the bill.

If you ever see a commercial that says, “Hey, you know what? We think you are ok just the way you are”, you will know we have reached nirvana. In the meantime; men, do something about that thinning hair and women, get to work on those flabby thighs.

Let me leave you with the eloquent words of native Georgian (and white man) Grant Griffin: “I believe our nation is ruined and has been for several decades and the election of Obama is merely the culmination of the change. If you had real change it would involve all the members of (Obama’s) church being deported.”

Amen, brother Griffin, amen. Words that Jesus himself might have spoken…well, if he wasn’t a black man.

With all of our racial harmony, do you suppose this skit from 1975 would be apprpriate today?

http://www.hulu.com/watch/1477/saturday-night-live-word-association